


Lover Boy

by cafephan



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: 43K WORDS LONG YO, A mention of blood, AU, Fluff, Mentions of Sex, Mentions of alcohol, Swearing, WARNINGS:, highschool, mentions of past bullying, teenage!phan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-17
Updated: 2016-08-17
Packaged: 2018-08-09 09:20:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 43,073
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7796218
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cafephan/pseuds/cafephan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Phil is the shy new kid at school, taken under the wing of Dan’s group of friends. The two develop crushes on one another, but a secret from the past threatens to jeopardise everything before it even begins.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lover Boy

_**[Listen to the fic playlist here as you read!!](https://open.spotify.com/user/parodyvamps/playlist/55H4KQSmr3doncTBrhyv8J) ** _

\--

_You cannot blame gravity for falling in love. – Albert Einstein_

_\--_

Being the new kid in school was something Phil never thought he would have to experience. He’d grown up in a bustling city, with ever-changing neighbours and a class of forty. But as soon as his father secured a big promotion, Phil’s parents decided to up their roots and move to the country, consequently forcing Phil to leave everything he once called home behind him.

“Have a great day!” his mother called sweetly as Phil got out of the car on his first day in the new school, as if she had no idea how much he wanted the ground to swallow him up. It was a couple of months into the last year of sixth form, and Phil was surprised the school even let him start so late and randomly. Never mind letting him start on a Tuesday.

His little sister, Kaitlin, recently turned three years old and was on a trial day at the local pre-school, and Phil knew that she would be settling in just fine. Kaitlin somehow got both siblings’ share of social skills, it was obvious even at Kaitlin’s young age. Phil was extremely shy, and was the kind of person that was hesitant to trust, and took a lot longer than usual to forge friendships. He’d never been the kind of person that attracted attention for longer than a couple of seconds.

Phil didn’t reply, and he saw his mother press her lips together before driving off back in the direction of their home, and Phil watched the car leave. He wanted nothing more than to be in it. With an internal pity party and an inevitable sigh, he climbed the few steps to the entrance and attempted to navigate his way to the main reception desk.

“Let me guess, it’s your first day?” the receptionist asked with a warm smile as soon as Phil entered the room, and he froze, and nodded slowly.

“What gave it away?” he attempted to joke, but his voice came out shaky and shattered the casual façade he was aiming for before he even had a chance.

“Squirming, fear in your eyes and the fact your backpack is the size of Jupiter” a new voice chimed in, and Phil saw the receptionist smile at the new arrival, and Phil turned to face them.

A blond boy dressed in a casual white shirt and skinny jeans was smiling at him, a thin chain hanging from his neck. He looked the epitome of casual cool, and Phil wished he had spent longer than four hours planning his own outfit of a navy blue button-up and his own skinny jeans. Not that he’d carry off a casual style even half as well as the boy in front of him.

“I’m Joe,” he held out a hand, and Phil shook it warily, not used to formal introductions. In his old town everyone greeted each other (except Phil) with a hug, they were so close. “Nice to meet you”

“Phil” he introduced in response, and Joe’s smile grew.

“Oh, I know. I’m the one who’s supposed to show you around for the day” he informed Phil, and Phil nodded in understanding. Though he couldn’t help but feel like a charity case, and he had the underlying feeling that Joe didn’t voluntarily offer to take the role of showing the new kid around.

“I see” Phil mumbled, dipping his head and looking down at his shoes.

“Shall we?” Joe asked, gesturing back out to the corridor. Though every nerve was begging him to turn back and run home and plead with his parents to not make him do this, Phil nodded and walked into the otherwise vacant corridor, and Joe followed a step behind.

As Joe babbled about the reason he was chosen to show Phil around – apparently they had identical timetables, it was pot luck someone had picked the exact same options and was in the same sets – Phil kept his gaze fixed on his shoes, and followed glumly.

“You might want to lose some of the baggage” Joe suggested as they turned the corner, waiting for Phil to catch up.

“Why?” Phil asked, knowing it was always best to be prepared.

“You’ll fit in better that way,” Joe joked, “Most people barely have a pen by this point in the year, except for my sister and her best friend but they’re obsessed with stationery, please don’t be like them” Joe clasped his hands together in mock plea, and it put Phil enough at ease to laugh.

“Where are we going?” Phil asked as they exited the building, being greeted by the crisp, tranquil morning air.

“Library. I’m supposed to show you around until next period, which suits me just fine, believe me” Joe explained, and Phil nodded again, falling back into silence.

“You know, I’m really glad you’re not an asshole” Joe revealed as they sat opposite each other at a table near the back of the library. Phil was hunched over a novel, and Joe was sat back with his feet on the table, playing on his phone.

“Thanks” Phil replied, a smile playing on his lips.

“No I’m serious, I was absolutely dreading this. I thought I’d be forced to spend the day with a dickhead, I begged the teacher to not make me do this”

“Again, thanks”

“But it’s all cool, all good. Even if you’re very much on the quiet side” Joe smiled, before diverting his attention back to his phone, and Phil returned back to his novel. He felt safer when he was reading, like he wouldn’t be judged as harshly.

They remained in the library for the rest of the period, occasionally swapping small sentences of conversation. Phil’s heart sank when the bell rang loudly, echoing through the room, and Joe sighed, sliding his phone in his pocket.

“Well, fun time’s over. I can’t afford to skip another History lesson, Mister Libeck will kill me” Joe said as he got up from the table, and Phil scrambled to slide the book back into his backpack in the same time, so he could stay close enough to Joe that he wouldn’t get lost.

As they walked to their class, Phil was slowly becoming more comfortable in Joe’s presence. Though he was nothing like the kind of person Phil would hang around with in his old town (Joe was the typical ‘lad’ as Phil had heard the term thrown around), he was chatting and joking with Phil as if they had been friends for ages, and it made Phil feel a lot more welcomed to the school. He just hoped Joe’s hospitality wouldn’t run dry during the History lesson when he would more than likely be reunited with at least some of his friends. He seemed like the type who was friends with everyone.

He hung around the doorway of the room, not knowing if there was a seating plan or not, as some of his classmates were already sat down, and the last thing he wanted was to make an enemy on his first day. He felt his palms become clammy as more students entered the room and more seats were filled, with the room only half full it was double the size of the class population he was used to.

“Earth to Phil” Joe clicked his fingers in Phil’s face to snap him out of his panic state. “What are you doing? Come sit with us before there’s no seats left”

Joe then spun around and walked towards the back of the room, to a table already vacated by a brunette girl with blonde highlights.

“This is my sister Zoe, Zoe this is Phil, he’s new” Joe introduced the two, gesturing between them whilst his attention stuck on his phone.

Zoe rolled her eyes at her brother then turned to Phil, and smiled sweetly at him.

“It’s nice to meet you” she stated, and Phil repeated the same back. On first impressions, both Zoe and Joe seemed incredibly nice and Phil knew he could be doing a lot worse, he could be sat alone in class, or being beaten up in the corridor.

“Is Danny boy skipping again?” Zoe asked Joe a little while later, when the stream of students entering came to a halt.

Joe shook his head, momentarily making eye contact with his sister. “He said he can’t afford to. We both got the same letter, a bollocking from the head of year” Joe replied, and Zoe pressed her lips together.

“I really wish you wouldn’t skip, dad keeps going mental and it’s not good for any of you” she sighed, and it was Joe’s turn to roll his eyes.

“You’re so melodramatic, Zo. Just let things play out, I’ll be fine. Besides, I’m here, aren’t I?” he retorted sassily, and Zoe scowled at him.

“For once” she mumbled before turning her attention back to Phil.

As Zoe was talking about what had been covered in class so far, the door swung open again, and a brunet boy staggered inside, breathless with flushed cheeks. He was dressed in a grey shirt with a leather jacket draped over it, alongside skinny jeans which seemed to be the trend of the school (at least Phil had gotten one thing right with his own outfit). Even from a distance, Phil felt his heart race that much faster, he could tell how attractive the boy was already.  He tried his hardest to focus on Zoe’s words, but he couldn’t help his gaze flicking back over to the boy, and felt his heart pound even more erratically as he made his way over to their table, and threw his bag down next to Zoe, opposite Phil.

“Look who decided to show up.” Joe commented, not looking up from his phone, and the boy flipped him off.

“First off, fuck you. Secondly, I had to run all the way from T-Block, you know those stairs are a killer” his words were broken by his fast-paced breathing, and Phil couldn’t help but watch him in awe. All hope of subtlety was gone already.

Zoe nodded in sympathy, whilst Joe laughed at his friend’s misfortune. Phil felt heat rush to his cheeks as he noticed the boy glance over at him out of his peripheral vision. Phil was pretending to copy notes from the board, but a small smile played in the corner of his lips as he revelled in the fact that he had grabbed the attention of the cute boy for all of two seconds.

He saw the boy retrieve his phone and tap on the screen with the utmost fluidity, and Joe scoffed a few seconds later.

Phil was just in the middle of copying down a Tudor timeline when Joe’s voice interrupted him. “Phil, this is Dan. Dan, this is Phil”

“That’s a name I don’t hear often” Dan commented with a smile, and Phil returned it, frankly amazed his lip didn’t quiver. “It’s really nice to meet you”

With the amount of times Phil had heard the statement, he was beginning to think maybe he didn’t give off such a bad first impression after all. The thought gave him a little confidence boost.

“And yet Daniels are ten a penny” Phil shot back, and Dan raised an eyebrow.

“Touché” he nodded in approval, and Phil’s words came flooding back to him. He probably came across as cocky and arrogant, which realistically was the furthest thing from the truth. He just wanted to impress Dan, he hadn’t found anyone cute in the longest time.

Throughout the lesson, Phil was sure he caught Dan glancing at him on multiple occasions, but the more rational part of his mind stepped in and reminded him it was probably just wishful thinking, and he was just hoping the cute boy was looking at him. It made it difficult for Phil to concentrate, either way, and he ended the lesson with only half a page of work.

It was an overwhelming relief when Zoe asked Phil to join the three of them for lunch, and Phil even let himself smile as they entered the cafeteria, feeling more at ease than he ever thought he would, never mind feeling so on his first day. Joe and Dan had left to join the lunch queue, whilst Zoe and Phil secured a table.

“So how are you liking the school so far?” Zoe asked politely as they both opened their packed lunches.

“It’s… different” Phil answered truthfully, and he couldn’t help but glance at Dan, who was laughing and joking with Joe and another boy in the queue. Thankfully he managed to look away before Zoe noticed.

“Yeah, it’s a madhouse here,” she laughed, “never mind out of school when those two are drunk” she pointed behind her in the general direction of the lunch queue.

Afraid of what he’d blurt out if the topic of conversation stayed on Dan for too long, Phil moved on. He’d always had a problem with saying things on impulse. “I really appreciate you letting me sit with you at lunch… without sounding pathetic”

Zoe dismissed his gratefulness with a hand gesture. “Don’t be silly! Of course we would, you’re so sweet and I know how hard it must be on your first day”

Zoe then, seemingly sensing Phil was close to not saying another word due to shyness, turned the topic back to general conversation, and they chatted idly and pleasantly until Joe and Dan returned, placing their trays on the table in perfect synchronicity.

“Picked up a wild Caspar” Joe gestured to a blond boy who placed his tray down the other side of Zoe, whilst Dan sat opposite Phil again.

“Are you new?” Caspar asked Phil almost immediately in an undeniable South African accent, earning a shy nod from Phil and a scoff from Joe.

“Subtle as fuck, mate” he said to Caspar, and the blond flipped him off.

“Yeah, I am” Phil replied, voice small. He felt pathetic and vulnerable, and he was ever grateful when Dan came to his rescue.

Just as Caspar was about to deliver an array of questions, Dan threw a bunch of napkins at him, laughing when many of them floated onto Caspar’s food. “Leave him alone, he’s only been here a few hours, he doesn’t need to feel like he’s on bloody trial”

Caspar held up his hands in surrender, and apologised to Phil quickly (which Phil quietly assured him there was no need for but was thankful anyway) before beginning eating.

“Some people, huh?” Dan joked, nodding to Caspar. Phil was overwhelmed Dan was talking directly to him again, and he hoped this appreciation of appearance wouldn’t blossom into anything more. He’d never had a fully-fledged crush before, and he didn’t particularly want to start now. But even then, he knew he was getting ahead of himself, and it must have been obvious that he was lost in his own thoughts, as Dan clicked his fingers in front of Phil’s face as Joe had done in their last lesson.

“Yeah he does that a lot” Joe observed, in regards to Phil’s spacing out and getting wrapped up in his own head, and eyed him curiously.

Dan laughed and Phil blushed, fearful of making a bad impression on his potential friends. If they ditched him, he didn’t know what he would do.

Then, a blonde girl slipped into the seat on the other side of Joe, slamming down her lunch tray with enthusiasm, sending chips flying off of her plate and her burger to fall apart. Caspar begin sneakily stealing the flyaway chips as she spoke.

“You’ll never guess what!” she squealed, enrapturing the attention of everyone on the table. Including Phil, who didn’t even know her yet.

“Hello to you too, Louise” Dan replied sarcastically, and the blonde, evidently named Louise, scowled at him.

“Can it, Howell. Anyway, guess what!” she repeated, and Dan smirked. Phil found Dan’s surname cute, too.

“Don’t keep us in suspense any longer” Joe prompted in an intentionally dull, uninterested tone.

“Got us all invited to Ricky’s party on Saturday, didn’t I” she revealed smugly, and Joe and Caspar high-fived with a promise of accepting the challenge of getting laid at the party. Phil smiled at the typical ‘lad’ behaviour. It wasn’t something he’d witnessed before.

“ _All_ of us?” Zoe asked, subtly flicking her gaze over to Phil then back to Louise, and widened her eyes slightly to accentuate her point.

Louise then leaned forward to see around Joe, and her hand flew to her mouth when she saw Phil.

“Oh, I’m so sorry!” she exclaimed, and dashed around the table to stand at the end, beside Phil. “I didn’t see you there, I was so caught up in being the cool one of the group for once!” she laughed, bubbliness practically emanated from her. It was infectious, and Phil found himself smiling up at her just as widely. “Of course you’re invited with us, I’ll text Ricky in a second to add your name to the guest list too. I’m Louise” she introduced, and held out a manicured hand, which Phil shook.

“Phil” he introduced in turn, and Louise beamed at him again.

“Did you just start here today?” she asked politely, and Phil nodded. Though he was beginning to feel a little flustered being the centre of attention, as Louise was evidently the kind of person that attracted the attention of everyone around her.

“Hey,” Dan interrupted, as if he had some kind of radar for when Phil needed rescuing from anxiety. “Leave the boy be, Lou. He’s nervous enough as it is”

Louise then apologised profusely, and dashed back to her seat and began eating what was left of her lunch – Caspar had graduated to stealing food directly from her plate, despite his own lunch being only half-eaten.

Phil mouthed a thank you to Dan, who smiled in response. It made Phil’s heart skip a beat, he was sure, Dan had the most beautiful smile.

Whilst the rest of the group was questioning Louise on how she managed to snag invites to Ricky’s party (with his family being rich, Phil was told, every party Ricky threw was in an exclusive club with a specific VIP guest list, not the house party type that Phil expected every high school party to be) Dan placed his cutlery on his tray and leaned back in his seat.

“So tell me about yourself, new boy” he prompted, and Phil sat back in his own seat.

“You’ve saved me twice from being questioned about being the new boy, yet you call it me as a nickname” Phil reminded him, and Dan shrugged.

“Figured you wouldn’t mind it coming from me”

It was hard to argue with fact.

Over the course of lunch period, Phil found that he and Dan had a lot more in common than he was expecting, and it put him even more at ease, knowing that his music and entertainment taste wouldn’t be a cause for isolation. They discussed bands, anime, movies and fictional characters, laughing occasionally at a comment the other said.

It was weird, Phil reflected as he followed Joe on the way to their next class. It was just so easy to talk to Dan, Phil’s shyness wasn’t an issue. It was something he would never have expected, it had always stunted any chance of friendship he’d had at his old school.

“Am I alright to sit with you again?” Phil asked nervously as Joe led them into the Media room, where seats were filling quickly. Phil didn’t know where he would sit if Joe were to say no.

“Phil, assume you can always sit with me from now on” Joe laughed as he placed a hand on Phil’s shoulder, and looked at him as if the answer was obvious.

They secured a three-person desk near the back of the room, and the third seat was filled as Caspar padded into the room a couple of minutes late, whilst Phil and Joe were setting up their laptops after fetching the cables.

“Where the hell have you been, didn’t you leave right after us?” Joe asked, and Caspar’s cheeks adopted a faint red blush.

“Bathroom” Caspar mumbled, turning away from them slightly, Phil guessed in embarrassment. He naively wondered why, until Joe filled in the blanks.

“Hot date?” he asked with a smirk, and Caspar sighed.

“…. With myself” he admitted in a low mumble, and Joe burst into laughter, the kind of laughter that caused him to wheeze and slam his hand on the desk.

“Sorry but that’s classically tragic, even for you Cas” he stated as he ruffled his friend’s hair, and Caspar batted his hand away. “Don’t worry, you’ll get to stick it in at the party. I hear those fancy club bathrooms are like five-star hotel en-suites”

Phil widened his eyes in shock at how Joe and Caspar discussed the topic so liberally, so openly.

“I fucking hope so” Caspar stated in an annoyed huff, and began fiddling with his ethernet cable.

“You have girls falling at your feet, I think you’ll be fine” Joe sang the last part, and it caused Caspar to smile.

Once the laptops had been set up and the work for the lesson had been set, Joe turned his attention to Phil.

“What are your plans for the party? Getting there and stuff?” he asked, and Phil felt a shiver down his spine. He hadn’t even thought about it, he hadn’t even thought about having to ask his parents if he could even go.

“I, um, I haven’t really thought about it” he replied, and Joe nodded in understanding.

“Usually we take two cars, Zoe drives one and Tanya drives the other. They never really care about drinking so it works out great” Joe informed him, and Phil didn’t bring up the fact he had no idea who Tanya was.

“Tanya and her boyfriend Jim are friends of ours, by the way, nicest people ever. They’re on a trip today, but you’ll meet them soon” Caspar interjected, and Joe nodded.

“So you can carpool with us if you want” Joe offered, and Phil felt flattered. He knew he shouldn’t, considering how friendly and accepting the group had been to him so far, but there was a part of him that thought the hospitality wouldn’t stretch out of school hours.

“That’d be cool” Phil agreed, deciding it was the breeziest way to articulate his thanks.

“Great!” Joe smiled, and held out a hand. “Give me your phone so I can add my number and text you my address, we all meet there and go together, saves the hassle of going all over the place to pick everyone up”

Phil did, and Joe typed his number in, and then Caspar snatched the phone. Phil felt a bubble of anxiety form in his stomach, he hated people having his phone, it was a breach of privacy, as he’d always viewed it.

But Caspar handed it back a few seconds later, and Phil saw that he had added his number too. He had also texted himself from Phil’s phone to get his number in return.

“Friends for life, now. It’s official” Caspar wiggled his eyebrows and Phil laughed.

“So this is my address,” Joe said as he finished typing and placed his phone on the desk, Phil’s vibrating less than a second later. “Be there for about seven and we’ll set off once everyone’s there”

“Sounds a plan” Phil smiled.

Before they had a chance to speak a word more, the teacher came over to check on their progression, which consequently prompted an intense work burst for the duration of the double lesson, only allowing casual, idle chat in between.

When school was out for the day, Phil made his way to his mum’s car with a smile on his face, with the gut feeling that maybe transitioning from his old life in the city to this new one in a quaint little neighbourhood may not be as difficult or daunting as he initially thought. He already had friends, which is more than he could say at his old school.

\--

Phil managed through the rest of the week (with the help of his new friends, who collectively had to show Phil around everywhere and help him adjust), and spent the entire of Saturday morning and the best part of the afternoon prepping for the party. He had never been to a proper, highschool party before. He’d never been invited to a party on his own accord and not as part of a family invite. This was his first independent party, and he was incredibly shocked when his parents were more than enthusiastic for him to attend it, overjoyed that he had ‘made friends’ so early on.

“Oh Phil, you can’t focus properly when you’re shut off in the darkness like this” his mother tutted in disapproval as she walked into his room around midday, insisting she was stopping by just to check how he was doing.

She walked over to the window and began reeling up his blinds, sunlight pouring onto the carpet, casting shadows on the furniture.

“I _like_ being shut off in the darkness, that’s why my blinds are always down and have been since we moved in” Phil told her, and she shook her head.

“Nonsense. Besides, you haven’t even met the neighbours yet, you can at least wave to them if you see them on the garden or something this way. They’re lovely people, the Howells. I went over to visit yesterday whilst you were at school. Apparently they have a son your age, Dan I think they said?”

Phil’s blood ran cold, the boy he was incredibly attracted to (he refused to use the word crush) was his neighbour. Directly next door. But his mother wasn’t stopping with the revelations there.

“They say that Dan’s room is directly opposite yours, too, which is nice. You can meet up a lot and walk to school together and stuff, saves me having to drive you every morning” she chirped, and Phil felt his legs begin to shake, threatening to give way. It was too much information too soon.

Though it did make him want to keep his blinds open. Out of curiosity.

When his mother eventually left, which involved Phil promising he would seek out Dan Howell and talk to him (he lied and said he hadn’t already met him), Phil couldn’t resist walking over to the window and glancing at the view opposite.

A pair of monochrome curtains were draped across the window, and Phil pouted slightly. He didn’t know why, it wasn’t as if he expected Dan to already be there gawking at him. With a dismissive shrug, Phil returned to his previous task of deciding on an outfit.

Phil found that singing whilst he worked helped speed it along. He sang and danced along in the mirror as he straightened his hair, and tried to make himself look as presentable as possible. As he turned to retrieve his phone to forward Joe and Zoe’s address to his dad so he knew where to drop him off, something caught his eye.

He froze in place, the straighteners dangerously dropping onto the cooling mat in shock. Dan was leaning on the windowsill in the house next door, head resting on hands as he waved to Phil casually, and Phil just knew that Dan had seen him singing and dancing around.

Phil warily waved back, and he kicked himself for being so embarrassing. Dan smiled, forming dimples on his smooth skin, and he opened the window, and Phil knew that Dan wanted him to do the same. There was only a narrow alleyway between the two houses, so it was easy for them to hear one another.

“Hello there neighbour” Dan grinned, and Phil shook his head.

“What are the odds” he laughed, trying to distract from the fact his cheeks were all but on fire, “I can’t believe you just saw me do that”

“I’ve seen worse. Besides, I thought it was cute” Dan replied, no hint of lying or malice in his tone. Phil felt like he was going to melt.

“It definitely wasn’t cute. It was embarrassing” Phil told him, and Dan rolled his eyes.

“Let’s just agree to disagree” he proposed, and Phil shrugged. There was a bigger debate in his mind: _was Dan flirting with him?_

“Want to go to the Suggs’ house together?” Dan asked, and Phil pieced together the fact that Sugg must be Joe and Zoe’s surname – since Joe didn’t include it in his contact name.

“That would be a lifesaver, would you mind?” Phil asked, still not over the fact he would be so close to Dan all the time. The universe was either throwing him a curveball or an everlasting temptation.

“If I minded, I wouldn’t have asked. Meet me out front at about twenty to seven?”

Phil nodded, and Dan burst into a smile again, and stood up straight. He looked down at his hands, or so Phil presumed, not being able to see the windowsill due to the pane.

“By the way, I’d go with the third shirt you tried on. It’s cute and brings out your eyes and really suits you” Dan blurted before drawing his curtains shut in one swift motion, leaving Phil in a state of shock. Was Dan flirting? Phil had never been flirted with before, so he had no idea.

But as he closed his blinds, plunging the room into darkness once again, he picked up the burgundy button up shirt that he had discarded on his bed, and held it up against his body. Once he switched on the light and looked in the mirror, he saw that it really did bring out the blue in his eyes.

He was fastening the last button and running his fingers through his hair when he suddenly stopped, realisation flooding into his mind – how long had Dan been watching him? Had he watched Phil get changed in order to know the order of the shirts he tried on?

It caused the blush to reappear on Phil’s cheeks, and a shy smile play on his lips. He didn’t feel like he’d had his privacy invaded, not at all, his only thought regarding the matter was that he hoped Dan was impressed and liked what he saw.

Then, looking at it all in perspective, as Phil was, Dan had to have been impressed even a little bit to watch for as long as he seemingly did. He didn’t look away in horror.

The fact made Phil smile, and gave him a confidence boost as he made his way out of his house to meet Dan.

“You wore it!” was Dan’s enthusiastic greeting as Phil approached him, the brunet stood up from his previous seated position on his garden wall. Phil nodded meekly, trying his hardest not to blush again.

“You’re wearing a button-up too” Phil observed, taking in Dan’s outfit choice, a white shirt covered in a moth pattern paired with black skinny jeans, the same ones as he was wearing before. Phil was wearing the same jeans too. It was a relief.

“Looked amazing on you so I thought I’d give it a try too. We have similar hair so i’m hoping that’s reasoning enough” Dan smiled, flicking some of Phil’s fringe away from his eyes.

“I think it does, you look really good” Phil internally slapped himself, his attempts at flirting were laughable.

Though he did feel a flutter in his chest when his comment caused Dan to blush slightly.

It was then that Phil noticed the chunky backpack on Dan’s back, and he eyed it with an amused expression.

“That’s quite unique party attire, Daniel” he smirked, and Dan peered behind Phil, and looked confused when he saw no backpack in return.

“Are you not taking anything? You do know that everyone sleeps over at Zoe and Joe’s house afterwards, right?” Dan asked, and Phil’s eyes widened. He wasn’t told that.

“I… no I didn’t know that. Hang on one sec” he excused himself before rushing back into the house, gushing a quick explanation to his parents before he threw a ton of sleepover essentials into a random backpack that was on his bedroom floor, and dashed back outside in record time.

“Wow, quick” Dan seemed impressed.

“Can we please go before I change my mind” Phil’s question was more like a statement, not helped by the fact he was massively out of breath.

“Of course” Dan smiled, and began walking down the street, Phil following a few steps behind until he got his breathing back under control.

“Oh come on, Phil, here” Dan spoke with amusement in his voice as he walked backwards a few steps and linked arms with Phil, pulling them both along at a faster pace. Almost as quick as Phil’s heart was beating at the fact he was physically touching Dan, and, better yet, Dan had initiated it.

But he _wasn’t_ crushing on Dan.

He _couldn’t_ be, after only four days.

\--

“Without sounding pathetic, is it possible to be… fond of someone after only a few days?” Phil asked, biting his bottom lip as he sat beside Joe in the Suggs’ living room, waiting for the rest of the group to arrive.

Joe put down his phone to give Phil a curious side-eyed glance.

“As in wanting to sleep with someone straight away? Because if so,” Joe paused to take a sip from his beer can and smirked, “been there, done that”

Phil’s eyes widened, he probably shouldn’t be taken aback at how brazen Joe was, he had already proven to be a ‘lad’s lad’ from what Phil knew of him. But still, it was pretty impressive nonetheless.

“Not quite” Phil replied, feeling completely inadequate with only kissing one person before. “But more like… feelings” his voice was small.

Joe stifled back a chuckle. “That’s not really my style, so I couldn’t tell you” he shrugged, the smirk still tugging at his lips.

Phil knew that Joe was preparing to interrogate him, question who he already had feelings for (even though he was adamant he wasn’t crushing on Dan, it was impossible), but when Zoe and Louise entered the room after finishing getting ready upstairs, Louise began listing off the agenda for the night ahead. She had told Phil that she loved making lists and being organised, so he should have expected it. All attention in the room was diverted to her, including Joe’s, meaning Phil was temporarily off the hook.

“There’s no point in doing this. We’re all going to lose each other the minute we get inside, it’s a huge club” Joe spoke up at the end of Louise’s tenth point, with an accompanying eye roll.

“Not if we stick to the-“

“Nobody’s sticking to a list, Lou” Dan interjected softly, standing upright from his leaning position on the far wall. “All Joe and Caspar need are two drinks and they’re not leaving until the bouncers drag them out”

Caspar opened his mouth to object, but Dan sent him a look that seemed to speak volumes, as Caspar immediately closed his mouth again and shrugged in agreement. Joe mumbled an ‘it’s true’ that only Phil was close enough to hear.

“Why don’t we all just meet outside the club at, let’s say, two? At the very latest?” Zoe suggested, to which everyone agreed – some more reluctantly than others.

“I’ll set up a group text just in case someone decides to play hardball” Louise sent a quick glance to Joe, who held up his hands in surrender. Louise grinned as she tapped on her phone, the rest of the group’s phones all pinging and vibrating in sync representing the creation of the group chat.

As everyone was occupied with last minute preparations and spamming the group chat, Phil took a few seconds to glance over at Dan, who was deep in conversation with Jim, whom Phil had been introduced to along with Tanya a few minutes before.

Phil refused to acknowledge the quickening of his heartbeat as Dan met his gaze and smiled widely, before a second later launching back into conversation with Jim. Phil felt his palms become clammy and heat rise to his cheeks whilst perspiration clung to his forehead, not to go unnoticed by Joe, who just so happened to put down his phone at the same exact second Phil’s body seemed to rebel against him.

“Fuck, are you okay?” he asked, slight concern in his voice.

Phil nodded, and rubbed his palms against his jeans. Despite how much he wanted to, he refused to look over at Dan again out of fear of what would happen, so instead he focused his attention on the wall hanging above the fireplace, trying his best to observe in detail the way the colours interwove with one another in the embroidery.

“You’re barking up the wrong tree, mate,” Joe broke Phil’s state of observation, “she’s been smitten since she met Alfie four years ago”

It was then that Phil realised what Joe was talking about, as Zoe and Tanya were talking in front of the fireplace, in the same place Phil was staring previously. Given the earlier conversation he and Joe had, it was completely understandable for Joe to get that impression (albeit the wrong one).

“Definitely barking up the wrong tree,” Phil agreed, scratching his neck nervously, “Not quite the right type for me”

Joe gazed quizzically at him for a few seconds, during which time Phil was desperately trying to get his point across without having to say it out loud. He wasn’t out to many people at all, mostly only family, and some of the people he had come out to had less than desirable reactions.

“Oh _”_ Joe spoke after a minute or so, his cheeks reddening slightly in embarrassment, “ _Oh._ Sorry I thought you were checking my sister out”

Phil couldn’t help bursting into laughter, momentarily attracting the attention of various members of the group before turning back to their individual conversations. Joe didn’t seem disgusted or angry at all, either, which was a huge weight off Phil’s shoulders and made him almost want to burst into happy tears.

“By the way, it’s nothing to worry about with us. Everyone’s cool with it, I promise” Joe whispered, as to not attract more attention to an already sensitive topic. Phil felt a wave of relief wash over him, it was one thing he had less to worry about. If Joe was telling the truth – which Phil had no reason not to believe – then even if his sexuality came out accidentally, he wouldn’t have to fret about anyone’s reaction. But Joe wasn’t done with his reassurances.

“In fact, and I’m sure he won’t mind me telling you this, but Dan is too” Joe smiled, “So don’t feel isolated because of it, is I guess what I’m trying to say?”

Joe was babbling, and Phil assured him that everything was fine (Joe frankly seemed relieved beyond words) but Phil was focusing more on the fact that Dan was open about his sexuality, and that his orientation gave Phil more confidence than he already possessed. It also gave him a little wisp of hope, for a reason he refused to acknowledge.

But there was no denying the all too familiar flutter in his chest when Dan glanced over at him, smiling widely again, this time holding his gaze for a few seconds longer.

\--

It came as a surprise to Phil when the group all got into the club without a hitch. Even though he was added to the guest list only hours after everyone else, Phil was shocked to be allowed in like the rest of his newfound friends (he felt comfortable enough around the group to call them that by that point).

He still, however, remained near the back of the gaggle, very much following wherever Louise and Tanya, who were at the front of the group, wanted to go. They all secured three tables near the back of the club, which they pushed together. Joe, Caspar and Jim left to get everyone’s drinks as soon as they entered, whilst the rest of them settled in their seats.

“This one is bigger than his usual parties, right?” Tanya shouted to be overheard over the pounding bass music, as she looked around at the countless groups of friends huddled in different areas of the club, and the early partygoers who were already on the dancefloor under the fluorescent spotlights.

“I think so!” Zoe agreed as she looked around too, tapping her fingers on the edge of the table along with the beat.

Whilst the girls began discussing people’s outfit and makeup choices, Dan scooted closer to Phil, so much so that their knees were close to touching.

“So how are you liking everyone, neighbour?” he asked with a smile. Phil gulped, and swallowed back the desire to reply ‘well I really like you’.

“I’m really thankful Joe took me under his wing and that everyone has been so nice” he replied, internally kicking himself for sounding so unbelievably lame.

Dan grinned, and nudged Phil’s shoulder. “I’m thankful too. It’d have been a real shame if I never got to meet you”

Phil couldn’t fight the smile that played on his lips upon hearing Dan’s words. “You would have had to meet me anyway, I’m pretty sure my mum would have made me go to your house anyway, neighbourly love and all that”

“You can still do that, if you want,” Dan shrugged, “I have an extensive array of video games I’m sure I could annihilate you on” he had a playful glint in his eyes.

“I just might hold you to that” Phil tried his best to speak in a teasing tone of voice, but he was sure he failed. Anything that could be construed as flirting, Phil was sure he failed at.

“Make sure that you do” Dan teased, and Phil was sure that Dan winked, but it was hard to tell under the dark lighting. And there was no way in hell he was going to ask.

It was then that the other boys returned with the drinks, placing each glass in front of the one that ordered it. Zoe’s boyfriend Alfie had also now joined the group, and the way Alfie had his arm loosely around Zoe’s waist made Phil smile. He was always a fan of subtle displays of public affection.

“Cheers?” Dan asked rhetorically, holding his glass up.

Phil smiled and clinked their glasses together, which consequently got the attention of the others, and Louise pouted.

“Nope, that’s not fair. No favouritism, Daniel” she tutted jokingly and held up her own glass, “A toast for tonight, and for the lovely Phil who I am very glad is now in our lives”

Phil felt himself blush, and was now thankful for the dark lighting he was previously cursing.

“Agreed!” Dan exclaimed enthusiastically, taking even Phil by surprise, and Zoe mirrored his enthusiasm.

In a matter of seconds, all of the group were holding up their glasses in the middle of the table, clinking them against everyone else’s, chanting ‘cheers’ and laughing when Caspar waved his glass about a little too violently and some of his drink began trickling down his arm.

Separate conversations began a few seconds afterwards, and Jim and Tanya left to dance. Phil watched after them, smiling upon noticing how they looked at each other, with such affection.

“They’re so in love, you can tell even though we’re all only eighteen” Dan commented, and Phil realised Dan must be watching the couple too.

“I can tell and I’ve only known them for three hours” Phil laughed.

“Tan already said I can be a bridesmaid at the wedding” Dan told him, and Phil stifled a giggle.

“I can just imagine you in a bridesmaid dress” Phil stated, and Dan playfully punched him in the arm.

“Hey, I can rock a dress if I wanted to. Have you seen these legs?” he joked, but Phil knew that Dan really could rock a dress if he wanted to. There wasn’t much that Dan couldn’t rock. He would suit everything. It just made him all the more appealing.

“Do you think pigeons really explode like they do in the movies?” Phil heard himself voice his thoughts, and widened his eyes in realisation that he said something so stupid that was only meant for his own mind. If Dan wasn’t already put off by his weirdness, Phil had certainly wrecked things now.

But instead, Dan laughed. “What?” he asked through his laughter.

Phil felt like he was digging himself deeper into a hole he couldn’t get out of. But he was already into this weird thought process, he might as well finish. “Like… when people throw rice at weddings and pigeons eat it, have you never seen them explode when it happens in movies? I just wonder if it’s true to life”

“Your mind fascinates me” Dan stated, and Phil could see that he had Dan’s full attention. It made him slightly giddy.

But Phil had no idea how to reply, or how to continue the conversation. He didn’t want to say anything to screw everything up, even though he was adamant there was nothing to screw up. Because it was impossible to have a crush on someone after only four days. He wasn’t crushing on Dan, the incredibly cute and attractive brunet neighbour who appreciates Phil’s weirdness and has called him cute. And potentially watched him through his bedroom window. Which the prospect of undeniably thrilled Phil.

“So are you free tomorrow?” Dan surprisingly carried on the conversation, and Phil’s heart skipped a beat.

“I-I think so” Phil answered, kicking himself under the table for allowing himself to stutter.

“Great. I’ll text you tomorrow afternoon once we get back from Zoe and Joe’s to triple check timings” Dan smiled, and Phil tried his hardest to calm down his erratically beating heart.

“If I don’t see you for another window chat before then” the words slipped out before Phil realised what he was saying, and he wanted the ground to swallow him up when Dan laughed again.

“That’s very true,” Dan replied with a shrug. The neon spotlights were reflecting from his eyes, the most fluorescent lights of vibrant magenta and striking blues swirling with the richest of brown eyes, and it took all Phil had not to be mesmerised and stare to his heart’s content. “Maybe that’s the more efficient method of communication”

Phil simply nodded, biting his lip so his words wouldn’t betray him again.

They sat in silence for a minute or so, and Dan was soon in conversation with Louise and Caspar, whilst Phil looked on at the partygoers with a hint of jealousy, he admired the confidence it took to dance in a room full of people, even if one was in a group. Phil had never been one to put himself out there in any sense of the phrase, and it wasn’t as if he’d been to any parties during his time at his old school.

He watched as the group slowly emptied from around him; Joe and Caspar left to find prospective ‘dates’ for the evening, Zoe and Alfie left for the dancefloor during a slow dance, Louise left to talk to some other friends of hers, and upon returning, dragged Dan off to dance with her. She asked Phil, too, but when he declined she didn’t pressure him. Dan didn’t have a choice, Louise used the excuse of their twelve year friendship against him and dragged him to the dancefloor anyway, regardless of his protest.

When Dan gestured for Phil to join the group (who had all, with the exception of Joe and Caspar, reunited for a medley of party classics) he politely declined again, and dipped his head as he cursed himself for not being more courageous. The dancefloor was packed, it wasn’t as if anyone would be staring at him specifically, but he just knew that if he tried to go over, he would fall, his legs would betray him.

He felt himself begin to tear up, and soon enough tears would be falling into his near enough empty glass, and he would gain the reputation of the pathetic loser who cried at a highschool party. Like he didn’t have enough reason to be alienated already being the new kid. Phil continued his string of self-deprecation for a while, his attention now thoroughly off his surroundings.

“Well don’t you look like you’re having a good time” a voice interrupted his thoughts, and Phil snapped his head up to see Joe sitting on the seat opposite him. A pretty redhead sat beside Joe, his arm slung loosely around her shoulders, and she pressed her body into him.

“I’m-I’m coping” Phil sighed upon realising that he was as transparent as his now empty glass, and Joe pressed his lips together.

“Can you go get us a drink please, babe?” he asked the redhead, who immediately nodded, then kissed Joe deeply and passionately before getting up from the table and heading in the direction of the bar. The whole scene left Phil in slight shock, Joe’s confidence never failed to leave him in awe.

“You have no idea what her name is, do you” Phil mumbled once she was out of earshot, and Joe’s eyes widened in interest.

“What makes you think that?” he asked, clearly intrigued in Phil’s logic.

“The few seconds of hesitation before you said babe, and the fact that nobody would call someone they met less than a half hour ago ‘babe’” Phil explained, and Joe nodded, seemingly impressed.

“That’s smart,” Joe complimented, then finished the contents of someone else’s drink, Phil couldn’t remember whose. “But no, I don’t know her name. Don’t need to” he shrugged, placing the glass back down on the table.

Phil studied Joe’s facial expressions, he was the epitome of casual and breezy.

“Are you what they call a player, then?” Phil was genuinely interested.

Joe laughed heartily, and began drumming his fingers on the table along with the beat, the song now changed to something from the charts Phil had no hope of identifying.

“I wouldn’t say that,” he chuckled, “I just have needs, and do what I have to do to fill them. Some may call it being a player, but that’s their deal”

In a strange way, Phil kind of admired him for that.

“It’s kind of like when you want to get the last bit of ketchup out of the bottle, right, but it’s stuck” Joe had now moved onto explaining to Phil, through a very vivid metaphor, what it was like to want to ‘fulfil his needs’.

“I’m begging you to stop” Phil spoke with a grimace, on the brink of physically cringing.

Joe held his hands up in surrender, and tried desperately to keep down his laughter at Phil’s naivety.

Whilst Joe moved onto a more family friendly topic, Phil couldn’t stop his gaze from drifting over to Dan, who was jumping crazily along to the chorus of some pop song with Louise and Zoe. It made Phil smile, to see Dan having fun.

“…Don’t you think?” Joe finished, Phil only hearing the last part of it, having no idea of the context. He felt his cheeks heat up when it occurred to him how long he’d been watching Dan, and how inevitably obvious it would be to Joe.

Phil had never really believed in saving graces, but Dan Howell always seemed to be in the right place at the right time.

“Will you _please_ come and dance?” he pouted, holding out his hand as he arrived back at the table and nodded towards the dancefloor.

Though every nerve on Phil’s body was standing on end, craving some form of contact with Dan, the more rational part of Phil’s mind reminded him the consequences of if he tried to get up and dance. Eternal embarrassment and the branding of a pathetic loser.

“Dancing’s… not really my thing” Phil bit his lip, trying to sound as sincere as possible. But he didn’t know if what he was saying was true or not, he had never tried dancing outside of his bedroom. And that was a different kind of dancing altogether. Phil was sure he’d be the kind of person to have two left feet when it came to rhythm, though.

“Please? I feel really bad leaving you sitting here alone” Dan sounded genuine, and it made Phil feel even guiltier.

“Um, hello? What the hell am I, a duck?” Joe interjected, pointing to himself dramatically to prove the point that Phil wasn’t alone in the moment. Even though all three of them knew what Dan meant.

“Bite me, Sugg,” Dan retorted sassily. “Plus you’d best _quack_ on with necking that redhead, I’m pretty sure she’s chatting up the bartender right now” he pointed towards the bar, and Joe flipped him off before getting up and jogging over, nudging Dan playfully as he passed.

“Did you just use a duck pun?” Phil asked, not sure if he heard Dan correctly.

“I did, and I’m proud of it” Dan beamed, and slipped into the seat beside Phil.

All Phil did in response was laugh, and both of their attentions turned to the dancefloor, where everyone was currently dancing the Macarena in sync. It was like the most old school flash mob imaginable, to see from afar.

“I bloody love the Macarena” Dan commented, and the bubble of guilt in Phil’s stomach was never more prominent.

“Then go dance it, I’m fine on my own, honestly” Phil insisted, but Dan shook his head.

“Nah, I couldn’t do that to you. Plus my feet are killing me now” the brunet replied, resting his head on his hands as he watched everyone dance.

The song was nearly over and was fading into another party classic (Oops Upside Your Head, which Phil had always found hilarious to see people ‘dance’ to, though at all the parties he’d ever been to, it’d been a bunch of middle-aged parents and toddlers in a line on the floor only being half-assed about it).

“Drink?” Dan asked a minute later, clearly not as enthralled by the dance routine as Phil was.

They made their way over to the bar, their fingers brushing softly multiple times. It made Phil gulp as his mind left to wander about what could possibly happen if Dan was doing it intentionally. What it could possibly mean.

It seemed to go in a blur, Dan ordering their drinks and then leading Phil outside into the club’s beer garden. Things only seemed to slow back down when they reached the bottom of the steps and walked over to one of the distant tables, away from any others. There was a tall hedge surrounding the area, all trimmed in gold and silver fairy lights, casting a soft glow on the scene. It made Dan look ethereal, Phil thought. The soft light bouncing from his supple skin, dipping into his dimple when he laughed at one of his own jokes. Phil had never seen someone more beautiful. Never thought someone could be so beautiful.

“It’s crazy to think I’ve only known you since Tuesday” Dan stated, taking a sip of his drink.

“How so?” Phil asked out of curiosity. Either way, Dan made it sound positive.

“We just have so much in common, it’s like I’ve known you for years”

Phil nearly choked on his drink. He had been thinking the exact same thing, ever since they had gotten along so well during lunch period the day he first started. To know Dan felt the same was an overwhelming sense of relief. Phil felt as if he could say anything around Dan, with no fear of being judged, something he didn’t yet feel as comfortable doing with anyone else he had met thus far. He didn’t know what it was about Dan that put him so much at ease.

“I like to think I’m a good judge of character” Dan’s tone of voice had changed to one of more sincerity, and it made Phil wonder why. But Dan was still smiling, a glint of emotion Phil couldn’t identify glimmering in his eyes that couldn’t be put down to the fairy lights.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Phil asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Never you worry your pretty little head about that,” Dan waved off Phil’s curiosity, “But it’s obviously a good thing considering I’m not avoiding you at all costs and am instead sat with you in an undeniably romantically lit setting”

Dan’s wording took Phil’s breath away slightly, it was impossible to say that he wasn’t flirting, right? The question was whizzing around Phil’s mind at full speed, and the impromptu surge of confidence convinced him to take the plunge with his own words.

“Yeah, those two over there look like they’re going to start making out any second now” Phil nodded subtly to the table in the opposite corner of the garden. The two people were sat directly next to each other, as Dan and Phil were, and were laughing and joking whilst occasionally stealing glances and sipping their drinks, as Dan and Phil were (Phil was sure). Phil hoped that Dan understood what he was trying to say so discreetly, the resemblance between them and the other two people was uncanny.

It took Phil by surprise slightly when the two on the other table did indeed begin to kiss, and it left him with a yearning in his chest. A yearning he could only begin to satisfy by brushing his fingers gently against Dan’s, testing. When Dan broke into a smile, Phil felt his heart begin to race.

“You must be psychic” Dan shrugged, before retrieving his phone and bringing up a video online.

A few minutes later they were hunched over Dan’s phone watching an omnibus of viral videos, faces mere millimetres apart. The close proximity did nothing to help the feelings Phil was repressing, refusing to acknowledge, especially when Dan flicked his gaze over to Phil and smiled fondly before returning his attention back to the screen.

It wasn’t long before Phil wasn’t paying attention to the videos anymore. His mind had wandered off into a daydream, wondering what it would be like to kiss Dan, how satisfying and quite possibly magical it would be. Generally, thoughts he shouldn’t be having about a boy he only met four days before. It sounded like a classic symptom of a schoolgirl crush, he knew, but he refused to even acknowledge that. Never mind the possibility it could be something more. He knew he was close to giving into his temptation, he had never been all that good at resisting.

Phil had never been more thankful to be interrupted out of his thoughts.

“There you guys are!” Caspar exclaimed, walking over to Dan and Phil, who simultaneously sat back in their seats, away from the phone screen. Phil was thankful for the cold breeze that danced through the air, aiding the calming of his blushing cheeks.

 Caspar had his arm wrapped around the waist of a pretty blonde girl, who was pressed into him. Phil could immediately notice the telltale signs of how Caspar’s night had gone, the not-so-subtle hickeys on his neck and his dishevelled hair, accompanied by the bright pink lipstick stains on his shirt collar, identical to the shade of lipstick being sported by the blonde.

“Never mind us, where have _you_ been?” Dan asked with a smirk, revelling in the fact he was making his friend squirm. The blonde girl seemed unfazed, and didn’t seem to be paying attention at all as she scrolled on her phone.

“We went to… Evelyn’s house for a little while” Caspar answered cautiously, grimacing as the girl tore her attention away from her phone to stare at him.

“My name is Sophie” she corrected him, and Dan snorted with laughter. Phil himself had to bite his lip to stifle his own laughter. Caspar shot them both a warning look before planting a delicate kiss on Sophie’s lips, which she happily accepted.

“Close enough” she shrugged before wrapping her arms around his neck and kissing him passionately. Dan and Phil looked to each other in amazement at what was happening in front of them, and shared a subtle laugh behind their hands.

Sophie then left to catch up with her friends who were apparently waiting outside the club for her, and Caspar slipped into one of the seats opposite Dan and Phil.

“How the fuck did you manage that” Dan asked, and Caspar smirked.

“Never think you can best me, Howell, I never lose when it comes to the art of seduction”

Dan then pretended to gag, and Caspar reached over to hit Dan gently across the head.

“No but seriously, I just seem to keep striking out, I need tips” Dan sounded genuine though he tried to disguise it as a joke. Phil wondered who Dan had tried to hit on, who ultimately rejected him. It gave Phil a pang in his chest when he realised that he would never turn Dan down. No matter the consequence.

“I’ll teach you one day, learn from the master” Caspar grinned, and Dan sighed.

“If I wasn’t so bloody desperate for this guy, I’d have punched you for that”

“Small mercies” Caspar stated sarcastically, and Dan flipped him off.

Phil didn’t contribute much to the rest of the conversation, he very much kept to himself, lost in his thoughts. His thoughts that were, unsurprisingly, about Dan. As they had been since he first met him. Amorous, suggestive kind of thoughts that he really shouldn’t be having. And the jealousy that niggled in the back of his mind towards whoever Dan wanted to impress.

It only seemed a second before Louise, Zoe and Alfie joined them in the garden, Louise stating it was better they stuck together up until they were due to leave, so they could leave on time. She had it written it in her organiser again for safekeeping.

Joe was nowhere to be seen, and a panicked Zoe was continuously calling him as the group made their way out of the club. Surprising nobody, Joe was backed up against the brick wall of the club, passionately making out with the same redhead as before.

“That smooth fucker” Dan muttered, causing Phil to laugh.

“Okay casanova, we get it. She’s your one true love and all” Caspar rolled his eyes as he took hold of Joe’s arm and yanked him away from the redhead, who flipped Caspar off almost immediately and scowled. She then screamed a string of curse words after the group as they made their way to Zoe and Tanya’s cars, but Zoe stormed back in an angered outburst.

“Honey, you’ll be lucky if he remembers your name in the morning” she shouted, then turned back on her heels and stomped off to her car, taking Alfie’s hand as she passed him and tugging him along with her.

Dan and Phil were at the back of the group, and had watched everything unfold.

“Are your nights out always this hectic?” Phil asked, still in amazement from everything that had happened. It was like nothing he’d ever experienced, but strangely similar to a few teen movies he’d seen.

Dan shrugged and nudged Phil’s shoulder as they followed the others. “Pretty much,” he chuckled, “But you’ll get to see that for yourself now that you’re in with the cool kids”

“You sure think highly of yourself”

Dan threw his head back in laughter. “Okay so maybe we’re not the _cool_ kids. But, like, we’re cool in our own way, okay?”

“All of them but you” Phil quipped, and Dan pouted, though Phil was barely able to see under the dim lamplight of the car park.

“I’m hurt, Philip. Deeply hurt” Dan melodramatically placed a hand on his chest.

“Then I guess I’d best not go to play video games with you later, right?” Phil hid his smile under his hand. He had private plans with Dan already, and if the teen movies and romantic comedies had taught him anything over the years, it’s that _anything_ can happen when two people are alone together, never mind two people with such palpable tension.

There was no point in Phil denying it anymore.

He knew there was no point in refusing to acknowledge the way his stomach flipped in excitement whenever Dan’s fingers brushed against his, the way his heart raced that much faster whenever Dan spoke to him, the way he felt so happy to be sleeping beside Dan on the Suggs’ living room floor that night, whispered ‘goodnight’s and shared smiles carrying them through to the morning.

There was no point in Phil denying that he was crushing hard on Dan Howell.

\---

Phil didn’t speak much the following morning. Zoe and Joe’s father made everyone breakfast, and Phil was sure to not sit next to Dan. He sat between Louise and Jim, and kept his gaze firmly on the television screen throughout breakfast, focusing all his attention on the reality show that was playing.

_Step one of getting over a crush: admitting you have one._ Phil was having a debate with himself in his head. He had no idea if Dan had even noticed that Phil was purposefully avoiding him. Phil knew that, realistically, he didn’t have a chance with Dan. Dan was a loud, outgoing, happy-go-lucky type who everyone loved dearly, and Phil was a quiet, shy type with as much charm as a bag of flour. And that was something he’d actually been told in the past. He was lucky that Dan even looked at and spoke to him, he shouldn’t hope for anything more.

_Step two of getting over a crush: don’t repeat what happened last time._

That was also playing on Phil’s mind. All the time.

The group left the Sugg residence around midday, all splitting up in their separate directions at the junction at the end of the road, waving goodbye to each other. Phil gulped when it was just him and Dan left walking to their street.

“You were really quiet at breakfast,” Dan spoke almost immediately, “Everything okay?”

Phil bit back his instinct to reply ‘apart from my inappropriate crush on you everything’s peachy keen’ and instead nodded. He knew he appeared solemn and probably moody.

“You were so chatty last night, though, and now you’re not even saying a word to me…” Dan trailed off, and Phil could see that Dan had dipped his head. Phil noticed there was a tone of something he couldn’t identify in Dan’s voice, he wondered if it was hurt.

Dan was silent then, the two of them walking along the streets (Dan leading slightly, Phil following as he was still new to the area) with only the scuffing of shoes on the pavement as noise.

Phil knew that it wasn’t normal for Dan to be so quiet, he’d been told by everyone else that they could never usually shut him up. Knowing that he was the cause, Phil felt guiltier than words could describe, it was just for his own selfish means. It wasn’t Dan’s fault that Phil had developed a crush on him. So after a deep breath, Phil finally spoke. Though a sizeable percentage of his rationality argued against it.

“I’m just a little hungover, I guess. Killer headache”

Immediately, Dan perked up, and stood still for a second until they were walking side by side. He threw his arm around Phil’s neck and laughed.

“You barely drank” he reminded Phil, though Phil was already well aware. It was the first ice breaker he could think of.

“Looks like I’m a lightweight” he shrugged, and Dan laughed again.

“Don’t drink much, do you?” he asked with an amused grin. Phil felt relieved, Dan seemed to be back to his usual self. He also found that when Dan was in a happy mood, he himself was too. It was remarkable, really.

“Never really had the chance outside of family get-togethers” Phil admitted rather glumly, and Dan squeezed his shoulders, Phil assumed in sympathy. He knew he didn’t need to say anymore, he had made it perfectly clear before that he wasn’t particularly popular back in his old school.

“No need to worry about that now, my friend. You’ve got all of us to drag you downtown, and I’m always available next door if you want hooking up with a nice cold frosty one”

It took Phil a few seconds to realise Dan was talking about beer.

“Don’t make promises you can’t keep” Phil joked, and Dan shook his head.

“No promise too big, Phil. You come over whenever you want and we’ll drink it up real nice” Dan sounded sincere, and Phil appreciated the gesture.

“How about if I don’t want to drink at your house all the time?”

“Then we can video game it up real nice. Truth be told, that’d be my preference… but don’t tell Joe and Caspar I said that” Dan grimaced emphatically, and Phil made a lock-and-key motion over his lips.

Dan mainly led the conversation up until they both arrived home, and the brunet leaned against his garden wall as he had done the evening prior.

“So, instead of texting, shall we just settle the timings now?” he asked, and Phil simply nodded. Dan seemed to be used to Phil’s obvious quietness, at least.

“Yeah, sure” Phil agreed, and Dan pressed his lips together momentarily, before smiling again.

They arranged for Phil to go round at about seven-ish, and Dan’s excitement was evident. Phil tried his best to mirror it, but as excited and thoroughly thrilled as he was to be spending quality alone time with Dan, now that he had accepted and validated his feelings, the very thought terrified him too.

By the time Phil got to his room after the grilling from his parents, he was nervously sweating again. He made sure his blinds were fully drawn closed then flopped down on his bed, trying to process the millions of thoughts he had whizzing around his mind.

“Did you have fun?” a little voice broke the silence, and Phil sat back up to see Kaitlin standing in the doorway, blonde curls bouncing on her shoulders as she tipped her head to the side, awaiting a reply.

“I did” Phil answered with a small smile, and Kaitlin beamed at him.

“Did you kiss any boys?” she asked innocently, and Phil couldn’t stop his mouth from falling open slightly. It was fact that children were overall more forthright due to their innocence, but every time Kaitlin asked a question regarding Phil’s sexuality, it always caught him off-guard slightly. Had done since he told her about his preference.

Ignoring his instinct (‘I wish’) he shook his head. “Not now, Kait. Go play” he attempted to wave her off, but the toddler shook her head in return and took a few steps further into Phil’s room.

“Mummy said the boy next door is really nice,” she told her brother, with no idea that he already knew. “Why don’t you kiss him?”

Phil had to chuckle to himself. If he didn’t know any better, it seemed as if his little sister was trying to set him up with Dan. _Which wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world,_ another part of his brain argued.

“I can’t kiss him, Kait. You can’t go around kissing people that don’t like you that way” Phil informed her, picking her up and sitting her on his lap.

She looked up at him, big blue eyes wide as she learnt. “Why not? Isn’t kissing a way of showing someone you love them? Like mummy and daddy do?” 

Phil smiled. “It can be. But that’s because mum and dad loved each other for a long time before they kissed, do you see?”

Kaitlin nodded slowly. “But,” she argued, “If you get to know the boy next door and like him, can you kiss him then?” she asked.

“I suppose so, but he’d have to like me too” Phil shrugged, feeling a pang in his chest.

“You love each other, then you kiss?” she asked for clarification, and Phil nodded, a small smile on his lips once again. “So talk to him” she instructed, placing a hand on her hip.

“I’m seeing him later” Phil told her, and Kaitlin grinned.

“And kissing him?” she asked, the epitome of innocence.

“Maybe” Phil replied, a wisp of hope with his words.

\--

The Howells were very welcoming. Dan’s mother opened the door and greeted Phil with a wide smile, and his father shouted hello from the living room. As Phil made his way across the landing to where he had been told Dan’s bedroom was, he felt his breath hitch in his throat slightly. Visiting a friend’s house was a big step in any friendship, and the alone time could bring about anything.

He didn’t really know what he was wanting to happen.

Phil knocked gently on the door and upon hearing the response of ‘come in’ he pushed it open, and immediately marvelled at the décor of Dan’s room, and the striking similarity it shared to his own. Posters of various bands plastered most of the walls, and a desktop computer sat on a desk in the corner of the room, clothes piled on top of it in a quick attempt at tidiness. Even their duvet patterns were unbelievably similar, Dan’s a monochrome print contrasting against Phil’s blue and green. Though his duvet colours matched his curtain colours, Phil found it amusing.

But by far the most notable thing was Dan himself, sat on the bed in a simple graphic print t-shirt and pyjama bottoms, his cheeks slightly red but eyes all but twinkling.

“Welcome to my humble abode” he greeted, stretching his arms out wide and grinning.

“It’s literally like being in my room at home” Phil laughed as he made his way over to the desk chair.

“You mean your house that is literally twenty steps away and that I can-“ Dan paused to look out of his window, “yep, that I can see into right now”

“So you do that a lot? Be a peeping Tom?” Phil asked with a raised eyebrow, and Dan’s cheeks only intensified in colour.

“N-no” he stuttered, and Phil bit his bottom lip to prevent laughing. “I just mean that, like… shut up!” Dan was incredibly flustered, and Phil found it cute.

“It was a simple question, Daniel” Phil shrugged, and Dan turned back around to meet his gaze.

“Well, Philip,” he began, and crawled across his bed and stretched over so their faces were unbelievably close to touching and Phil felt his breath hitch, “I’m going to kick your ass at some video games now, so I can watch you crying yourself to sleep tonight”

“That’s a bit extreme” Phil whispered, frankly scared that if he spoke at normal volume it would deafen Dan, they were so close.

“Yeah it was a bit, wasn’t it” Dan bit his fingernail as he cast over his previous words. “Sorry. But anyway, the point is you’re going to lose”

“You see,” Phil spoke with a bout of confidence, “I’m hearing you _talk_ a big game, but I’m not seeing you play one…”

Dan then jumped off the bed and reached for two controllers, and switched the corresponding console on.

“Oh it’s on” he challenged, handing a controller over to Phil. “You’re going down”

“I’ll only play if you get better at trash talking or don’t try to trash talk at all” Phil told him, and Dan sighed dramatically.

“Fine _._ But it’s only because you’re scared you’re about to lose. I’m going to take you all the way downtown, boyo”

“Dan.”

“ _Fine”_ Dan whined as the first game commenced.

Twenty-four matches later on various games, Phil was winning by four points. Points in the competition they had made between themselves.

“Fuck!” Dan exclaimed in frustration as Phil won the last match, lengthening his win overall, and threw his controller onto his bed.

Phil gently placed his controller beside Dan’s, and ruffled the brunet’s hair.

“It’s okay to suck at video games, Dan. The world needs sucky people like you to make professionals like me look better” he teased, and Dan pouted.

“You definitely cheated” he mumbled. At least Dan was as much of a sore loser as Phil was himself.

“No, I’m just better than you. Can’t argue with fact” Phil couldn’t stop grinning, teasing Dan about being a sore loser was too much fun.

“I will kick you out of my house” Dan was still mumbling, and Phil couldn’t hold in his laughter anymore.

He was laughing hysterically, only furthered by Dan’s frustration as he continued to list the apparent ways Phil cheated in multiple games. It was only when Dan threw a cushion at him that Phil started to calm down.

“I bet you’re so happy you decided to invite me over tonight” Phil stated as he sat back against the wall, stretching his legs across the bed.

Dan threw another cushion at him, and sat back against the wall at the opposite end of the bed.

“In spite of everything, yes” Dan replied, holding up yet another cushion, ready to throw in case Phil decided to mock him again.

“Bring it in” Phil stretched open his arms for a hug, and Dan eyed him curiously for a few seconds. When Phil didn’t say anything more, simply gestured for him to accept the hug, Dan hutched towards Phil to wrap his arms around his torso, and Phil wrapped his arms around Dan in return.

In the few hours they’d spent together, away from everyone else, just bonding via video games, Phil honestly felt as if Dan was almost destined to be his best friend. Or at least someone that was undoubtedly meant to be in his life. It was weird to think, since they’d known each other less than a week, but they just clicked in every single way. Interests, personalities, hairstyles, it all just worked. _They_ just worked.

They’d gotten along from the very beginning, having deep conversations and such, but it was as though they had really gotten to know each other now. There were no boundaries of conversation, no worry of offending the other person, Phil’s shyness never cropped up once. He never once thought that Dan didn’t want him there. It was something Phil had never experienced before, he had always felt a burden on everyone. But with Dan it was just so easy, a genuine, lasting friendship forged over a matter of hours. It was thrilling. The very concept to be hugging someone out of his family would have terrified Phil up until a month ago. But, again, they just worked. It didn’t feel as if Phil was hugging someone he only met earlier in the week, it was as if he was finally getting to grips with the person he’d been missing his whole life. Though maybe all the novels he’d read through the years were probably partly to blame for that mindset.

But, still, the temptation was too much.

“Loser” Phil whispered, and he felt Dan laugh into his chest.

“That’s it” Dan said before tackling Phil down, causing them both to erupt in laughter. “You couldn’t just be a good sport, could you?” he giggled as they broke apart their embrace and laid beside each other.

Dan’s fingers were rested on top of Phil’s, and his heart began to race when Dan loosely enveloped Phil’s hand in his. It was the most physical contact (excluding the strictly platonic hug and arm linking) they’d had, and it was a thrill in itself.

Nothing else happened for a while, just laid together in comfortable silence, loosely holding hands. It was then that Phil decided to take a chance, and squeezed Dan’s hand. A reassurance that it was okay, it was more than okay.

Out of his peripheral vision, Phil could see a smile form on Dan’s lips straight after he squeezed his hand, and Dan turned onto his side so he was facing Phil, and Phil did the same, though their hands never broke apart. As was – bizarrely – usual for them by that point due to how the night had panned out thus far, their faces were only centimetres apart, and they were smiling at each other. Phil was shocked Dan couldn’t hear how fast his heart was pounding.

“Listen,” Dan whispered, voice completely different to how Phil had ever heard it. “I don’t know if this would make you really uncomfortable, and for the love of all that is holy please tell me if it does”

Phil felt as if he stopped breathing, his sanity was hanging on Dan’s next words.

“… But I’d really like to kiss you”

Phil had never nodded so quickly in his life, nor had he ever been more excited. Dan smiled too upon Phil’s agreement, and slowly closed the gap between them, connecting their lips in the softest of kisses.

Then they kissed again. And again. And then again, just exploring the base of each other’s lips.

“Fuck I’ve wanted to do that for days” Dan chuckled, running a hand through his hair.

“I’ve wanted you to do that for days, too” Phil replied, pressing a gentle kiss on Dan’s lips. Just because he could, and wanted to make the most of the opportunity.

He felt warm, happy, blissfully content. All his fears and worries seemed to temporarily melt away as they kissed, and it was euphoric when their kisses deepened.

“It’s late, I should go” Phil whispered a few kisses later, and Dan retrieved his phone to look at the time, and his eyes widened slightly in surprise.

“You’re right. It is a school night after all” he shrugged.

They then got up and made their way out of the room, and Dan walked Phil to the door. His parents were already in bed, the house was otherwise silent.

“Well, goodnight, new boy” Dan smiled as Phil rolled his eyes at the nickname. “I’ll see you in the morning. But I had fun tonight” Dan blushed, and dared to peck Phil’s lips quickly. It was still so new to Phil, he didn’t know how to react.

“I had fun too, shame you’re such a sore loser though. Get better at video games before you invite me over again” Phil winked, and Dan’s blush deepened.

“Maybe you could tutor me?” Dan spoke with a flirtatious tone of voice which made Phil dither when his mind was launched into potential possibilities. “I think I can figure out a way to repay you”

Phil laughed and shook his head. “Goodnight, Dan” he bid his farewell as he walked back down the Howells’ garden path and the short journey to his own house, slipping in the living room as quietly as he could.

He didn’t sleep much that night. Thoughts of Dan played through his mind, and he was still in a state of euphoric giddiness that they’d kissed. Dan had kissed him, multiple times.

But what kept him awake most of all was the undeniable feeling of dread that he just couldn’t get rid of.

_Step three of getting over a crush: don’t fall too deep._

\--

“You look like shit” Caspar commented as he sat beside Phil in the media lesson, and Joe nodded in agreement from his other side.

Every one of his friends he had seen so far had said basically the same thing to him. And he knew that he did, he hadn’t gotten even an hour of sleep, his thoughts and his racing mind kept him tossing and turning until the sun came up and his alarm blared.

Dan was apparently skipping a couple of lessons again, as he’d told Caspar. Phil still didn’t know why he did so. Neither Joe nor Caspar ever mentioned it, so Phil thought it best not to ask.

“Dragged through a hedge backwards” Joe observed, adding onto Caspar’s previous statement.

“And then back again” Caspar added, and Phil ran a hand through his hair.

“I get it, thank you” he wasn’t snappy, just less than enthusiastic his exhausted appearance was seemingly the only topic of conversation.

When conversation turned to Joe and Caspar’s ‘conquests’ from the party the other night, Phil had rarely been more relieved. Whilst his friends joked and laughed about anything and everything, Phil kept to himself, and worked solidly throughout the lesson, only chipping in conversation when necessary as to not appear rude.

Third period Science was uneventful, Phil still kept to himself whilst Joe chatted with everyone around them (though he was still thankful Joe was in all of his classes, having someone to sit with all the time was still a huge worry off his shoulders). When breaktime came, and Phil sat down at the table in the cafeteria opposite Louise, he knew what was coming.

It was the first time she had seen him that day, and by the look on her face he knew she was thinking what Joe and Caspar had so delicately articulated already.

“You look tired” was all she decided to say, and Phil was thankful. He simply shrugged. “Did you not get much sleep?”

“Not really” Phil was deliberately close-ended in his response, and Louise got the hint, and replied with nothing more than a tight-lipped smile. She turned her attention to Caspar.

“Did Dan say when he was coming in today?” she asked, and Caspar shrugged, causing Louise to tut. Compared to her, everyone else (with the exception of Zoe) was wildly disorganised, and it evidently irritated her from time to time. Dan’s inconsistent attendance record was no help.

“Did he even say why?” Zoe asked from the other end of the table, and Caspar shrugged again.

“Can you not text him or something? I don’t want to think he’s-“

“Good morning, friends” a voice interrupted, and Dan slipped into the seat between Joe and Louise. “How are we all this fine morn?” he was particularly chirpy today, Phil noted.

And thus was his cue to leave.

With only a rushed excuse of having to leave for the bathroom, Phil picked up his backpack and scurried out of the cafeteria, heading in any direction but backwards. He had always been hopeless with navigation, and the fact he didn’t know the school like the back of his hand yet didn’t help. So he turned corner after corner, eventually settling on a step, just alone with his thoughts. The majority were telling him to go back, but the more overpowering ones praised his departure and welcomed the isolation.

Somehow he’d ended up near the block where his next lesson would be, and the route to the classroom he could vaguely remember from last time he went. When the bell rang, he walked alone, with a head full of heavy thoughts and a heart filled with heavy guilt.

“There’s no way in hell you went to the bathroom” Joe stated as he sat beside Phil in fourth period maths, whilst Phil was colouring in some of the square grids on his page, entertaining himself as everyone else arrived.

“I’m sorry,” Phil sighed, “I don’t know what came over me” even though he did. They all probably did.

“What happened, though? Did someone say something, or?”

“No, nothing like that,” Phil assured him, to Joe’s relief, “I just had a moment, that’s all”

“But you’re okay? Not upset or mad or anything?” Joe asked for confirmation, and Phil nodded.

“I’m fine, honestly, just needed a breather” he lied, but Joe seemed to believe him anyway.

“Good. Please tell Dan that at lunch then because he was driving us all mad after you left saying it was all his fault, saying that you left because of him” Joe shook his head and chuckled, but Phil dipped his head, guilt overpowering him.

Though it was true, he didn’t want it to be so obvious.

As soon as Phil entered the cafeteria behind Joe, he knew it was going to be a challenge. Dan was happily chatting with Tanya and Jim, already seated at the table, and he was wearing a shirt that Phil thought looked amazing on him. If he didn’t know any better he’d think Dan was doing it on purpose. He was smiley and clearly in a great mood, which didn’t help the churning of Phil’s stomach as he followed Joe over to the table.

When Dan shot him a dazzling smile upon his arrival, Phil’s heart sank. “Hey, new boy, I saved you a seat” Dan smiled as he patted the space beside him. To not make things any more uncomfortable for himself, Phil sat down beside Dan and tried his best to focus on anything but the boy next to him. Which was practically the definition of impossible.

Whilst Tanya and Jim continued chatting about their plans for the summer, Dan slowly rested his hand on top of Phil’s in the small gap between them, and loosely entwined their fingers. Despite the contact sending metaphorical fireworks flooding through him, Phil’s natural instinct was to quickly snatch his hand away, and he fished about in his backpack for longer than he had to in order to retrieve his packed lunch – and as an excuse not to make eye (or hand) contact with Dan.

Phil ate his lunch in silence, not once looking towards Dan as he feared what he would see. He chatted politely to Zoe, who sat directly across from him, to keep up appearances, especially after what happened at breaktime.

When the bell rang to signify the end of lunch, Phil wasted no time in packing his stuff away in record time and jumping up from the bench and walking around to Joe, and following him to their next lesson, not once daring to look back at the brunet boy, who was left in a state of hurt and confusion.

\--

The next few days Phil spent in the same way: cowering under his duvet, hiding from the world and trying to hide from his thoughts. Also avoiding the barrage of texts from his newfound friends, and even more from an evidently concerned Dan.

He had faked being ill to his parents, which was easy enough. Pretending to have caught Kaitlin’s cold from a couple of days before and a sprinkling of balled up tissues around his room, sporadic extensive yet emphatic coughing fits. Days off school were practically handed to him on a silver platter.

He didn’t expect to have visitors, that wasn’t part of his plan. When there was a gentle knock on his door on Friday afternoon, his blood ran cold. First of all, he was shocked that his parents let anyone in the house – then again, they were thrilled that Phil had made any friends at all so would probably let them throw a house party if they wanted – but secondly, he had no idea how to handle seeing Dan. He didn’t know if he _could_ handle seeing Dan. He could barely handle seeing Dan’s texts.

So, in true shy Phil Lester fashion, he retaliated. “Go away” he shouted, voice muffled from his position under the duvet.

There was a brief silence, and Phil was almost brave enough to come out from under the duvet, but there was another knock. Just as gentle.

“Go away” he called again, but this time the door opened.

“Okay no we’re not doing that whole scene again” Louise announced as she walked in, Zoe following behind her.

“What scene?” Zoe asked, placing the pile of books she was holding onto Phil’s desk.

“The whole ‘us knocking and Phil telling us to go away and the whole thing repeats a million times’ scene” Louise explained, causing Zoe to giggle.

“Joe gave me these books to give you, stuff to read for English class and some homework sheets” Zoe explained the purpose of her visit, and Phil was relieved he wouldn’t have to ask the awkward question.

“Joe didn’t want to come, I take it?” Phil asked, and Zoe shrugged.

“He said, in his own words, he didn’t want to catch whatever lurgy it is that you’ve got. He has a way with words, my brother”

“Clearly” Phil agreed jokingly, and they exchanged a small laugh.

“And I tagged along just to make sure you’re alright” Louise added, and Phil smiled at her.

But he still had an illness to pretend to have. “I’m not going to lie, I’m pretty ill” he lied, and then coughed as violently as he could.

“That’s the fakest thing I’ve ever heard in my life” Louise stated, voice monotone and serious, “And I’ve heard Autumn Davenport in the year below try to tell me her boob job is natural”

This caused Zoe to erupt into laughter, and Phil himself even cracked a smile. Which he probably shouldn’t have. But he did need to smile, it was overdue.

Louise reached forward and placed the back of her hand to Phil’s forehead, and frowned when she felt that he didn’t have a temperature at all. She then turned her attention to the pack of cold and flu tablets that were on his bedside table, untouched from when his mother brought them on the first day of his ‘illness’.

“Have you been faking this whole week?” Louise asked, almost as if she knew Phil was never good with confrontation, nor was he good with lying. For the most part.

He nodded guiltily.

“Why? Has something happened?” Zoe asked in concern as she sat on the desk chair and swivelled it to the end of the bed.

“No, nothing’s happened” Phil answered. The answer was almost automatic, he probably sounded like a pre-recorded answerphone greeting.

“I know what it is” Louise got both Phil and Zoe’s attention with that, and she stared at Phil knowingly. He tried his hardest not to squirm. “It’s Dan, isn’t it”

“What? No!” Phil attempted to defend himself, but Louise rolled her eyes.

“Oh please. You’re a dead giveaway with that blush. It’s literally like when I mention Alfie to Zoe, she does the exact same” the blonde told him, and Phil momentarily glanced over to Zoe, who shrugged.

“It is compelling, Phil” she contributed, and Phil felt his cheeks redden even more.

“Plus I saw what happened on Monday” Louise said, and Zoe immediately whipped her head to face her best friend.

“What?” she asked eagerly, and Phil felt nervous sweats coming on. This was the opposite of how he wanted to be feeling about the whole situation, getting over it was the whole point of him having time off.

“Dan tried to hold hands with Phil at lunch but Phil practically shrugged him off” Louise revealed, and Phil placed his pillow over his face. It was painstakingly obvious.

“How did I miss that? I was sat right opposite you!” Zoe exclaimed as she pulled the pillow away from him, and Phil looked down at his lap, not knowing what to say or do.

There was silence for a few moments, neither of the girls knowing what to say, and Phil didn’t want to say anything. He wanted to give into his temptations, but his own paranoia was his biggest obstacle, one he couldn’t see a way to overcome. It was only a matter of seconds before he felt tears well up in his eyes.

“Why did you do it?” Zoe asked softly a minute or so later, breaking the uneasy silence. Phil looked up to see both girls looking back at him with sympathetic expressions. He didn’t think he deserved them.

“I was scared. I’m still terrified” Phil’s voice was on the brink of breaking, and was small as can be.

He had nothing to lose anymore, if breaking down in front of Zoe and Louise resulted in him losing their friendship, it was a price he had no choice but to pay.

He began to cry, a few stray tears falling down his cheeks, and Zoe immediately dashed over to his side, wrapping an arm around his shoulders and pulling him into a tight side hug. Louise smiled sympathetically and nodded at his words.

“That’s natural, some people don’t know how to react to things like that. But Dan has always been a bold person, I’m sure if you just talk to him about it he’d be more than happy to calm stuff like that down” Louise was also speaking in a soft, gentle tone of voice, and he noted that none of them were speaking with any kind of judgment nor mockery of his state. It too was something he hadn’t experienced before. He was used to having to deal with his emotions alone, whilst everyone else watched on and laughed.

Phil shook his head, causing tears to fly from his cheeks and drop onto his duvet, dampening dark puddles into the brightly coloured fabric. The colour connotations were practically the definition of ironic.

“I don’t deserve it” he spat the words as though he was shouting at himself, telling himself the words. “I don’t deserve him” his voice cracked as thick tears began falling from his eyes, and he began crying into Zoe’s shoulder. She moved her arms so they were hugging properly, and Phil could fully cry into her as much as he wanted.

She shot a concerned look to Louise, who moved to sit on Phil’s other side. Zoe herself was glassy eyed, hurt at seeing her friend in such a state, Phil had been told by both Joe and Alfie that Zoe was incredibly empathetic. Unbelievably so, they’d argued.

“That’s not true, Phil” Louise assured him, but Phil shook his head and let out a wail, before continuing to sob heavily. He paid no attention to what his parents would probably be thinking downstairs.

“It’s really not. We’ve never seen Dan like this, not in all the time we’ve known him” Zoe added, and smiled slightly as Phil pulled away from her shoulder and wiped at his eyes roughly.

“We’ve known him for twelve years, Phil. We’ve seen him go through a couple of different relationships and not once has he been this hung up on someone” Louise told him, and the flutter in Phil’s chest that he’d be lying if he said he hadn’t missed returned, a wisp of hope coming along with it.

“Really?” he couldn’t help himself asking, knowing that it was more than a schoolgirl crush. It had to be, he knew that he wouldn’t be feeling the constant yearning he did if it was.

“If we weren’t sure he liked you before, these past few days proved it” Zoe grinned, and Phil let himself smile too.

“Oh, tell me about it,” Louise rolled her eyes playfully, “ _is Phil okay? Why isn’t he answering my texts? Is he answering your texts? Should I go and check if he’s okay? Would the teachers be pissed if I skipped again? Is he mad at me? Is it my fault he’s not here? I’m just worried we haven’t heard from him in days”_ she did her best Dan impression which caused both Phil and Zoe to roar with laughter, but Louise assured him that Dan asked those exact questions, and Zoe nodded in confirmation.

“He never came, though. Maybe he’s changed his mind” Phil dipped his head again, as Zoe tutted.

“Only because we said we were coming instead! To be honest I’m surprised he didn’t beat us to the ground as we passed his house to get to yours”

Phil smiled widely, it was hard to believe he was in hysterical tears only minutes prior.

“In fact it wouldn’t surprise me if he’s glaring over here now” Louise got over and walked over to Phil’s window, opening his blind and looking over to Dan’s window. She turned back a second later and shrugged. “Well, if his curtains were open I’m sure he would be. I’d bet he’s already sneakily looked over a few times, though”

“To make sure we’re not stealing you away” Zoe laughed, and Louise joined in. Phil did too, feeling so at ease with the two girls, more than he ever thought he would, despite them both giving him such unfaltering warm receptions from the get go.

“There’s still one thing that worries me, though” Phil felt comfortable with saying exactly what was on his mind, since they had seen him at his worst there wasn’t much chance he was going to scare them away. “I honestly don’t think I deserve him. He’s such a pretty, funny, lovable person and I’m none of those things, I’m scared he’d get bored of me” his voice had dwindled down to little more than a whisper again, the negative thoughts he’d been moulded to shelter taking over his perception.

Zoe nudged his arm. “Don’t be silly. You’re the kind of person that puts everyone at ease instantly, it’s like they’ve known you their entire life. Not to mention you’re lovely beyond words and so sweet, and, I probably shouldn’t be telling you this, but you’re everything Dan has always said he wanted in a boyfriend”

Thus cued the flutter in his chest again. It was a welcome visitor by now, Phil looked forward to it. It reminded him of how sincere his feelings for Dan were. It was a thrilling yet terrifying realisation.

“Also, though Dan may be quirky and might seem cocky sometimes, he’s not an asshole. He’d never treat you like that, and trust me when I say he wouldn’t get bored of you. He talks about you more than Tanya talks about Jim, and they’ve been happily together for nearly six years. He’s the most loyal person you could ever imagine, and he’d sing your praises all the livelong day, he’d treat you like royalty. Plus like Zoe said, you’re everything he’s always said that he wants, I think that bodes well for you” Louise pulled him in for a quick side-hug.

Phil felt an undeniable bout of confidence from the pep talks, stronger than any negativity that was currently in his thoughts. It was liberating.

“I think you need to talk to him” Zoe told him, and Louise nodded vigorously.

“I really do” Phil agreed, a smile firmly on his lips. All he could focus on was how much he missed Dan, and how badly he wanted to apologise and try his best to get things on track. He wanted to be with him, under whatever calibre the phrase was taken.

“Are you going to call him?” Zoe asked excitedly, clapping her hands together. Phil had also been told that Zoe was a hopeless romantic, so her enthusiasm wasn’t surprising. Though it was a trait that she had in common with Phil.

Phil’s gaze flicked over to the window, at the very same second he saw Dan’s curtains move, seemingly quickly closed. The smile grew on his lips as he shook his head.

“I have a more efficient method of communication” he replied, quoting a phrase Dan had used in a previous conversation regarding their window chats. Zoe and Louise exchanged a look of confusion, not understanding.

After a round of hugs (and a million and one thank you’s from Phil) the girls left, insisting that the sooner Phil spoke to Dan the better. A statement Phil thoroughly agreed with.

Immediately after they left, Phil jumped off of his bed and picked up a random notebook from his desk and tore out a blank page, and grabbed a marker from his bedside drawer. He made his handwriting as big and legible as he could, and then rested the paper against the window pane, propping it up with the pile of books that Zoe brought over.

_Cradlebloom Park, 7pm??_

\--

Phil wasn’t sure whether or not he expected Dan to turn up. He shouldn’t, really, judging by the last time they saw each other. Louise had even said it, Phil had shrugged off Dan’s attempt at hand-holding, when it was really all Phil wanted. His fear was just overpowering and controlling how he acted.

Cradlebloom Park was only a five minute walk from their houses, so Phil was confident in navigating his way there, he passed it on his route to school every morning anyway. He felt as if he was slowly but surely getting to grips with the neighbourhood, unsurprisingly as he had migrated from the city.

He was sat on the hill, looking out at the view of nearby houses and nature. It was picturesque compared to what he was used to, a view he’d never want to trade away. The sun hadn’t fully set, and was casting a milky glow over the evening sky, whipped clouds hiding the promise of nightfall.

His phone buzzed to remind him that only five minutes were to go until 7pm, and he decided to wait until quarter past for Dan, then give up and go home if he still didn’t arrive.

He at least wanted to get his and Dan’s friendship back on track, if nothing else. Their final a-level exams were mere months away and they were all being hounded about university and apprenticeships, their futures and the end of sixth form were creeping up on them. Despite being neighbours, Phil wanted to stay in contact with Dan, further contact than friendly waves when they see each other in the street, he wanted to keep up their deep conversations and video game nights (that he could only hope would be more frequent). In an ideal world, they could start something more. If Phil hadn’t already wrecked the opportunity.

Opting for an oversized hoodie was a choice Phil was extremely thankful for, as a vicious chill danced through the trees above him and the grass around him, the whole park reacting to mother nature’s call. Phil had always had the tendency to see things in a more poetic, symbolic sense, and sometimes tuned out of reality to overthink the simplistic beauty of the most minuscule things, creating delicate similes and reams of poetic conceit, that never make it to paper.

He was deep in his own thoughts contemplating the comparison of grass to an emerald, completely oblivious when the boy of his hormonal desires sat beside him. Phil was only snapped out of his own head when Dan held out a beverage in front of his face, Phil quickly recognising the bright packaging as Shakeaway. He graciously took it from Dan and twirled the cup around in his hands, not knowing how to start conversation now that Dan had decided to hear him out.

“Sorry I’m late,” Dan broke the silence. “But I figured you’d need some sweetness after you’ve been ill and bedbound most of the week”

Phil felt a pang of guilt.

“Thank you,” he was surprised Dan had even come to meet him, never mind bring him a milkshake. “What’s in it?” he asked, referring to the milkshake. He decided to ask to progress the conversation rather then look on the side of the cup.

“Oreo and Daim bar. I know it’s your favourite” Dan answered, and Phil heard himself gasp. It was definitely on the dramatic side, but he couldn’t help it. Nor could he help his next question.

“H-How did you know that?” though he knew the answer full well. He was just shocked.

“You told me” Dan shrugged, as if the answer was obvious.

Phil was sure that Dan wasn’t real. He _couldn’t_ be. Nobody had ever paid Phil any attention for longer than three seconds before, and Dan had remarkably remembered something Phil mentioned in casual passing the week before, Caspar had asked everyone what their favourite Shakeaway order when everyone stayed over at Zoe and Joe’s house the night of the party, whilst everyone was trying to sleep. Dan had remembered something during a conversation where everyone involved was under the influence of alcohol, a conversation that everyone besides Dan and Phil probably forgot the morning after. Dan’s attention to detail was astounding. But, Phil was observant too, and his recent hobby of studying Dan whenever he could paid off.

“So you’ve got your favourite of butterscotch with white maltesers, I take it?” he smiled when Dan shot him a wide-eyed gaze, surprise panned across his expression.

“Y-Yeah…” he stuttered, “How did you know that?” he seemed genuinely confused, so maybe he didn’t remember the conversation all too well. Which raised the question of how did Dan remember Phil’s answer, but apparently nothing else?

Phil’s hopeless romantic tendencies produced multiple possibilities, all of which made his heart race just to think about.

“I have my ways” Phil answered smugly, and Dan broke out into a smile. Phil had missed Dan’s smile, he found it beautiful. But there was little about Dan that he didn’t find breathtakingly beautiful.

“So are you feeling any better?”

“Much. But let’s talk about you” Phil tried desperately to change the subject. “How’s sixth form been without me?”

“Hell” Dan answered simply, stretching out his legs. “I’ve been beating myself up over what happened on Monday all week”

Phil gulped. “You really shouldn’t have worried. It’s all on me”

Dan shook his head. “No, it’s my fault. I shouldn’t push you to do anything, you probably don’t even want to remember what happened that night at my house” he sounded sincerely apologetic, and his voice was smaller than Phil remembered.

“It’s not as if I think about it all the time or anything” Phil said truthfully as he nudged Dan’s arm, sending the other boy’s milkshake tilting to the side, dangerously close to spilling.

But Dan didn’t seem to care about his drink as he turned his head to face Phil fully, shock evident on his features. Phil noticed the dark circles under Dan’s eyes that weren’t there before.

“You do?” he asked, a flicker of eagerness in his eyes. Phil bit his lip and nodded, looking to the ground. The fear was already growing inside of him, a part of him was telling him to run.

But a bigger part of him was mesmerised by Dan, the way the evening light bounced from his eyes, and highlighted the curves of his smile, the depth of his dimples. The way the wind slowly broke through his hair and blew a loose few strands astray, Phil wanted to touch them. He wanted everything Dan was.

“So you’re not mad?” Dan asked, looking out at the view in front of them.

“Quite the opposite. I’ve-I’ve missed you” Phil spoke against the niggling thoughts in the back of his mind.

“And my kisses?” Dan sounded hopeful, and Phil couldn’t help but smile.

“Considering they’re a part of you, yes”

“Want to make up for lost time?”

And Phil really did. It was only a peck, sweet and gentle, but it was what he’d been missing. His stomach was fluttering with nerves.

He noticed Dan began to shiver after a particularly chilly gust of wind hit them, the dog walkers and joggers even picked up their paces to get home quicker because of it. Without even a second thought, he shrugged off his hoodie and threw it into Dan’s lap. Why Dan had decided only a t-shirt was suitable enough attire Phil didn’t know.

“Are you sure?” Dan asked, picking the hoodie up. Phil could see Dan had goosebumps on his arms from being so cold. He smiled and nodded, and Dan handed Phil his milkshake to hold for the time being and pulled the hoodie over his head in one swift motion. Phil couldn’t deny that Dan looked even more attractive when he was wearing his hoodie. It was an intentional romantic gesture, by every stretch of the imagination.

It was only a few seconds later that Dan placed his milkshake on the ground and rested his head on Phil’s lap with the insistence of ‘sharing body warmth’, looking up at him and smiling. Not that Phil minded in the slightest.

“I’m still really sorry about how I reacted on Monday” Phil apologised, and Dan rolled his eyes.

“Will you stop that? It was my fault. I shouldn’t assume you want to be affectionate in public” Dan paused to reach over for his milkshake and take a sip. “Nor should I assume I have the right to try to be”

It made Phil yearn, because he _did._ He wanted them to be affectionate both in public and in private, with no care for anyone else’s opinions. He just didn’t know how to say it.

“But anyway” Dan took another sip as he changed topic, “I have a question”

“Go ahead”

“What’s the romantic cliché you want to happen to you most?” Dan asked curiously, smiling as his question launched Phil deep into thought.

He wanted every romantic cliché under the sun, in an ideal world, but he’d read enough romance novels and seen enough romantic movies to know there was one thing in particular he always envied whenever it happened to a fictional character.

“Promise not to laugh?” Phil bit his lip and Dan simply nodded.

“I’ve always wanted to be kissed in the rain”

“I always thought that it was kind of weird, you’d get ill if you ever did that, surely? Has anyone actually ever done that in real life?”

“Way to shit on my romantic dream, Dan.”

“I’m just saying,” Dan held up his hands, which were balled up in the sleeves of Phil’s hoodie, “Someone has to be realistic to keep you grounded, mister head in the clouds hopeless romantic”

“Why’d you ask if you were only going to make fun of me for my answer?” Phil asked with a pout, which caused Dan to giggle. It was an adorable sound, in Phil’s opinion.

“I just like getting to know you” Dan shrugged. Phil then dared to lean down and kiss him, softly yet with more emotion than the last, leaving them both smiling when they parted.

“You’re really pretty” Dan commented a minute or so later, the time inbetween filled with idle chat and the sipping of milkshakes.

“You’re delusional” Phil looked down at him, and Dan pressed his lips together and shook his head.

“Just honest. I think you’re beautiful” he reeled off the compliment as if it was the most casual admittance, but Phil felt as if his stomach was doing somersaults. Beautiful was one of the biggest compliments, one he never thought he would receive. Especially not from a genuinely beautiful person such as Dan, who exuded beauty both inside and out. He felt his breath catch in his throat as he racked his brain for an adequate response.

“Beautiful is quite a step up from pretty” he stated, and Dan smiled.

“I know, but I thought I might as well tell you. I want you to know how amazing I think you are.”

The compliments kept coming, and Phil kept swooning. Falling quicker and harder.

“I know I’ve said it a million times before but I feel like we were meant to meet. I don’t believe in all that shit but I don’t know how else to explain it, it honestly feels like I’ve known you for my whole life.”

“I know I’ve said it a million times before too, but I think the same. It’s weird, nobody’s ever shown any genuine interest in me for the past eighteen years, and I’ve always been too shy to try and initiate conversation to get it. But it’s always been so easy with you” they shared a smile. But it was true, they both felt as if they knew each other wholeheartedly.

“I’ve never felt like this before” Dan’s voice was lower, a change in tone from his last utterance. They maintained eye contact, and Phil felt himself gulp as Dan spoke again. “About anyone…”

It was almost instinct that they were kissing again, slow and gentle, though longer than the ones they shared previously. Dan didn’t need to say anything more. Phil didn’t think he’d be able to handle it, his heart already felt as if it was pounding out of his chest like in a cartoon, and if it was true that one’s pupils dilate when around someone they ‘like’, he’d be beyond fucked.

It only felt like a second, but when they reluctantly broke apart the sky was significantly darker, and the park was otherwise vacant. Overcast clouds hung over them, and Dan grinned up at Phil.

“Looks like you might get your romantic cliché wish” he stated, supressing a laugh as a raindrop landed straight on the top of Phil’s head, and dribbled down his fringe. Phil only chuckled as they both stood up and began walking in the direction of the exit, embarking on their journey home.

They appeared to be caught in the middle of a torrential downpour (because what was more defining of Phil’s luck?), as they were already drenched by the time they reached the exit. They took shelter under a canopy of trees, laughing hysterically at the state of each other.

“The universe is sobbing because we’re so cringeworthy” Phil joked breathlessly, and Dan laughed.

“First of all, it’s because we’re too cute. Secondly, prepare for a thunderstorm” he didn’t leave a second for Phil to wonder what he could possibly mean, as Dan grabbed his hand and ran back out onto the field.

Rain was already dripping from them both as more fell. “What the hell are you doing? You’re insane!” Phil shouted to be heard over the rainfall, but he still couldn’t hold back his laughter. It was a thrill, he had never been daring before, not even to be voluntarily caught in a downpour.

“Crossing something off your bucket list!” Dan shouted back before wrapping his arms around Phil’s neck and pulling him close, and initiating the longest, most passionate kiss they’d ever had. By far the most enjoyable one, too. Phil had no idea what he was doing, though, he had never been kissed like that. He tried his best to mirror Dan, but it seemed as if in a matter of seconds he almost melted into it, and it just came natural. Years of pent up anxiety over kissing were clearly pointless.

“I thought you said kissing in the rain was a weird dream” Phil grinned when they broke apart for breath, foreheads resting against each other.

“If it’s special and means that much to you, then it means a lot to me, and I’m more than willing to give it a go” Dan shrugged, answer as casual as the earlier ‘beautiful’ comment.

Phil reconnected their lips, and they couldn’t get enough of each other. They pulled each other as close as they could as the kiss grew more intense, it was euphoric. It was one of the biggest disappointments of Phil’s life when they were so rudely interrupted by the rain turning harsher, pounding down on them with the utmost violence, causing them both to jump apart in a startled state.

“We should really go. You’re only in a shirt, you’ll catch pneumonia if we stay much longer in this rain” Dan was insistent in his tone, and Phil pretended to be stern.

“I wouldn’t be at such a high risk of it if only someone had come prepared” it took all he had to not smile. He wouldn’t trade the sight of Dan in his hoodie for the world.

“But I bought you a milkshake instead, surely that counts for something?” Dan pouted, coaxing Phil out of his prank and into the laughter he’d been holding back. Dan rolled his eyes when he realised Phil was joking. He was about to retaliate, but was interrupted again by the rumble of thunder, cutting their conversation short. They settled for another quick kiss instead.

It was then that they ran home, hand-in-hand, giddy and drunk on each other’s lips.

\-----

Getting out of his drenched clothes was a blessing. As soon as Phil got home, he shouted a quick greeting to his parents and ran up to his room, immediately switching his now skin-tight shirt and jeans for a thick jumper and jogging bottoms, shaking from his chills only occasionally.

His phone buzzed on his bed, illuminating to reveal a message from Dan.

_Open your blinds, loser_

And so he did, and sure enough Dan was leaning on his windowsill, smiling and waving.

They opened their windows slightly (as to try and let as little rain in as possible) and Dan tried to speak, but his words were drowned out by the downpour.

“Call me!” Phil shouted after Dan tried to speak a couple more times, and it hurt his throat a little because he was shouting so loudly. Phil was barely used to speaking for longer than half an hour at a time, never mind having hour long conversations, a makeout session in the rain and being caught breathless by a freak storm. It was all taking its toll.

Dan evidently understood, as a second later Phil’s phone illuminated again, Dan’s goofy display picture panning across the screen.

There was a fond smile on Phil’s face as he swiped answer.

“I was _saying”_ Dan said in place of a greeting, “I’m sad you didn’t read my text, say, a minute earlier”

It took Phil a couple of moments to click onto what Dan was implying.

“You mean so you could watch me getting changed?” he asked, feeling colour rush to his cheeks.

“Guilty as charged” Dan sounded as casual as ever, though Phil could envision him smirking. “You’re cute when you blush” he added, and Phil pouted.

“There’s no way in hell you could know that, the rain’s too heavy for you to see through” Phil stated logically.

“But I know you, and I know you blush whenever someone pays you a compliment. I know that whenever I flirt with you, your blush doesn’t die down for hours and you get all flustered, it’s adorable”

Well _that_ was new.

“F-flirting?” Phil heard himself stutter and kicked himself, it was obvious they’d been flirting for days now. It was still just new, unfamiliar territory. Especially to address it.

“And for some reason you never choose to believe it” Dan sighed, and Phil felt a pang of guilt. But he couldn’t help how he reacted.

There was silence between them for a decent amount of time, and Phil took to watching droplets of rain trickle down his window pane, observing how they seamlessly interwove with each other, like crystallized icicles across a glassy shard. The thunder in the distance prompted the break of the silence, in causing Dan to gasp.

“Are you okay?” Phil asked, noticing that Dan’s figure across the alleyway was more rigid than it was before.

“Yeah, I’m f-“

A flash of lightning interrupted him, followed by another, louder, rumble of thunder.

Dan whimpered.

“You’re scared of thunderstorms” realisation dawned on Phil, and Dan sighed again.

“I’m not scared of them, I just-“

Another rumble of thunder, another lightning strike, another whimper.

“Do you want me to come over?” Phil remembered Dan mentioning he was home alone for the weekend.

“You don’t have to do that” Dan replied, taking a sharp intake of breath to avoid whimpering at the next thunder rumble.

“I’ll be there in two minutes” Phil insisted before ending the call and immediately throwing his school backpack on his bed and emptying out the contents, and stuffed his pyjamas and other nighttime essentials into it.

It was so impulsive for him, to even assume Dan wanted him to sleep over instead of just staying for an hour or two, but Phil knew that Dan would do the same for him in a heartbeat.

Thankfully, with it being a Saturday night, Phil’s parents had no problem with him sleeping over at Dan’s house, they were still both elated that Phil had made friends so quickly. Phil deliberately left out the part about kissing his closest friend multiple times. They didn’t have to know everything.

He was damp when he arrived at the house next door, the journey of only ten seconds no match for the heavy thunderstorm.

Dan ushered him inside and swiftly closed the door behind them, then immediately pulled Phil in for a hug, squeezing him tightly.

“I’m sorry I’m such a wimp” his voice was small and vulnerable, and his grip on Phil only tightened when the next wave of thunder rolled in.

“Don’t be stupid, it’s the least I could do” Phil assured him, hugging him again before following Dan into the living room, where the only light source was an array of candles on the coffee table.

“I don’t want to take any chances with the electricity” Dan explained before he sat on the sofa, evidently on edge.

“That’s fine” Phil smiled, and sat beside Dan.

The other boy was shaking, clearly more frightened than he wanted to let on, and Phil bit his lip as he contemplated his options. He opted for the most daring, and wrapped an arm around Dan’s shoulders, pulling him close. He inwardly sighed in relief, the whole thing could have gone awfully. But Dan was more than willing, and rested his head on Phil’s chest, and wrapped an arm around his torso.

“Of all things, why am I scared of fucking thunderstorms, they’re a beautiful act of nature” Dan mumbled into Phil’s shirt, trying to make light of the situation.

“Aren’t you scared of the dark too?” Phil blurted out without thinking, a second later praying that he hadn’t embarrassed Dan.

“And I thought at one point that you didn’t listen to me” Dan chuckled, lifting his free hand to blindly ruffle Phil’s hair – after various failed attempts at finding it. “But yes, hence the candles”

“I don’t really know how I can comfort you but, um, I’m glad you let me in” Phil was flustered, tripping over his words as to not ruin the moment. Whenever they were in such close proximity, his vocabulary left for a short-term holiday.

Dan hugged him tighter and nuzzled his head further into Phil’s chest. “Just distract me, tell me about you. About that beautiful, fascinating mind of yours”

Despite his cheeks feeling like they were on fire (it was such a frequency now that he hung out with Dan a lot, he’d learned to live with it) Phil did, he spilled everything that was on his mind. Relayed every useless animal fact he knew, pointless movie and tv show trivia, discussed plotlines from books.

When he glanced at his watch, he saw that he’d been spouting random thoughts for the best part of a half hour.

At some point, without Phil noticing, Dan had repositioned himself. He was now laying on Phil’s lap, smiling up at him, playing with Phil’s fingers absentmindedly as he watched him speak.

“Thank you” Dan spoke after Phil’s final animal fact, and Phil was about to question the context of his gratitude when he tuned into the noise around them, and the fact there was none. The storm had subsided.

“I can’t believe you let me speak for all that time about absolutely nothing, how did you manage to sit through all of that” Phil laughed, and Dan shrugged.

“I’d sit and listen to anything you had to say” Dan said, and Phil’s breath hitched in his throat. He was unable to reply, but Dan didn’t seem to notice.

He stood up from his position on Phil’s lap and rested against the mantelpiece, face illuminated in the candlelight. Phil thought it was poetic imagery gold.

“So I suppose you’ll be leaving me now” Dan pouted, and Phil quickly flicked his gaze over to the front door, where his backpack was lazily slumped against the wall beside it.

“Well actually, I, um-“

“Are you _serious?_ ” Dan’s voice momentarily bumped up in pitch, and he ran over to jump onto the sofa beside Phil. It was hard to believe he was a terrified shaking mess less than an hour ago. “You’re sleeping over?”

Dan looked at Phil almost willingly, and as soon as Phil nodded Dan cupped his face and kissed him softly and slowly with no hesitation, pulling away with a wide grin on his face.

“Look at Phil Lester, taking a risk” Dan teased, and naturally Phil blushed.

“I can easily just go home” he retorted, and Dan shook his head rapidly.

“Nope, not a chance in hell now, buddy” he was still smiling widely, and then stood up from the sofa and held out his hand.

Phil took it, and after quickly blowing out every candle with a single breath, Dan started running towards the stairs, leaving Phil barely enough time to grab his backpack on the way past. Adrenaline was pumping through his veins, and he had rarely felt more alive. That alone spoke volumes.

From the movies and tv shows Phil had seen in the past, characters adopting Dan’s prior behaviour would throw their houseguest onto the bed and initiate the night of passion (in lieu of Phil not being able to find a better term of phrase, his mind was filled with thoughts of Dan and Dan alone), but not Dan.

Dan pushed Phil onto the bed and then threw a controller on top of his stomach.

“Rematch, right now. We literally have all night so we’re not in a rush” he sounded determined, and Phil had to bite his lip to suppress his laughter.

Though it wasn’t quite the passionate, steamy night on the sheets Phil would assume happened when two people had the undeniable tension that he and Dan had, Phil wasn’t entirely sure which he would have preferred.

Even though he _did_ have to find some way to shut Dan up when he continuously accused Phil of cheating again when Phil annihilated him at pretty much every game, the makeout sessions were well worth the wait. Phil wasn’t sure if it quite beat their kiss in the rain (then again, could anything ever compare to them kissing in the rain?) but it was memorable. Dan’s lips still faintly tasted of the milkshake from all those hours ago, and Phil revelled in the faintly sweet aftertaste.

Dan admitted defeat at five a.m., and remained sitting with a pout on his lips, even when Phil returned from getting changed into his pyjamas. Though Dan’s façade did falter slightly when he took in Phil’s night attire.

“Is there literally any item of clothing you don’t look breathtaking in?” he asked.

Phil rolled his eyes. “I’m in pyjama bottoms and an oversized shirt, Dan. I’m hardly catwalk ready”

“I know, and that’s why it’s not fair. You can rock anything” he tutted dramatically, and Phil threw a pillow at him. Though he did smile when he recalled a very similar thought he had about Dan back at the party, when they were discussing the idea of Dan in a dress.

“So what am I doing, am I sleeping on the sofa or?” Phil asked, placing his toothbrush back inside his backpack.

Dan remained silent, and when Phil made eye contact, Dan was already looking at him, an eyebrow raised.

“Do you _want_ to sleep on the sofa?” Dan asked in rebuttal, tilting his head to the side.

“I mean it’s your room so yeah I’ll go…” Phil trailed off, but Dan simply rolled his eyes at Phil’s inability to take a hint, and crawled under the duvet, pulling it up to his chin and looking over at the other boy.

“The choice is yours, Lester” Dan shrugged.

Phil didn’t need to think twice. If he’d have told his past self, even his past self up to a month earlier, that he’d be sharing a bed with arguably the most beautiful boy in existence, would have kissed the same boy multiple times and sub-consciously flirted with him all the time, he’d have laughed in his own face. It was surreal. He would have also cried, more than likely.

But the smile that Dan gave to welcome him was enough to make him feel like he was melting, and the sweet kiss was an added bonus.

Thankfully the bed was big enough to accommodate the two of them sleeping side by side. Though they had laid together on it before, Phil thought that it might be a problem if they were ever to try and sleep in it together. He often overthought the little irrelevant things.

“Dan Howell, sleeping in the same bed as the new kid, how scandalous” Phil teased, prompting Dan to look at him quizzically.

“That’s hardly a scandal. If anything, everyone will just be jealous I got here first” Dan grinned, and Phil shook his head.

“I highly doubt that,” Phil replied, “Nobody at school apart from you and your friends knows my name”

“Of course they know your name” Dan insisted, “But do they know your sixth least favourite pizza topping, or your seventeenth favourite song of all time?” he asked, wiggling his eyebrow, causing Phil to laugh.

That was the boundaries their conversations reached a few days prior, it was so strange that they still weren’t even remotely bored of each other, they knew the ins and outs of each other’s personalities, more so than anyone else had ever tried (not that Dan had much competition with Phil, as Phil had told him various times).

As they laid in the early morning sunrise, faces mere centimetres apart, Phil watched Dan. He took in all the curves and edges of his face, and admired the smooth skin. He brushed a few loose strands of Dan’s fringe out of his eyes so Phil could see them better, and Dan smiled at the contact. The other boy’s eyes were closed, but Phil was in awe of him anyway, he would never tire of staring at him.

“I’m really glad you’re here” Dan whispered, tiredness clutching at his voice.

Phil leaned forward to press a butterfly kiss to Dan’s forehead. “I’m glad too”

“We need to do it more often, I could get used to sleeping next to you” Dan’s voice was getting deeper as sleep was catching up with him, his sentence was broken up by a yawn.

“I’ve never had anyone speak about or look at me like this, or say the things you do” he was speaking nothing but the truth.

“Then you’d best get used to it”

Phil’s heart began to race at Dan’s words, and it only quickened in pace when Dan’s hand found Phil’s under the duvet, and loosely intertwined their fingers.

Phil continued to watch Dan as he fell to sleep, and brushed more hair out of Dan’s eyes when it obstructed his view, as the brunet’s breathing became heavier, laced with sleep. Phil let his fingers rest on Dan’s cheek for a second, and he smiled fondly, feeling a warm feeling in his chest.

He pressed another butterfly kiss to the top of Dan’s head before properly snuggling down into the duvet himself, and willing himself to go to sleep.

More so, willing for the inevitable feeling of dread to leave him be, the feeling of fear to stop coursing through his veins like a secondary bloodstream.

\--

They did sleepovers more often. Every Saturday. Both boys looked forward to every sleepover, and both sets of parents were elated at the close friendship they had formed. Neither boy mentioned to his parents that they never used the air bed that was taken to every sleepover, swapped between the houses.

At school, they remained as they were. Dan never tried holding hands or anything again, he saved his affection for their alone time, which never went beyond lengthy makeouts, something they were both more than satisfied with.

Louise and Zoe had questioned Phil what happened with Dan on the Saturday after they went to visit, if anything had started or been initiated. Phil remained vague and generally tight-lipped, as did Dan, causing both girls to speculate in silence. They were respectful of whatever it was that Dan and Phil had, which Phil (and he presumed Dan too) was thankful for.

“So guess who snagged us all an invite to Bethany’s party” Caspar asked rhetorically as he placed his tray on the cafeteria table Wednesday afternoon.

Louise raised an eyebrow, and Caspar glared at her pleadingly. She sighed in defeat and placed her cutlery on her plate.

“Whoever could that be?” she asked sarcastically, and Caspar grinned.

“That would be me, actually” Joe interrupted, slipping into the seat beside his sister and stealing Caspar’s spotlight.

Louise burst into laughter, and Caspar scowled at his best friend.

“I was there too! She invited us both at the same time!” the blond protested.

“Again, wrong. I believe her exact words were ‘hey Joe, you and your friends should come to my party on Saturday’, you were included in the friends bracket and nothing more” Joe corrected.

Caspar flipped him off and Phil felt his body stiffen. As much as he’d like to spend more time with his friends, he’d like alone time with Dan more. But Phil didn’t have the heart to lie or make up an excuse, and willed Dan to finish getting his food quicker so he could come and save the day, as he had always been so good at doing.

He arrived at the table a few minutes later, sitting across from Phil and shooting him a quick smile before catching up on the conversation.

“I managed to get us all invited to Bethany’s party this Saturday” Joe told Dan chirpily, and Caspar mumbled something under his breath that nobody could decipher.

Phil kept his gaze on Dan as he waited realisation to sink in, and he could pinpoint the exact millisecond that it did, as Dan had the exact same reaction.

But Dan had much better reflexes and reactions than Phil.

“No can do, amigos. I’ve got to go to a study group, flunking every mock test apparently isn’t pleasing to my parents” Dan shrugged, and most members of the group nodded in understanding, but Louise eyed him suspiciously.

“But you’re passing history with flying colours so far, you told me last week” she recalled, and Phil was amazed at how calm and collected Dan stayed under the pressure of being caught out on his lie.

“Borderline. Some days are better than others” he replied, and Louise nodded, but pursed her lips together. Phil wasn’t sure if Dan had gotten away with it or not. “Not like Casanova over here, too busy getting laid to study the hard facts” Dan nodded to Joe, who flipped him off.

“Too busy getting girls to study _my_ hard fact, thank you very much” he quipped, and Dan pretended to gag, prompting the whole group to share a laugh.

Miraculously, Dan had managed to effectively shift the topic of conversation away from him, and onto Joe. Dan was a conversational wizard with effortless charisma, it was yet another thing that Phil admired (and envied) about him.

Phil wanted to launch into conversation with Dan, it was only natural, but he just knew that Louise and Zoe would be watching him like a hawk, searching for any indication that Phil had acted on his crush. He wasn’t ready to deliver it on a silver platter.

Right on cue, Dan swooped in. Phil’s phone vibrated in his pocket.

_Say you have a family thing, I promise they won’t question you about it_

It seemed as if nobody had seen Dan texting, everyone was still deep in conversation with each other. But Phil still couldn’t risk anything, so he waited.

“So that’s four of us definitely going… Phil?” Caspar asked a while later, taking a tally of the party’s attendees. He felt Dan gently kick his leg to prompt him to speak, and Phil gulped. He hated lying, always had done. But it was for a very good cause, was the counter-balance he used in the debate in his mind.

“Turns out I’m not able to go” Phil replied, and Louise placed her phone down on the table, completely stopping what she was doing.

“Oh _really?”_ she subtly darted her gaze between both Dan and Phil, “How interesting” she wasn’t at all accusatory or menacing in her tone, she sounded mildly amused. A hint of a smile tugged at the corners of her baby pink glossed lips.

“Family stuff” he added, and Louise’s amused expression dropped.

“Oh, I’m sorry” she apologised, and Phil smiled at her. Though he felt guilt rising in him.

“So... that’s a no?” Caspar asked for clarification, and Phil bit his lip.

“Sorry” was all he offered in response, and Caspar ruffled Phil’s hair and told him to stop being stupid, there was nothing to apologise for.

_Nicely done, Philly. We have all of Saturday to ourselves now :)_

The very prospect made Phil’s head spin. Even though they had hung out (and kissed) countless times by now, Dan still managed to have the same effect on Phil.

He had a gut feeling the Saturday ahead would be eventful.

\--

They partook in their infamous window chats for the majority of Saturday morning.

“It’s a shame you missed me getting changed” Phil tried flirting at around midday, and Dan exhaled dramatically.

“You’re telling me” he pouted.

“I can’t believe you made me use the family excuse” Phil tutted, and Dan narrowed his eyes.

“As if you’d want to miss out on this quality bonding time” he gestured between the two of them.

“Ah yes, the quality bonding time with only a death drop of an alley between us” Phil raised an eyebrow, and Dan rolled his eyes.

“Nobody’s stopping you from coming over, it’s you that initiated this old-school window chat” Dan shrugged, and Phil smirked.

“At least this way I don’t have to have your greasy hair against my neck” he joked, and Dan placed a hand to his chest, feigning offence.

“How bloody dare you,” he gasped, “no way you’re getting your hoodie back now” he grabbed Phil’s hoodie from underneath the windowsill and clutched it to his chest before slipping it over his clothes. Phil’s stomach did a flip, Dan wearing his clothes would never not be a thrill.

“I can live with that” Phil shrugged, “It looks a million times cuter on you anyway”

Phil’s smile only grew when Dan blushed, the colour staining his cheeks clearly visible even from the short distance away. It was always reassuring to know that Phil’s words could have the same effect on Dan as Dan’s did on him. Reassuring yet terrifying. Intensely.

“Half an hour” Dan stated, and Phil nodded. Though not before a final jab.

“Provided you wash your hair in that time, you’ve got yourself a deal”

Dan crossed his arms over his chest.

“I washed it last night, you absolute nob jockey”

“And now you’re stealing Joe’s catchphrases, cute” Phil leaned forward, resting his head on his hands, an amused smile on his lips.

Dan’s blush only intensified, and he rubbed his hands over his face in a sad attempt to quell it. Phil noted how adorable it was that his hoodie was longer than Dan’s arms, and was able to form ‘sweater paws’, as he’d coined it.

“Half an hour, prepare to be virtually annihilated” Dan tried to sound intimidating, but in a hoodie that was at least six times too big for him (as it was for Phil), failed miserably.

“I’m living for the day, my friend” Phil replied casually.

Dan rolled his eyes and flipped him off playfully before closing his curtains and effectively ended the day’s window chat.

\--

He was only semi-annihilated. They were both terribly sore losers, and when the competition ended with the points tied, they settled on a winner via a lengthy session of rock paper scissors. Phil was triumphant.

“How the fuck do I lose every single time” Dan groaned, flopping backwards onto his bed, dropping his controller onto the floor.

“I tell you every single time, I’m just better than you, you make me look even better” Phil held his hands up, and Dan threw a pillow at him, hitting him in the chest.

Dan’s parents were out of town again, so Phil didn’t feel bad at all about squealing out in pain (all for dramatic effect, of course, memory foam pillows don’t hurt) and dropping to the floor, clutching his chest.

Immediately, Dan ran over in a panicked state, asking if he was okay and apologising profusely. When Phil couldn’t keep it up any longer and began rolling about on the floor in fits of uncontrollable laughter, Dan shook his head and grabbed a nearby water bottle from his bedside table and tipped it over Phil.

“Petty revenge yet quick reflexes” Dan defended, pushing Phil one last time before returning to his previous position on the bed, watching on with an amused expression as Phil wrung out his fringe and shook water droplets from his shirt.

“You’re hardly majestic like the guys and girls in the shampoo and shower gel adverts” Dan commented.

“In my defence, their friends don’t pour water over them for no reason.”

“No reason? You made me think I’d seriously hurt you!” Dan exclaimed, and Phil burst into laughter again.

“Yeah, classic.”

Dan flipped him off.

\--

That night is when the conversation took a turn.

They were laying in the bed, faces millimetres apart and knees touching. They were playing a game of question and answer, even though they were sure they knew everything there was to know about the other. Dan had used up all of his questions (they set a limit of thirty) and Phil was on his last.

“Why do you skip so many lessons?” he asked, and Dan smiled.

“I don’t skip ‘so many lessons’” he used air quotes to mock Phil, “At least not any more. I just skip once in a blue moon now”

“Louise told me you used to skip a lot last year” Phil continued, and Dan darted his gaze down, suddenly breaking their eye contact.

“Yeah” he replied, voice small, “I did.”

“Y-you don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to, I’m sorry” Phil found Dan’s hand under the duvet and squeezed it softly. A momentary small smile broke out on Dan’s lips.

“It’s fine, it’s nothing major” Dan swallowed thickly, and Phil remained silent. Nothing seemed appropriate to say.

“I was in a rough place for a couple of months. I began skipping classes to avoid talking about it, I just sat in the maths courtyard alone, and scrounged anything I could get off of anyone. Sometimes cigarettes, sometimes alcohol, never anything more though. I always felt like I needed to be in control of at least one thing, you know?” he chuckled slightly. “I’d been completely screwed over by an ex at the time, too, which was salt in the wound. I felt like the world was laughing at me, my parents were arguing more and more, the same ex was badgering me every night. I was sure it was something I’d never be able to get over, I had never really experienced love or infatuation before, and at the time, what I had with him was what I foolishly mistook it for. But I didn’t know any better, so to have it ripped away and to see his face, he was smiling so much when I caught him, almost mocking me… I felt it was the only way to cope”

“Did you ever tell the others about all this?” Phil asked quietly, and Dan chuckled again.

“And have them cart me off to the counsellor? No thanks” he scoffed. “I always just told them it was family stuff. I don’t lie when I tell you it works like a charm every time, they only gave me concerned looks then left me be. They probably wanted rid of me, deep down, I was pushing them all away. Any time they spoke his name I just felt overwhelmingly angry, and took it out on them. But they never let it show. As long as I didn’t skip more than three lessons a week it was fine.”

“You didn’t have to tell me that” Phil couldn’t think of what else to say, and Dan smiled slightly.

“Wanted to. It’s all peachy keen now, the ex has fucked off somewhere I don’t care about and my parents are more in love than ever so that’s all good, and besides, now I have a reason to want to be at school every day” he spoke the words so effortlessly, so fluidly, so genuinely.

Phil tried with all his might to eradicate the thought of _run_ from the very back of his mind.

“Can I ask a question?” Dan’s voice was nothing more than a whisper.

Phil’s blood ran cold, and he felt a chill down his spine. The fear was rising.

“I think you just did” he attempted to mask it with humour, but Dan didn’t respond in the way Phil thought, didn’t quip back with a sarcastic remark, didn’t roll his eyes, didn’t laugh emphatically.

He instead pressed his lips together for a second or two, then continued anyway.

“Why do I feel like you never open up to me?” he asked, and Phil felt exposed. Exposed to his very core, vulnerable beyond belief. In that moment, it felt as if all of their past conversations had been phatic, felt as if they didn’t know each other at all.

It was something Phil had tried to repress for years, something that had plagued him.

He didn’t try to hide behind weak comedy or try to pass it off as nothing. He trusted Dan, as scary as it was for him to accept the fact, and Dan trusted him. He knew deep down there was nothing to be afraid of, he was with Dan of all people, but the paranoia and the fear never stopped growing.

“I don’t deserve you” he spoke truthfully, and he could already feel his eyes getting glassy. He was going to cry any second.

“Why do you say that, though? I don’t deserve _you_ ” Dan insisted, and Phil shook his head. Dan began tracing patterns on the back of his hand under the duvet.

“I don’t deserve any of this” Phil stated, and Dan shook his head.

“You deserve everything” he argued.

“You can have anyone you want, you shouldn’t have to settle for me” Phil spoke around the lump in his throat.

It all felt too much, he felt himself begin to shake, beads of nervous perspiration forming on his forehead. A silent wail escaped his lips, and he set to get out of the bed before he embarrassed himself further, but Dan took an iron-tight grip on his hand.

“Phil, please” he sounded desperate. And painfully sincere. “Please talk to me” he pleaded.

Knowing Dan’s stubbornness all too well, Phil did. Against the majority of his thoughts that were encouraging him to leave and spend the night alone. He laid back down, curling into himself like a ball, yet his hand still intertwined securely with Dan’s. He couldn’t bear eye contact.

“You can have anyone” he repeated, tears slipping from his eyes.

“I don’t want anyone else,” Dan’s voice didn’t waver once. “I only want you.”

Though Dan had never given Phil any reason to believe he was lying, he couldn’t believe it. His fucked up mind wouldn’t let him believe it. He’d only read about these kind of conversations in romance and teen novels, he never thought they were real. Such a line was something he never expected to be uttered to him.

“That’s like what he said” Phil’s voice was barely audible, Dan would have struggled to hear it if he wasn’t listening intently as if his life depended on it.

“Talk to me” he was persistent, knowing that it was for the best. Phil was suddenly a closed book, one that Dan wanted to read again and again, savouring every word for the rest of his life. It was just locked.

“I’m sorry” Phil wiped his eyes with his free hand, and Dan simply squeezed his other hand in reassurance that it was okay.

The realisation that Phil was about to actually relive everything hit him, and a fresh wave of hysteria hit him like a ton of bricks. He broke down completely, shaking erratically and sobbing heavily.

Dan didn’t speak a word, didn’t pry any further, just took the other boy in his arms and hugged him close for the duration of his sobs, uncaring of how damp his clothes and his bedsheets got from Phil’s tears. He traced soft circles on Phil’s back in an attempt to aid his calming down, occasionally pausing to hug him ever so tightly.

Phil didn’t fight against it. He knew it would be pointless to, but mainly because he didn’t want to.

It was at least ten minutes until Phil calmed down and they returned to their previous positions. But Dan was still looking at Phil as if he put all the stars in the sky, and Phil felt like nothing more than a rock at the bottom of the ocean.

“Do you think we could work?” Phil heard himself ask after a lengthy silence, where they had just stared at each other, neither speaking a word. His voice was little above a whisper.

The world outside fell silent around them, seemingly hanging on Dan’s answer just as much as Phil was.

“If you wanted us to,” Dan replied, voice steady as ever, “I’m not the one holding back how I feel”

“It’s easy for me to hide those things” Phil attempted to swallow back the lump in his throat, and failed.

“You said you’ve never had anyone look at you the way I do, speak about you the way I do, or appreciate you the way I do” Dan recalled a previous heart-to-heart conversation they’d had a few sleepovers prior.

“It’s true” Phil brought up his free hand to rest on Dan’s cheek, and ran his fingers across it gently. He could feel tears building up again.

“So why won’t you let me?” Dan’s voice broke on the last syllable, and a rogue tear fell from his eye. Phil tried his hardest to blink back his own tears, but hearing Dan get emotional over something he was saying to Phil was enough to break his heart a million times over, never mind crying over it.

“I want to” Phil replied truthfully, feeling an unmistakable yearning in his chest. He caressed Dan’s cheek and ran his fingers over it again, and the brunet continued to shed tears as a silence fell over the two of them.

Phil felt his lips begin to quiver, incoming tears were inevitable.

“Please,” Dan begged, emotion still dripping from his tone of voice. He was clinging to Phil’s hand with a shocking amount of force, Phil could tell Dan was shaking slightly.

“I’m so scared” Phil whispered, finally giving into his emotion.

Dan wiped the tear streaks from Phil’s cheeks.

“Tell me what you’re scared of” Dan requested, not being able to voice anything higher than a whisper either. “We can work through it”

“This,” Phil was, again, barely audible. He squeezed his eyes shut as more tears found their way streaming down his cheeks. “I’m scared of love”

“You don’t have to be scared, Phil. I’d never hurt you” Dan squeezed his hand, and Phil let out a bitter laugh, though he choked on his tears.

“Just like he said”

“Tell me what happened” Dan was still a believer in persistence being the best thing. He pressed a gentle kiss to Phil’s knuckle.

The way that Dan was looking at him, was the way that Phil had read about. It was the look of a character that was besotted, a million similes and a thousand metaphors. The look of a character so wrapped up in another, it didn’t seem realistic in the slightest.

The look that gave him the momentary confidence for a leap of faith.

“His name was Theo” Phil began, and took a shaky breath. He was actually doing it. “He was the only one that bothered to speak to me at my old school. He always took the time to say hi, pay a compliment, spend a smile”

Dan remained silent.

“A month after he started talking to me, his compliments started getting flirty. Not that I knew at the time what flirting really was, but I knew they were of a different calibre than the ones before. And you know the thing about hopeless romantics like me?” the question was rhetorical, but Phil had to pause anyway, to swallow back tears and any paranoia that was screaming at him to stop. “We fall quickly, and unequivocally.”

Dan’s body stiffened beside him, and the brunet began running his thumb across the back of Phil’s hand.

“A couple of weeks later, he kissed me. Straight after last period, under the big clock in the courtyard. I felt on top of the world, I finally had what I’d seen everyone else have for the past sixteen years” he squeezed his eyes shut again for a moment.

“Carry on” Dan encouraged quietly.

“The week after he asked me on a date. This little café place on the high street” Phil took a deep breath, he knew how well he was doing. He’d never even retold the story to himself, never mind anyone else. But it was Dan, and Dan was the one he knew he couldn’t be without.

“I went all out. I wanted it to be like the dates I’d read about in books and seen in the movies. I bought a new outfit, new cologne, new straighteners, new everything. He texted me about a half hour before we were scheduled to meet, saying he wanted to meet in the park instead, which was fine. I just wanted to see him, I would’ve done anything”

Another deep breath.

“So I set off, a spring in my step and a stupid smile on my face, smelling of too expensive cologne, sporting heat-damaged hair and an outfit straight off of the mannequin. The park was only a ten minute walk, and he was all I thought about on the way there. I felt like I could write my own cheesy romance novel”

Dan picked up on Phil’s hitched breath. He felt a pain in his chest when Phil paused again, darting his gaze downwards to try and compose himself. But Dan couldn’t do anything but wait patiently.

“Except Theo wasn’t at the park. His friends were. He’d called them. They pushed me to the ground, started to punch me, kick me, scream disgusting things at me”

Dan gasped, and clutched to Phil’s hand, not knowing how to rightly react. Tears slipped from his eyes, and Phil was close to joining him again.

“Eventually Theo did turn up. Forty minutes later. I begged him to tell them to stop, to save me, but he-he just joined in” he was beginning to trip over his words, he knew that in a short time he wouldn’t be able to speak at all.

“They repeatedly told me I was a freak, that I was ugly and wasn’t worthy of anyone’s time, nobody would ever love me. And I-I believed them, and now I’m so fucked up. I’m so fucked up, Dan!”

And that’s when Phil broke down completely. Dan was quicker than the speed of light to hold him, hugged him so tightly with the intent of never letting go, repeatedly whispering reassurances and pressing feather-light kisses wherever he could reach. Phil continued to cry, and wail and sob, and couldn’t bring himself to move from the crook of Dan’s neck.

“I’m so sorry, Phil” Dan said in failing to conjure anything better. “Just let it all out, okay, I’m not going anywhere, ever” though neither thought it would be possible to do so, Dan hugged him tighter, hoping in some way that he could hug all of the sadness out of Phil.

But he couldn’t.

\--

“I told my parents it was just bullying. Which I guess it stemmed to from that day on, any chance they got they would make digs at me. Occasionally a shove into the wall. I kept the truth of what happened that day a secret, a horrible secret that I guess I brought on myself, it was me that fell for him in the first place, I guess I’m to blame. But with regards to the bullying, the school wasn’t doing anything. It was the final straw for my dad to apply for the promotion that brought us here. It was a two-year selection process, and I couldn’t move schools in the meantime. Dad’s company forced us to stay living in the same area” Phil explained when his sobs had calmed to sporadic, around twenty minutes of hysteria later.

He was now laying on Dan’s chest, the other boy’s arm wrapped loosely around his waist.

“I don’t know what I can even say” Dan admitted with a sigh.

“It’s okay, you don’t have to say anything. I never thought it would be therapeutic to retell it. I don’t have a dark cloud hanging over me anymore… well I do, but it’s not as dark, anyway”

“It’s not okay!” Dan insisted, gently moving Phil’s head so he could bolt upright. Phil followed suit, and they were soon sitting up in the bed, cross-legged across from each other.

“I’m supposed to say the right thing to make you believe me. That I would beat him senseless if I ever had the misfortune of meeting him. That I would never intentionally hurt you. To make you believe that I feel the way I do. But I’m just not good with words” Dan dipped his head and began picking at a loose thread in his duvet.

Phil feathered his finger beneath Dan’s chin, prompting his head to tilt back upright, and then kissed Dan deeply. It was potentially the longest kiss they’d ever shared.

“I believe you” Phil whispered, taking hold of Dan’s hand, then pulled him closer to press a light kiss to his lips.

“I want to give you the world” Dan stated with a sigh a few minutes later, once they were laying back down, closer than ever.

“We’re only eighteen, you’ve barely seen the world yet” Phil replied with an amused grin, and Dan smiled, pressing a gentle kiss to Phil’s forehead.

“I want to give you all of _my_ world, then, mister technicality” Dan corrected, and smiled when he made Phil laugh. It was a beautiful sound he hadn’t heard in what felt like a lifetime. “But you have to be prepared to let me” Dan added, and Phil nodded.

“I know” he replied with a small smile.

“So will you?” Dan found himself holding his breath.

Phil smiled. “Goodnight, Dan” he pressed a kiss to Dan’s hand before turning over and settling down to sleep, occasionally sniffling, the remnants of his previous crying session.

Dan watched him for a while, lips tingling and mind racing, then eventually wrapped his arm back around Phil’s waist and settled down to sleep himself, three words left hanging silently in the air.

\--

Phil awoke to sunlight pouring through the crack in the curtains, and a weird feeling in his stomach. He could only describe it as contentment, borderline tranquillity. It was the very definition of refreshing, and something he wanted to feel a lot more often. He also awoke to a smiling Dan, looking at him fondly.

“Morning” Phil greeted.

“You wish,” Dan chuckled, “It’s past noon, you slept right through the morning.”

“Oh,” Phil felt heat rush to his cheeks. “So… you’ve just been watching me?” he raised an eyebrow.

“Again, you wish. I’ve made breakfast, well lunch I guess, technically. So get your lazy ass up already!” Dan took hold of Phil’s hand and tugged him upright to a sitting position. He then threw back the duvet, got up and walked to the door, pausing to lean on the doorframe and watch Phil in amusement.

“You know you need to give me time to get my bearings” Phil waved off Dan’s amused grin with a dismissive hand gesture, then rubbed his face to try and wake himself up completely.

“Trust me, I know. We’ve had enough of these sleepovers for me to more than know that. Don’t be too long, though, your pancakes will get cold” with that Dan left to head back downstairs, and at the mention of pancakes Phil felt instantly awake, childlike excitement running through him. He got dressed in record time and dashed downstairs, sliding onto one of the stools at the breakfast bar before Dan had even finished dishing out the pancakes evenly.

Phil wasn’t sure when they actually crossed the boundaries of best friends into whatever it was they had now. He couldn’t even pinpoint it to their first kiss, it all just felt natural. He felt as if they had a happy medium between best friends and something more, albeit sometimes it was difficult to distinguish which actions were with which intention.

Because friends would share syrup, and friends would laugh together as they ate pancakes. But would friends share syrup-laced kisses, and have their arms around the other’s waist as they washed up?

It was a fine line, which Phil thought very much compared to a tightrope. Though a fall would be cushioned, maybe even bounced back up.

It was nearing four in the afternoon when the storm started, the rumble of thunder echoing through the otherwise empty house. They were snuggled together on the sofa bathed in the soft light of a dozen candles, and this time Phil was prepared.

A hundred (he didn’t keep count) kisses, cheesy jokes during particularly turbulent thunder rolls, and whispering sweet nothings inbetween. He knew it was a good sign when Dan was laughing and blushing instead of cowering in fear. His fear wasn’t irrational, neither was Phil’s. They knew how to balance each other out. Help each other through.

It was nearing five in the afternoon when the thunder and lightning fizzled out, and rain droplets were all the universe could throw against them. The lights were back on, their lips were chapped and swollen, the topic of their previous late night conversation had cropped up again.

“So you, um, you never answered me earlier” Dan’s gaze was diverted down at his lap, where he was playing with his fingers.

Initially, Phil was going to reply with a joke, but seeing Dan’s expression wiped all humour from the situation.

“I tried to distance myself from you at one point” Phil revealed with a regretful sigh, and Dan laughed, voice low.

“Yeah, I had a feeling. You didn’t look or sound like you’d just recovered from an illness when we met at the park”

“Don’t get the wrong impression, Dan. It was all me. Ever since Theo, I’ve constantly had the mentality to just run if there’s any possibility I could feel anything beyond friendship for anyone, but I’d never had to put it into motion before. But then I met you, and you’re-“ he stopped mid-sentence to get his breath back, his breathing pattern was already erratic and breathing wasn’t the easiest of tasks for him. “You know that I’m-I’m” he had to pause again to bite down on his lip, he had cried enough lately and any word further would have brought on the waterworks.

“Please don’t say you’re fucked up, please.”

“But it’s true!” Phil insisted, and he couldn’t hold it in anymore. He’d broken down in front of Dan more times than he cared to count, so what would one more time hurt?

Being Phil’s personal superhero, Dan knew exactly what to do. Whether he knew he did or not. It was as if Phil’s body reacted to Dan’s touch every time without fail, a calming effect spread through his veins whenever they made contact. As Dan hugged Phil to his chest, Phil could feel his tears begin to stop and slowly dry up against the thin material of Dan’s shirt, as the other boy pressed his lips softly to Phil’s hair.

“You’re not fucked up. You’ve had a fucking traumatic experience that you didn’t deserve in the slightest, and you’re still hurting. I’m prepared to stay here as long as it takes” Dan whispered.

“You shouldn’t be” Phil whispered in return, balling a little of Dan’s shirt in his fist and clutching it as he began to cry again. Dan never stopped soothing him.

“Everyone should be. You deserve the world, Phil” Dan sounded sincere, he’d said it more than once. He also seemed to be persistent, which spoke volumes.

“I can’t give you it in return” Phil was still tearful, but decided to return to his side of the sofa and dare to make eye contact. He saw Dan’s expression visibly drop.

“Call me cliché, laugh at me for sounding straight out of a sappy romance novel,” he paused to take a sharp breath and run a hand through his hair, “but I want you and everything you are, no matter how much you might think the opposite”

Phil couldn’t believe Dan was saying such things to him. Phil, of all people in the world Dan could choose. It wasn’t the first time he’d said things of the same calibre, this conversation was all but a carbon copy of the one they had before going to sleep earlier in the day, but Phil thought Dan’s stares should be charged, they made Phil’s stomach do flips, and ignite a fire deep within him.

“I don’t know what love is, Dan” Phil could only imagine what he looked like through Dan’s eyes. He was still blubbering, with puffy eyes and blotched cheeks. He’d never truly know what kept Dan around.

Except he did know. _This_ was love. He was sure of it.

“Let me teach you.”

“These things you’re saying can’t be real” Phil found it in himself to laugh slightly, and shook his head in disbelief. “These past few weeks it’s like you’ve been speaking out of the guide of how to speak like you’re in an old school romance movie”

“Well what can I say,” Dan shrugged, “you bring out the best, yet cringiest and soppiest side of me.”

“Vice versa,” Phil assured him, “it’s just hard for me… I don’t know why you’re still here.”

“It’ll take time, and that’s okay. I can only imagine how foreign this concept must be for you… hell, it’s surreal even for me. I didn’t know it was possible to feel like this.”

“You’ve been in past relationships before, though” Phil recalled, feeling a little shocked at how long ago his first week at the school felt.

What a difference a month makes, he smiled to himself. If only Theo could see him now. If only Theo could see the way Dan looked at Phil, it would be the sweetest revenge he could ever imagine.

“I’ve never denied it, it’s common knowledge” Dan sounded flippant about the topic, “But I guess I always just thought that lust was enough, I mistook it for what I thought was love at the time, and I settled for relationships that I shouldn’t have. If you could call them relationships, looking back”

Phil only nodded. It wasn’t as if he could compare with his own experiences.

“I never knew that it was possible to admire someone on this deep of a level, genuinely worship the ground they walk on…”

“You’re speaking like it again” Phil laughed.

Dan exhaled dramatically. “I can’t help it, I’ve told you! I just want to be able to let you know how I feel about this… about us.”

Dan didn’t know how to label them either.

Phil took a confident risk.

“Shut up and kiss me.”

Not as much of a risk as it was him submitting to his desires.

“Yes sir” Dan mock saluted before leaning forward and pressing his lips to Phil’s, before the kiss deepened, as they all tended to nowadays.

Slowly, as both boys’ focus was solely on the kiss, they were tilting backwards, and it was when Phil’s back hit the sofa armrest that his phone sprung to life on the coffee table, vibrating and sending the piercing ringtone echoing through the house.

“You’ve got to be kidding” Phil complained as their lips broke apart, and reluctantly reached for his phone – that he instantly regretted putting on full volume earlier.

Dan didn’t seem too fazed, and set to pressing butterfly kisses to Phil’s neck as the other boy spoke on the phone.

“Hello?” Phil tried to hide the annoyance in his tone at whoever had interrupted the makeout session.

“Hi, honey!” his mother’s cheerful tone chirped through the tinny speaker. “Are you still at the Howell’s house?”

“Yes mum I’m still next door” Phil confirmed.

“Ah, good to know you’re not out causing trouble,” she said, and Phil had no idea how serious she was being, it wasn’t as if he had a troublesome adolescence. “But listen, your dad and I have a company dinner, a formal thing to celebrate his first full month after the big promotion. Could you babysit your sister tonight?”

Phil hadn’t spent much quality time with Kaitlin lately, he realised in the moment, he’d been so wrapped up in Dan. Which was understandable, given their circumstances.

“You could always invite Dan over too, make a night of it all, order a pizza and watch some tv!” she suggested enthusiastically, Phil had taken too long to reply, apparently.

At the mention of his name, Dan tapped Phil on the shoulder and, after getting his attention, nodded rapidly with a grin on his face.

“Yeah, yeah, that’s fine. What time’s the dinner?”

“Forty minutes. As soon as you come home we can go”

“So you’re saying you want me to come back now?” Phil was amused, his mother was the biggest supporter (and implementer) of subtlety.

“See you in a minute!” she exclaimed.

But she wasn’t finished.

“Oh, and Phil?” her tone was different, Phil couldn’t distinguish why or how.

He remained silent.

“I’m so glad you’ve found a good friend in Dan” she sounded sincere, and Phil was sure he could hear a tad of emotion. He remembered how heartbroken she was when Phil made it home the night of Theo and his friends’ beating, covered in bruises and blood spattered everywhere it shouldn’t be. Any mother would be.

He heard Dan snigger beside him as the call ended, and Phil eyed him quizzically. He didn’t need to ask.

“Such good friends, Philip! The two best buds there ever was in the history of humanity! Totally platonic biffles with no sexual tension whatsoever!” Dan sang, and ruffled Phil’s hair.

“You’re such an ass” Phil rolled his eyes, which only spurred Dan on more.

He nudged Phil’s arm and rested his head on his shoulder for a moment. He then jumped up from the sofa and placed his hands on his hips. He reminded Phil of an excitable puppy, the way he was bounding around.

“Come on, shufflebutt. I want to properly meet and spend time with my favourite Lester!” he walked over and pulled Phil up from the sofa, pressing a quick kiss to his lips as Phil reached a standing position.

“My dad will be so crushed you don’t mean him” Phil joked, and Dan simply smiled as he left the room in search of his shoes.

“Your parents love me, I’m sure he’ll get over it!” he called from the hallway.

It was true, Phil’s parents loved Dan. Admittedly, they didn’t know him all that well, only small talk from the sleepovers and how Dan’s parents spoke of him (their mums met up once a week for a coffee) , but they loved him. They were both thankful that Phil had made friends with such a ‘genuinely lovely’ boy.

From what Dan had told him, Dan’s parents thought the same about Phil. Which was a relief, some pressure relieved from some part of his sub-conscious.

\--

Dan was great with Kaitlin. She adored him, immediately scrambled onto his lap and wrapped her chubby arms around his neck, giving him a big hug.

“That’s enough, Kait. Let the poor boy go” Phil chuckled as he disentangled his sister from around Dan’s neck.

“Sorry” the toddler apologised, a blush staining her cheeks.

“How dare you, Phil? You’re interrupting our bonding time” Dan put on a posh voice, and picked Kaitlin back up and sat her on his lap again.

Phil could hardly believe how well they were getting along. Kaitlin obviously had both siblings’ social skills, she was extremely eccentric and charismatic, even for a toddler. Phil was watching two extroverts, bonding over talk of toys and cartoons.

Kaitlin eventually got down, and sat in the middle of the living room, staring up at the tv which was playing some mind-numbing kids’ show featuring questionable animal outfits and horrific songs.

“Wow it’s really gone downhill since we were kids” Phil observed after watching approximately ten seconds, he already felt as if it was rotting his brain.

Dan laughed, and nodded in agreement. But Phil could tell Dan’s mind was elsewhere, he wondered where.

About five seconds later he found out.

“I want kids in the future” he revealed, turning his head to the side to make eye contact. Surprisingly, it was probably the one thing they hadn’t ever discussed.

“Yeah?” Phil asked, for some reason he was genuinely curious.

Dan nodded. “Two, if I’m lucky enough” he elaborated, and Phil’s eyes widened.

“M-me too” he stuttered, frankly shocked that they had yet another thing in common.

“Hm, fancy that” Dan smiled, and Phil returned it. “But in all seriousness, I think I’ll make a great dad”

“You will” Phil knew it. Purely on the way Dan acted around Kaitlin, who he had barely said two words to before, within five minutes it was as if he had known her for all three years of her life. He was a natural.

Dan opened his mouth to reply, but closed it again, pressing his lips together. It was a second before he spoke. “Thank you.”

Phil could tell it wasn’t what he wanted to say.

He was about to question it, but Kaitlin suddenly climbed up onto the sofa between them, breaking their attention away from each other. Phil glanced to the tv and saw that colourful toy adverts were now rolling across the screen, boasting products that Kaitlin would no doubt be begging their parents for at Christmas.

“So have you kissed?” she asked innocently, looking between both boys. “Are you in love?” she already lost interest in where she was sitting and slipped back into the floor and toddled over to the tower of blocks in one corner of the room. Dan joined her, and helped her rebuild a taller tower.

He sent a questioning look to Phil.

“Kaitlin thinks people only kiss if they’re in love with each other” he explained, and Dan nodded in understanding.

He then turned his attention back to Kaitlin, and ruffled her hair.

“That’s very true,” he told her, humouring her innocence. He turned to look at Phil, regaining their eye contact. “Very true indeed” then shot the dazzling smile that never failed to make Phil weak at the knees. He knew the hidden meaning.

Surprisingly, Kaitlin didn’t ask again.

Two hours of mind-melting kids’ shows later, Phil put Kaitlin to bed (after her five-minute long goodbye to Dan, which was more dramatic than it was adorable) and felt as if he’d ran a marathon when he eventually got back downstairs – his sister refused to put on her pyjamas and was the world’s worst fidgeter, and then she thought it would be a good idea to play hide and seek afterwards.

“I’d better take off too” Dan announced when Phil flopped down beside him on the sofa. “My parents are supposed to be coming back at about eleven, and I need to do some serious cleaning, hoovering and all”

“You can’t start hoovering at eight in the evening, Dan” Phil told him, and Dan smirked.

“Why, because the neighbours might get pissed and hate me?” he teased, nudging Phil in the arm.

“Your neighbours already hate you, loser” Phil responded, and Dan sighed.

“Your words, they hurt” he pouted, apparently even losing a banter battle was enough to bring out his sore loser side.

Phil simply shrugged – never dropping the smug victory smile from his lips – and walked Dan to the door. They stood around in front of it for a while, not wanting to say goodbye, it was so cliché but that was them.

“Okay I _really_ have to go” Dan whined after their sixth goodbye kiss.

“Fine,” Phil huffed (emphatically, to pretend he was frustrated) and Dan bit his lip.

“Don’t do that!” he whined, pressing a quick kiss to Phil’s lips as an apology.

“Get out of here and let me get some sleep, it’s a school night” Phil placed a hand on his hip and pointed to the door, and Dan rolled his eyes.

“Yeah, because you need _so_ much help sleeping” he tutted in disapproval. “Fine,” Dan mocked Phil’s earlier response. “But one more thing?” he asked, and Phil nodded, prompting him to continue.

“There’s absolutely no pressure,” his tone was incredibly more serious and sincere. He picked up on Phil’s confused expression, and elaborated. “For this, us, whatever we are. If you want to stay like this, I’m happy, if you want to label it, I’m happy. The ball is entirely in your court.”

With that and another quick kiss, he left.

\--

Phil thought about it all night. He couldn’t sleep, Dan’s words replayed through his mind whenever his eyes closed, and the pros and cons of each possibility dominated his thoughts.

At three a.m., he found himself on his laptop in the pitch darkness, logging into Facebook. Immediately, the updates from people he used to go to school with spilled across his screen, girls pouting and posing together and people making plans back in the city. The reason he never used the site (and still hadn’t, this was his first time using it since before the Theo situation) was because it was pretty much mandatory in year seven, where everyone in the school wanted to add everyone they could, the bigger friend count the better. Phil never cared. He would be surprised if anyone on there recognised his name, nevertheless remembered him.

He had no idea why he was even on there, his mind was clouded with thoughts of Dan, and he guessed he wanted a diversion.

His breath caught in his throat when he saw a status from Theo on his news feed, the ‘feeling heartbroken’ emotion next to his name. His status tagged a girl from Phil’s old school, begging for her to take him back. 

With a curious gaze and shaking hands, he clicked onto Theo’s profile to find out more.

It turned out that their love affair began a week after Phil moved. It seemed to be on and off, and Theo seemed to be way more into it than the girl, Samantha, was. A couple of months ago Theo posted a selfie with tears down his cheeks. It seemed a tad dramatic.

But Samantha hadn’t interacted with any of the posts, not even once. A couple of days ago, Theo had posted a string of statuses pleading with her (much like the most recent one Phil saw), and Phil felt the tiniest bit of guilt for smiling.

But he felt an overwhelming sense of self-pride when he logged out, not posting or commenting a thing. He could have stooped to that level, but didn’t.

As he shut his laptop down, and the room plunged into complete darkness, his mind had calmed considerably, as if he’d achieved an epiphany, an overall sense of tranquillity, a realisation of what he wanted. What he needed.

3:30a.m., he snuck downstairs and over to Kaitlin’s toy chest, scooping a handful of lego pieces before scurrying back upstairs, a mischievous grin on his lips.

The night was calm, a pleasant small breeze dancing through the fresh air. Phil twirled the first lego piece around in his fingers for a few seconds, before gently throwing it against Dan’s window, and listened intently to its descent, falling and grazing against the brickwork of Dan’s house before hitting the ground of the alleyway between their houses with a fairly loud clunk.

Dan’s curtains didn’t move.

Phil connected two pieces together and threw them at Dan’s window, careful not to use too much force.

Still nothing.

He was down to his last two pieces, the penultimate ready to fire, when the curtains of the window across the alleyway were pulled apart, and a more than half-asleep Dan opened the window, resting his hands under his chin.

“What the fuck are you doing,” he yawned, running a hand through his hair. “It’s like four in the morning”

“Actually, it’s three-thirty” Phil corrected, and Dan flipped him off, before yawning once again.

“I repeat, what the fuck are you doing” Phil could tell Dan was trying to adjust to the light of the lamppost outside of their houses, which flooded the alleyway with a soft amber glow.

“I want to tell you something” Phil bit his lip, and Dan rubbed his face in an attempt to be more awake. It failed miserably.

“Then tell me, it’s not like I was doing anything important just now” his tone was dripping with sarcasm even though it was clear how sleepy he was, it made Phil smile.

He took a deep breath. “I just wanted to thank you,” his heart began to race. He knew how he felt, the time was right, nothing was too soon.

Dan remained silent, a quizzical and purely confused expression on his face as he hid a yawn behind his hand.

“For teaching me” Phil elaborated, and Dan simply blinked, seemingly not having a clue of what Phil was talking about. Phil couldn’t exactly blame him.

He clenched and unclenched his hands into fists to relieve some of the nerves that were building within him, and exhaled out any niggling paranoia that was plaguing the back of his mind.

“I love you.”

Dan looked taken aback. But it seemed less than a second before his expression turned to the epitome of fondness, and he almost didn’t need to voice his reciprocation. Phil already knew. Dan had all but admitted it in the past.

“Hold on,” Dan held up a finger before disappearing from the window. Phil knew he was going to break out in nervous sweats any second, but he knew that he had made the right decision. It was as if every nerve in his body was building up to that moment.

Dan returned a couple of seconds later with a water bottle in one hand. He proceeded to pour the water all over his face, causing Phil to gasp and cup his hands over his mouth.

“Am I dreaming right now?” Dan asked, a million times more awake than he was mere seconds before. “Did that just happen? Did you actually just say that?”

“You’re sounding like a sappy romance novel again” Phil giggled, slowly bringing his hands down from his mouth.

“Says the one that just confessed his love!” Dan shot back, a huge grin on his face that Phil mirrored.

“What can I say? I guess you just bring out my sappy side” Phil shrugged, and Dan placed his hands on his chest melodramatically.

“Truly an honour,” he joked in a high-pitched voice. “But seriously, I don’t even need to say it back, right? I’ve practically shown it to you every chance I got” he wrung some of the water from his hair over the windowsill.

“One proper time, for good luck?” Phil dared to ask, every part of him was standing on edge, craving to hear Dan say the words.

The other boy smiled widely, and rested his hands under his chin, locking his gaze with Phil’s.

“I’m so in love with you, Phil Lester.”

Hearing Dan say it outright was something entirely new, and beautifully different to how he would have imagined. Of course he already knew, it was true, Dan showed it through his gestures and through his kisses, but hearing the words together, said directly to him, was something that Phil could never have been prepared for.

Phil wanted to go back to visit his past self, two years ago at sixteen years old, beaten to a pulp, crumpled on the floor with a broken heart to boot. He wanted to tell his past self that he’ll find someone, someone like he wouldn’t believe. And despite what he’d been led to believe, despite what Theo and his friends had so harshly shouted at him, he’ll learn to love, learn to not be afraid of it, that love is a beautiful thing, which he learns from a beautiful boy. He wanted to tell his past self that he’ll fall so hard, so shockingly quickly yet so genuinely and wholly, it makes what he felt for Theo look less than a schoolgirl crush. That he’ll form a bond with a boy so quickly, it makes up for the friendships he’d been without for his whole eighteen years of life. That his first kiss with this new boy, this magnificent, life-changing new boy, is everything he ever wanted, and their relationship makes romance novels look stupid and anticlimactic – even if the boy is a terribly sore loser. Everything his sixteen year old self wanted, prayed on a star for with Theo, he finds with Dan.

“I have to say, I always thought I would be the one doing this whole romantic gesture for you” Dan chuckled, and Phil raised an eyebrow.

“I can be romantic too!” he protested, and Dan threw his head back in laughter.

“Evidently you can, but I just meant that because you’re a complete sap for romantic clichés like kissing in the rain, I thought I would be the one throwing rocks at your window in the middle of the night” he shrugged, and a laugh escaped Phil’s lips as he looked down at his hand, and the last two lego pieces still in his palm.

“I mean, the gesture was there, but it’s not exactly rocks” he held out his hand to show the lego pieces, and Dan crossed his arms over his chest.

“Well there go all of my hopes and dreams” he tried his best to make his voice monotone and look unimpressed.

But given the situation, it was impossible for any of them to do anything but smile and look at each other longingly, fondly, lovingly.

“Fight me” Phil said as he threw the remaining pieces playfully at Dan, and watched as the other boy blocked them and they went tumbling down into the alleyway with a strangely satisfying clunk.

“I am so going to collect all of those later today” Dan stated as he peered his head out of the window and looked down at the alleyway, though the lamppost light didn’t stretch that far down.

“You’ll have one pissed off toddler on your case if you do” Phil replied, and Dan pressed a finger to his chin.

“On second thought, I’ll pass” he held up his hands in surrender and the two exchanged a laugh.

It was Phil that then yawned, the adrenaline he’d been riding on for the duration of the night up to that point had now given way to the tiredness.

“We should get some sleep” Dan smiled, and Phil nodded in agreement.

“Quarter to seven outside yours?” Phil asked to confirm their usual plan of walking to school together.

Dan nodded. “Of course! I was going to say ‘it’s a date’ but it’d be the shittiest date in the history of the world so, um, I’ll see you then”

“You’re babbling” Phil told him.

“It’s hard not to when I’m around you” he admitted.

“Get some sleep, mister cliché” Phil said in amusement.

“You get some sleep too, mister romance” Dan sounded just as amused, and Phil rolled his eyes. Though his playful, casual façade was ruined when he inevitably yawned again.

“I’ll see you in a few hours” Phil waved, and Dan waved back.

“It’s a date” he smiled.

“We literally just discussed the fact it’s the worst date idea” Phil reminded him.

“Oh fuck, yeah. Sorry,” Dan scratched the back of his neck. “See you soon, mister lover boy”

They both then closed their windows and returned to bed, Phil was torn between giving into his tiredness and sizeable desire to sleep, and reliving everything that had just happened.

_I can’t wait to see you :) x_

His stomach did a flip when his phone momentarily lit up the room with the text from Dan, and it was like a silent lullaby, when he fell into a pleasant, dreamless sleep, sub-consciously wishing for his alarm to come around quicker.

\--

“Good morning!” Dan sang as he jumped down from his garden wall.

“A very good morning to you too” Phil replied, and Dan slung his arm around Phil’s shoulders as they began to walk.

“I hate to be pushy or whatever but, you know, should we talk about it? What we’re going to do about it?” Dan bit his lip and Phil smiled. All he wanted to do was talk about it, though preferably anywhere but out on the street.

“I think we need to talk about it,” he chuckled, “what do you think we should do?”

“Nice try,” Dan said whilst twisting a lock of Phil’s hair between his fingers, “but the ball’s still very much in your court”

After a (pretty much one-sided) debate, they decided to not make anything obvious until they could _really_ talk about things, and it also made their alone time that much more special, which they both agreed was nothing but a positive factor.

\--

Morning lessons passed by uneventfully, continuously boring theory work and note-taking with not much else.

The highlights of Phil’s morning were the playful text exchanges he and Dan had, each one prompting a wide smile, and occasionally a stifled laugh whilst he risked teachers glaring at him.

At lunchtime, whilst everyone else was getting food, Zoe began quizzing Phil as they both tucked into their packed lunches.

“So how was your weekend?” she asked politely, unwrapping the foil from around her sandwiches.

Phil gulped, preparing to put his acting skills to the test.

“Alright, I guess. Babysat my sister whilst my parents went out” he answered. He technically didn’t lie, he was just vague, and described the smallest part of his weekend.

That’s how he was going to hedge around the topic of Dan, technicalities.

“Well, you didn’t miss much at the party. It was a total bust” she sighed. “We had to wait around in the living room until Caspar finished bedding a girl in one of the bedrooms, it was mortifying” she shuddered for emphasis.

Phil couldn’t help but laugh.

“Did you see Dan at all? I hate to think he was studying all weekend without a break”

That was Zoe, always unnecessarily concerned about everyone’s wellbeing. Phil really admired her for it.

“We texted a bit, for some light relief on his part I assume” it was extremely difficult for Phil not to get flustered at hearing and speaking Dan’s name, his plan to be vague seemed to be getting less and less realistic. Especially if Zoe kept the same topic of conversation. Which in the back of his mind, he thought she would, given the fact he had all but admitted his crush to her and Louise when they went around to his house during the week he pretended to be ill.

But that just wasn’t the kind of person Zoe was.

“Good,” she smiled. “Oh, before I forget, Joe’s insisting we have a little get-together on Saturday since our dad’s away. Want to come?”

Getting invited to things was still, even after the few months he’d now been at the school and involved with the friendship group, thrilling for Phil. He wasn’t used to people wanting to hang out with him, never mind hang out with him willingly and after school.

“I’d love to” Phil replied, and Zoe beamed at him.

“Yay! It’s not a big house party, mainly because I wouldn’t let Joe throw one, so it’ll just be our lot” she explained, and Phil nodded in understanding.

“I’m glad you can come, though,” she added, “I just know Joe’s inviting the rest of them now because they’re all up there together, and I know it sounds stupid but I wanted to get at least one invitation in myself”

“I’ll be there as your guest, Zoe, don’t you worry” Phil mock-saluted, and Zoe high-fived him.

“Thanks, Phil. You’re a very good friend to have on board.”

Those were words Phil never thought he would hear, he still wasn’t used to forging genuine friendships.

They continued make polite conversation until the others started to return from the lunch queue, and Joe enthusiastically slammed his tray beside Phil.

“Phil! Good to see you! So listen-“

“I’ve already asked him, smartass” Zoe interjected with a smug smile, and Joe looked down at Phil, who nodded in confirmation.

“Fuck. I wanted a clean sweep” Joe mumbled as he sat down and began picking at his food with his fork, prompting his sister into laughter.

“Don’t be so pathetic” she threw a ball of foil at him, startling him and throwing him off-guard. “I can’t believe you stole the option of inviting my own best friend and boyfriend from me.”

“What?” Louise wanted in on the conversation immediately, and repeated the question as she and Alfie sat down at the table.

“Zoe’s pissed that Joe invited you two and Joe’s pissed because Zoe invited me” Phil explained, having to bite back his laughter at how silly it all was. The Suggs’ little sibling rivalry was what he ideally wanted with Kaitlin when she was older.

“Such justifiable anger” Dan joked, arriving at the table just before Phil explained and sitting beside Alfie.

“Justifiable anger is being pissed at Caspar for making us all wait around whilst he slept around at the party on Saturday” Joe stated as his best friend sat beside him, and his cheeks stained red.

“Like you wouldn’t have done the same thing” was all Caspar could offer, and Joe ruffled his hair, much to the other boy’s frustration.

“Been there, done that, my friend” Joe replied, a proud smile on his face and a slight smug tone to his voice.

“So let me get this straight,” Louise placed her cutlery on her plate to be able to point to the two bickering boys. “You’re sleeping with each other’s old conquests, now?”

“Is there really nobody else for you to chase?” Jim asked in amusement as he and Tanya sat down at the table, obviously having heard the conversation.

“I didn’t fucking know!” Caspar defended, and slapped Joe’s hand away as the other boy tried to ruffle his hair again.

“You’re not bringing anyone to ours this weekend that isn’t sat at this table, do you understand me, Joseph?” Zoe was showing her assertive older sister dominance. “You don’t have to prove a point here.”

“I’m offended at the accusation, Zo” Joe frowned, and Zoe rolled her eyes.

“Can I?” Caspar asked eagerly, and Zoe glared at him.

“One guess” her voice was monotone, and Phil watched as the eagerness dropped from Caspar’s face in a matter of seconds, and he simply nodded.

_Want to get out of it, or?_

Phil was momentarily distracted from the discussion, as he looked down at the text from Dan. When Phil glanced over, Dan was fully immersed in conversation with Tanya and Jim, and Phil wondered how Dan got to be such a good texter when it came to subtlety. He was always unbelievably sly and sneaky with it when he was in public.

_I think it’d be good to go (plus I already told Zoe I would). Besides, it’s not healthy for you to be in that ‘study group’ too often, you know?_

Phil couldn’t help a small smile forming on his lips at the last part of his text.

He kept a hand over his phone so he could easily tell when it vibrated with a new message, and when it did, he never noticed Dan typing. It was an impressive talent.

_I was going to say something cheesy like ‘I want to study your tonsils more’ but it doesn’t read as romantically as it did in my head_

_But I get you. Now watch this for flawless acting…_

It seemed only a second after the last text came through that Dan called Joe’s name, capturing the attention of the whole table.

“I just got a text from my tutor saying it’s cool for me to have Saturday off and skip the group” Dan wiggled his phone in his hand, and Joe grinned.

Phil wished he could lie like Dan.

“Everyone’s coming, then” he announced, still grinning widely.

As he began listing off potential drinking games they all might be partaking in at the weekend, Phil temporarily diverted his attention to his phone and began typing.

_Flawless acting or flawless lying, the world may never know_

Again, without giving away a thing, the text from Dan came through.

_You’re just jealous, Philip, I know your game_

Phil decided it was a discussion best saved for a window chat, maybe then he could also ask Dan for tips on how to be a better liar. He needed all the help he could get.

_… This isn’t over_

But lunchtime was soon over, the bell rang in the middle of Jim and Caspar’s arm wrestle (Phil didn’t know why they had decided to arm wrestle or what was at stake) and as he walked to Media with Joe - they had decided to leave Caspar behind as to not be late to lesson - he felt his phone vibrate with new messages around ten times. His fingers twitched to retrieve it from his pocket, but he managed to refrain.

However, as soon as Joe left their desk to get laptop cables, Phil wasted no time in whipping his phone out and eagerly scrolled through the new messages, all of which were from Dan.

_I think I got away with staring at you for the majority of lunchtime_

_Sorry about that by the way I can’t help myself_

_Wow I sound like a proper sap_

_You make me into a cliché and I hate that I kind of love it_

_Is it bad that I REALLY want to kiss you right now_

_You know what I don’t care if it is_

_I really want to kiss you right now_

_Okay bye I’m going to get my phone taken away if I keep spamming you_

_This teacher’s a bitch_

_Okay speak soon bye xxxxxxxx_

He barely had time to begin typing a reply when Joe returned, and Phil quickly slipped his phone back into his pocket.

“There’s really no point in getting everything out when it’s only a single lesson” Joe complained, plugging everything in and handing Phil his cables.

“Then just work in your notebook”

Joe scoffed. “We’re in the digital era, my dear friend. Nobody works on paper anymore” he spoke with dramatic flair, and his words were practically transparent.

“You forgot your notebook didn’t you” Phil asked, amused at the extent his friend would go to not look foolish.

“Maybe” Joe muttered, tapping his fingers on the laptop’s lid as he waited for it to load.

He flipped Phil off when he started to laugh, and when Caspar arrived a few seconds later, he joined in on the laughter without even knowing what caused it.

“Wait where are my cables?” he asked with a pout once he had settled into his seat.

“Here,” Phil passed his own cables over and then got out his notebook and pen from his backpack, whilst Joe watched enviously.

Joe was lazy, nobody would argue, and the prospect of having to pack a laptop and its cables away after only a half hour of using them at the same time as the rest of the class was too much for him to bear. Phil’s constant need to be organised made sure he always had the corresponding notebooks for each class so he could avoid unnecessary movement, as he wasn’t the most athletic of people either. He and Joe were on the same page, really.

By the time the lesson ended, and Joe had returned from packing everything away – which took three minutes longer than it should have due to multiple other students dropping their cables in front of the box – Joe was mumbling to himself a string of unpleasantries about various members of their class.

“Bring on the weekend, I say” he threw his arms up into the air as he exhaled loudly, earning a few strange looks in the corridor. Phil laughed beside him.

“We have a lot more single period lessons to get through before then” he reminded his friend, and Joe groaned.

He pretended to wipe tears away from his eyes, and placed a hand on Phil’s shoulder as they continued walking to their next class.

“It’s going to be a long week, Phil” he predicted, “A very long week.”

\--

Joe wasn’t wrong.

Phil couldn’t put his finger on exactly why the week dragged, but it did. Agonisingly slowly. He had no time to meet Dan after school as they were both snowed under with homework (schoolwork had been neglected for a little too long as they sacrificed it for more alone time, and were now paying the price), and they had both already signed away their weekend to attend the Suggs’ party.

Phil soon realised that a reason why the days were ticking by slower than ever before was probably because he was itching to have ‘the conversation’ with Dan, they hadn’t really had chance to discuss where exactly Phil’s confession left them in terms of where they stood with each other. But he really wanted to.

By the time Phil finally finished his homework and called it quits with studying for the week, it was nearing 1pm on Saturday afternoon. Zoe had texted the group telling them to arrive at around 7pm, and Phil was looking forward to letting loose, he felt like he’d earned it. Even though the intense study sessions were well needed, he had been the one to neglect his work recently. For good reason, though, his rationality argued.

He had just gotten back from showering and finished packing when the first object hit his window, a gentle tap. It was barely audible, he paid it no notice. But when the taps became more repetitive, seemingly in succession, he gave into his curiosity and rolled up his blinds, and was met with the sight of a grinning Dan, a handful of lego pieces piled up on his palm.

“Did you go down there and pick them all up?” Phil asked after opening his window.

“Maybe,” Dan shrugged casually, “studying gets boring after a while.”

“Tell me about it” Phil mumbled, running a hand through his wet hair.

Dan obviously noticed the water droplets that flew from Phil’s hair as he ran his fingers through it, and dropped his hand to the windowsill, and pouted.

“Fuck, I was two minutes too late wasn’t I” he observed, then sighed and cursed at himself.

It was all very amusing.

“I wouldn’t have let you watch me get dressed, Dan” Phil told him, knowing downright he was lying. The truth was he just never thought of it.

He hoped Dan wouldn’t call his bluff. But Dan did.

“It didn’t seem to bother you too much the night of Ricky’s party” he recalled with a smirk, and Phil felt his cheeks heat up.

“You were the one that was spying on me that night!” Phil insisted, and Dan waved his hand dismissively.

“And you were the one that left your blinds up whilst you were topless and swapping outfits again and again, what was a boy to do?” Dan stuck his bottom lip out innocently, and Phil rolled his eyes.

“Wow our origin story is so romantic” he joked, and Dan burst into laughter.

“Truly the epitome of modern day romance” he agreed. “So what time do you want to set off for Zoe and Joe’s tonight?”

“About half six, I guess? We should be there in plenty of time” Phil replied, and Dan nodded.

“Do you kind of wish it would just be the two of us tonight, though?” he asked wistfully, resting his head on one of his hands.

“It’s important for us still to integrate with other people, we don’t want to risk getting sick of each other then be isolated, you know?” Phil was waffling, he didn’t even know what he was saying. He was just trying to bite back the urge to shout ‘I really miss kissing you’.

“Not even a part of you wishes that we would be alone?” Dan asked again, this time raising an eyebrow.

“Maybe” Phil mumbled, not trusting his mouth to not start speaking gibberish again.

“A big part of you, then” Dan commented, lips curling into a smile.

“Yes, okay, fine” Phil could hear that he was indeed as flustered as he felt.

“Knew it” Dan grinned in victory. “We could always cancel, make up for lost time this week…”

“We’re going to see the others” Phil said decisively (sounding as final as he could), finding the temptation to cancel almost too good to deny. If Dan kept suggesting it, Phil didn’t know how long he could keep up his insistence.

Thankfully he didn’t have to.

“ _Fine,”_ Dan whined, “I’ll just have to wait another day to kiss you, great”

Phil tried his best to speak in spite of the butterflies in his stomach. “You’re a trooper, I’m sure you’ll manage”

“Only because I have no bloody choice” Dan complained in rebuttal.

“I know for a fact you won’t be packed yet” Phil stated, and Dan pressed his lips together.

“It’s cute that you know me so well” he commented, “You know that I’m too lazy to actually pack before the last minute”

“I know everything about you” Phil shot back, clearly exaggerated. But he had a gut feeling that he wasn’t too far away from the truth.

“You could always come over and pack for me, mister over-organiser” Dan suggested with a shrug, and Phil shook his head.

“We both know if I went over to your house now, I wouldn’t leave until tomorrow morning.”

“That’s the plan” it was adorable how sincere and chirpy Dan sounded.

“I’ll see you tonight, Dan” were Phil’s parting words before he closed his window, and rolled his blinds back down – as an attempt to try and limit the overwhelming temptation to go back and talk to him some more, only for Dan to eventually persuade him to go over.

Phil had to grip his bedsheets to stop himself from going back to his window when Dan began throwing the remaining lego pieces at his window. He laid back on his bed and smiled to himself, he didn’t quite know how the hell he got so lucky, but he very much liked being a walking cliché.

\--

It was the hardest thing in the world to avoid spilling out his feelings all over again as he and Dan began making their way to Zoe and Joe’s house.

“You look nice” Dan complimented after a playful wolf-whistle as Phil walked out to meet him.

“I’m wearing the exact same outfit as I wore to Ricky’s party” he replied, then realised a second later that Dan was too. That same shirt that (previously internally) drove him wild.

“Oh I know,” Dan laughed, “it’s just that now I can tell you how gorgeous you look without it sounding weird and like I’m coming onto you”

“It still sounds like you’re coming onto me” Phil joked and nudged Dan’s arm as they walked.

For some reason, Dan had adopted a new tradition of wrapping his arm around Phil’s shoulders whenever they walked alongside each other. Not that Phil minded at all, it was more so that all of his effort went into stopping himself from intertwining their fingers.

“So what if I am? Would that be so wrong?” Dan asked, stroking his fingers along Phil’s neck, making the other boy dither in surprise.

“The urge to say yes is almost too tempting…” Phil teased, and Dan gasped dramatically.

“You’d never do that to me, Phil, you’re too precious.”

“Is precious really the word you want to use?” Phil asked with a smile, and Dan blushed.

“My vocabulary isn’t particularly refined at the moment, I’m trying to fight back the urge to pull you in and kiss you so excuse me if I’m not properly articulate for the time being.”

“We both made this decision to not be outright in public” Phil reminded him, though he really hoped that would change one day soon when they actually had chance to sit down together and properly discuss things.

“Yeah, yeah” Dan rolled his eyes, “Doesn’t particularly help my situation though, the want is still there”

Phil noticed Dan then lick his lips, and an idea popped into his head. It was quite mischievous, but he was almost certain Dan would do the same if the roles were reversed.

He was going to do some teasing, see how far he could push Dan.

It started with him leaning in a little closer to Dan as they walked, and then graduated to letting his fingers brush against Dan’s as he pretended to look both sides for cars at a traffic light junction. At one point he heard Dan exhale loudly, and he knew that whatever he was trying to do, he was succeeding.

His heart sank a little when they passed a girl from their school, Phil was sure her name was Melinda, and she was anything but subtle in checking Dan out.

“Hi, Dan!” she exclaimed chirpily as the three of them crossed paths, and Phil kept his gaze firmly on the pavement.

“Melinda,” Dan replied civilly with a nod.

Phil could tell from the awkward silence that Melinda had no idea who he was. But it was the reaction he was used to getting, the one he’d pretty much grown up with. Up until Theo.

“This is Phil, by the way” Dan swooped in, and Phil couldn’t stop himself from smiling when he noticed how husky Dan’s voice had gotten compared to how it was usually, and as far as Phil knew, he could be the only cause.

Phil used his smile to get through the awkward meeting with Melinda, which was nothing more than an exchange of nods, and it was only a second before her attention was back on Dan alone. She couldn’t have seemed more disinterested about Phil’s general presence.

“So are you doing much today?” she asked in a lower tone of voice, and twirled a piece of hair around her index finger.

“Just going for a few drinks then back on the study train, you know how it is” Dan shrugged, voice still husky and his body language was suggesting he was ready to move on. Quite frankly, so was Phil.

“Oh where are you going? Maybe I could tag along?” she bit her bottom berry-painted lip, gaze still locked on Dan.

Phil also looked to Dan, and he noticed that Dan’s gaze was darting around, avoiding Melinda completely.

“No can do, invitation only I’m afraid” Dan replied, and Melinda stopped twirling around her hair. She furrowed her eyebrows for a second, and opened her mouth to speak, but she stopped herself.

“Oh, okay. I’ll just see you around at school then?” she sounded fairly flustered, and Dan nodded. “Okay then… bye Dan!”

And with that she continued walking the opposite direction, sashaying her hips from side to side.

“I know I’m invisible to most people but fucking hell, we were even introduced to each other” Phil mumbled, and Dan threw his head back in laughter.

“That’s just how Melinda is, don’t you worry, love.” Dan stroked Phil’s cheek for a second, “Plus if it’s any consolation, you’re positively opaque to me” he beamed, and Phil just stared at him.

“Truly the romantic gentleman I’ve been missing my whole life” he deliberately kept his tone of voice monotone, and Dan flicked Phil’s fringe playfully.

“I only save my most romantic lines for you, my dear.”

It was Phil’s turn to flick Dan’s fringe before they continued walking.

“She was totally trying to come onto you back there, you know” Phil told him as they turned onto another street, and Dan sighed.

“It’s not the first time. She’s convinced she can ‘change my mind’ even though I’ve been out to the whole school for years. I don’t know how many times I can tell her nicely that she’s barking up the wrong tree” he explained, and Phil pressed his lips together. He couldn’t help but wonder if Dan would be as open about their relationship if they were to come out as a fully-fledged official couple.

Rather than focus on the main point of Dan’s explanation, Phil being Phil focused on the insignificant points.

“Isn’t ‘barking up the wrong tree’ a weird ass phrase” he pondered, and Dan chuckled.

“If only I had a similar mind to you, Phil Lester” Dan said as he ruffled Phil’s hair, much to Phil’s annoyance. “But yeah, I guess it is a weird ass phrase.”

A few seconds passed before Dan spoke up again.

“I’d much rather be barking up your tree, if I’m honest.”

“Dan!” Phil exclaimed, cupping a hand over his mouth. He didn’t exactly know what Dan was implying (though it wasn’t hard to imagine), it was more so the fact that he just said it out of the blue. Though it did help calm his slight jealousy he felt about Melinda.

“I’m just saying!” Dan defended, holding up his hands.

Phil couldn’t help but notice that Dan’s voice was slowly returning back to normal, his plan to tease had been seriously set back by their encounter with Melinda. He had to step up his game.

“You know how you said that you save all your romantic lines for me? I can’t help but wonder what else you’re saving for me…”

Dan stopped in his tracks for a second or two, then jogged to catch back up to Phil, who didn’t stop walking. Phil managed to hide his smile at just the right moment.

“Whoa what the fuck does that mean?” he asked eagerly, poking Phil’s arm, acting like an excitable puppy. When Phil didn’t answer, Dan groaned. “Come on Phil, you can’t say things like that to me in the middle of the street and not elaborate!”

“I don’t need to elaborate,” Phil reasoned, “I just bet you’re a guy of many talents” he didn’t even know what he was saying anymore, but it was quite clearly working.

“I don’t think you realise what you’re doing to me” Dan mumbled, and Phil disguised his laugh as a cough, hiding it behind his hand.

“I’d love to know what I’m doing to you, or more so what you want me to do” Phil was very much going off on a limb now, he didn’t know how his words would be construed, he was just saying what was on his mind. So there must have been some truth to them, even sub-consciously in the back of his mind.

“Stop it, right now” Dan warned, “Because I’m ten seconds away from throwing this ‘not outright’ plan off of the table.”

But Phil wasn’t stopping, he was having far too much fun.

“Would you ever have sex in public?” he asked innocently, and turned to look at the boy beside him, who was as red-faced as could be.

“Phil I _swear”_ Dan warned again, and clutched harder onto his backpack straps.

Surprisingly, the tipping point was arguably the tamest attempt Phil tried.

“I really like you in that shirt”

“That’s it” Dan grabbed Phil’s hand and dragged him behind a particularly tall bush, and wasted no time in pushing Phil to the ground and connecting their lips and initiating their steamiest makeout session to date.

Phil had never been more proud of himself, the payoff of successfully teasing Dan to his breaking point was well worth the effort.

Hands weaved in hair and around necks, and gasps were elicited as lips travelled to other places, teeth tugging on necks and covering jawlines in butterfly kisses.

It was almost too soon when they broke apart from one another, both panting slightly.

“You brought that upon yourself” Dan pointed an accusatory finger at Phil.

“Guilty as charged, and I’d do it all over again, it was a lot of fun.”

“You’re a terrible, terrible teasing flirt.”

“I just know how to push your buttons” Phil shrugged, and Dan ran a hand through his hair.

“Damn right. Though if it’s a good thing or a bad thing is yet to be determined.”

“Hey, your articulate tendencies are coming back” Phil observed, and Dan flipped him off.

“Well now I’ve finally kissed you again, world order can start to be restored.”

Phil glanced down at his watch. “We have approximately fifteen minutes to get to the party before people start to speculate, considering we said we’d be arriving together. So no more kissing, sorry” he tapped his watch as he stood up, and looked down at Dan who had yet to move.

“But I want to kiss more” he stuck out his bottom lip and was giving a puppy-dog look worthy of awards, and even if Phil didn’t want to give in before (which he did, so badly), it would be impossible not to after seeing Dan like that.

“I’ll make you a deal. One more little kiss then we’re going and not stopping until we get there” he proposed, and Dan tapped his index finger against his chin for a couple of moments, then shrugged.

“Any excuse to kiss you, I’ll take” he admitted casually, then pulled Phil in by the collar of his shirt, and thus began their next kiss of the night, lengthy and passionate as it was.

But well worth the risk.

\--

Needless to say, they arrived late to the Sugg residence. Ten minutes late, to be precise.

They were sure to stand a reasonable distance apart on the doorstep, and had straightened out their clothes on the street before, they were sure there were no giveaways of what had happened previously.

“I swear if I wake up with lovebites on my neck tomorrow, I’m not going to lie about them” Dan stated as they rang the doorbell.

“Same, to be honest. It’d be pretty obvious considering the only people I know at this school is you and everyone else who has been inside this house for the past half hour at least” Phil explained, and Dan nodded in understanding.

“Come on little lovebites, come out to play” he tapped his neck, then winced at the slight pain it brought. But it did imply that he wanted them to be outed. Which did make Phil smile, though he would prefer it to be under different circumstances, more so ones after they’d had the conversation that they really, really needed to have. They probably wouldn’t have to hide it then.

“You’re such a bloody weirdo” Phil managed to quip before the door swung open, and Joe beckoned them inside, a glass of some form of alcohol in his hand.

“Ay! You guys made it!” Caspar greeted from across the living room, looking up from a video he was watching with Tanya.

“How nice of you to _finally_ join us,” Louise was smirking, “What took you so long? Didn’t you get the text saying seven p.m.?”

Phil knew what she was thinking, he had a feeling he always did.

“Ten minutes hardly constitutes as being late, Lou. Zoe said _about_ seven, anyway, which is open for interpretation” Dan never faltered in his rapid responses.

“I did, to be fair” Zoe confirmed, and Louise huffed in frustration, Phil guessed she was pissed she hadn’t caught them out. Though it wouldn’t have been the absolute worst thing in the world even if she did.

“But Dan also texted saying that they set off at around quarter to, right?” Louise asked Zoe, who checked her phone, and then nodded.

Louise turned her attention back to Dan and Phil with a raised eyebrow. Silent accusation.

“Ditz over here forgot to pack anything to sleep over with,” Dan pointed to Phil, and Phil shrugged and nodded to play along. “So that held us back. But what’s with the third degree anyway?”

“I was just curious, was all” Louise leaned back on her arms and nodded over to where Joe was pouring himself another drink. “Also Joe wanted everyone here so we could start the drinking games.”

“It looks like he’s already started without us” Phil muttered, and Dan bit back a laugh as Joe stumbled over to them, handing them both a glass of something or other, then downing his own.

“Time for Never Have I Ever!” he announced.

Nobody really retaliated or argued against it, everyone just gathered around in a circle on the floor with their drink glasses in front of them.

“Never have I ever skipped a class” Alfie began, causing Dan, Joe and Caspar to take a drink.

“Absolute fucking rebellious legends” Caspar chanted, jumping up and running to the other side of the circle to high-five his friends that had also skipped a class before. If it wasn’t clear to Phil already that Caspar had ingested a little too much alcohol, the fact he crashed into the coffee table on his way back to his seat would have confirmed it. He didn’t seem to notice the gash on his knee that was oozing blood, and still wouldn’t have noticed if it wasn’t for Zoe running out of the room and returning with a plaster for him.

“Okay. Never have I ever… had a bad grade in a class, but never told my parents about it” Louise prompted everyone but Zoe to take a drink.

“You got an E in physics back in year seven though, chummy” Zoe reminded her best friend, and Louise rolled her eyes.

“Yes, but I _told_ my dad about it, remember?” the blonde replied dismissively, almost annoyed that Zoe had brought it up.

“Technicalities win again” Zoe shrugged, pulling her knees into her chest. Alfie wrapped his arm around her for a few moments, giving her a one-arm hug.

“Zoe’s the only person I know to never have had a grade below a B” Dan told Phil, and the rest of the group agreed with nods and exclamations of jealousy (particularly Joe).

“No more of this mild, school related shit!” Caspar shouted, the alcohol sloshing around in his glass violently as he thrust it into the air. “Let’s get into the good stuff!”

“I concur” Louise agreed calmly, clinking her glass against Caspar’s.

“Fair enough,” Tanya shrugged as the game turned to her prompt, “Never have I ever slept with someone and never called them again.”

Joe, Caspar and Louise all took a drink.

“First of all, I’m not surprised,” Alfie wiggled his finger between Joe and Caspar, “But when the fuck was this? And who?” he pointed towards Louise, who blushed.

“A lady never kisses and tells” she replied, voice calm and steady, and took another sip of her drink.

“Was it that guy that you met-“

Louise interrupted Zoe’s question.

“Yes, and let’s hear no more of it” she flipped her hair behind her shoulder.

“Wow, in which case you let a really good one go, what the fuck was wrong with you, Pentland?” Dan questioned, and Louise flipped him off.

Phil couldn’t help but feel slightly out of the loop. With the exception of Alfie, it seemed as if everyone else in the room knew who Louise was talking about, it was obvious with their expressions when she admitted it was who Zoe was going to ask about. But it wasn’t his place to pry, he respected Louise’s wish to let it stay in the past.

“Never have I ever been in love” Caspar prompted on his turn, causing Joe to groan.

“I didn’t think you’d be the one to turn it soppy, mate” he complained, pushing his best friend playfully.

“That’s such a fucking cop-out for them!” Joe continued to complain as Zoe, Alfie, Jim and Tanya all took a drink.

“You’re just jealous” Jim smirked, and Joe rolled his eyes.

Dan subtly looked across the circle, and his eyes widened (Phil assumed in surprise) as Phil downed every drop of his drink without even as much as a second thought. Dan hid his smile behind his own glass before following suit and downing his drink. They locked eyes for a moment, about to embark on a silent conversation, but it was abruptly interrupted by Louise, who jumped at the chance to interrogate her childhood friend.

“What the fuck?” she began, voice undeniably enthusiastic and excited, “That’s not what you said to us! You said you never loved any of your exes!” her voice was little more than a squeak, the excitement was clear.

“And that’s still a fact” Dan replied with a dismissive shrug.

Shockingly, Louise didn’t interrogate any further. She simply nodded and sat back with a small smile playing on her lips, Phil wished he could decipher it.

Phil was sure that Louise was going to question him too, or that he would at least get a borderline accusatory smirk from either her or Zoe. But he didn’t. He guessed he still had the mysterious past working in his favour, being the new kid, so nobody bothered to call him on it. Only Dan knew. And that in itself was a whole new kind of thrill.

The game soon shifted to Joe’s turn, by which point everyone had gone through at least two glasses of alcohol (though some, namely Caspar and Joe, had already had far too much). Phil was feeling slightly light-headed, but he was still completely in control of himself. If anything, he just felt significantly more giddy and a smidgen more confident.

“Never have I ever kissed someone in this room” Joe prompted Zoe, Alfie, Jim and Tanya to take a drink.

Again, Dan subtly looked over to Phil, but like last time, Phil confidently knocked back his drink in a single swift motion, placing his glass back on the carpet with a wide grin. Dan followed suit, and Phil could tell he was biting back a smile.

“Well obviously this makes sense” Joe rolled his eyes as he gestured towards the two couples, but his focus soon turned to Dan, who matched his gaze.

“What haven’t you been telling me, Howell?” Joe asked as he handed Dan another drink.

“I’m not one to kiss and tell” he replied, and clinked his glass against Joe’s, leaving the other boy more confused than ever.

If it wasn’t for the amount of alcohol that Joe had already consumed, Phil was certain Joe would have pieced things together. But he seemed not to, as he turned to Phil with the same confused expression.

“What about you, Lester? What haven’t you been telling me? We’ve been mates since day one, I’m hurt” Phil could tell he was joking, as he winked and clinked his glass against Phil’s (after handing him a fresh drink).

“I’m not one to kiss and tell” he copied Dan’s answer, in an attempt to make it even clearer to his friend. He’d already (albeit subtly) admitted to being in love with Dan, so how big of a difference would admitting to kissing him make? He was proud of it, if he was honest. The fact Dan ever gave him time of day was still a mystery to him at the best of times. 

It didn’t work, as Joe just sighed in frustration and returned to his place in the circle.

Though when Phil glanced around the circle to the rest of his friends, it was a different story. Zoe was flicking her gaze between the two of them, a hand over her mouth, though Phil could tell she was smiling widely. Alfie looked shocked, but shot them both a thumbs up. Tanya was cuddled into Jim, both of them were smiling fondly. Caspar was in the same state as Joe, none of them really knew what was going on. Louise was the hardest of the group to read. Phil didn’t know what to make of her reaction. Maybe she was too far gone to realise things either.

Zoe and Tanya even let out a couple of ‘aw’s when they pieced everything together, causing Phil to blush, but he felt more relieved than anything.

“Anyone for some food?” Louise asked, standing up from the circle. She didn’t really wait for anyone’s response, and made her way straight to the kitchen.

Joe and Caspar took Louise’s departure as their chance to visit the bathrooms and then drunk call some exes (their words, not Phil’s). Jim and Tanya left to get some fresh air in the garden, and Zoe and Alfie followed Joe and Caspar to stop them making a fool out of themselves (Zoe’s words, not Phil’s).

As soon as the last door closed and they were alone in the living room, Dan wasted no time in dashing across the room to sit beside Phil.

“Okay, I’m not complaining, remember that,” he began, some sporadic syllables slurred, “But what the fuck just happened?”

“You ask that a lot” Phil giggled, the giddiness from the alcohol making him feel almost fearless.

“You just admitted to everyone that you’re in love with me” Dan grinned, and Phil nodded a little too frivolously.

“I also admitted to kissing you” Phil added, pressing a sloppy kiss to Dan’s lips, almost to prove a point. Also because he just never got tired of kissing Dan. Mainly the latter.

“More of that please” Dan whispered breathlessly, before initiating another kiss, this time deeper, yet sloppier. Neither of them were particularly on top form, given the night of alcohol and drinking games they’d had, but they were both more than sober enough to know what they were saying and doing.

“Why was Louise acting so weird before” Phil’s question was more like a statement.

Dan shrugged. “Never seen her like it before.”

“I’m going to go check on her” Phil said decisively, and used the sofa as support as he stood up, his legs feeling slightly like jelly. Whether it was due to nerves or the fact he hadn’t used them in a while, he didn’t know.

“I’ll be here” Dan smiled up at him, and Phil ruffled the other boy’s hair before setting off for the kitchen.

As soon as Phil entered the kitchen, he could see Jim and Tanya lazily making out in the middle of the garden courtesy of the floor-length windows at the end of the kitchen. He was up for a makeout session himself.

But he had bigger, more important things on his mind.

Louise was leaned against the breakfast bar on her phone, absentmindedly scrolling through various social network feeds.

“Louise?” Phil spoke up since she hadn’t noticed his arrival.

She visibly jumped as she evidently wasn’t expecting him, and slipped her phone in her pocket.

For a second, Phil felt anxious as Louise walked up to him, that same unreadable expression on her face. But unlike anything Phil was expecting, she wrapped him in a big bear hug, tight as can be.

“Thank you” she sounded sincere in whatever she was thanking him for, but his mind was blank.

“Wh-what did I do?” Phil asked, feeling a bubble of anxiety return in the pit of his stomach.

“Thank you so much for finally making him happy” she elaborated, before pulling away and leading him over to the dining table, where they sat facing each other.

“For the longest time, he’s been miserable. His last relationship really didn’t end well, and I just want to thank you for being the one he really needs” she explained, and Phil felt tears well up in his eyes. Because, though he knew that Dan wouldn’t have gone into as much detail when he mentioned it to Louise (she didn’t mention his parents, like Dan did when he told Phil), he knew that she was speaking from the heart.

“He’d kill me if he ever heard me say this, but I do feel kind of protective of him, you know? I’ve known him for the majority of our lives and I never want him to feel like he did back then, and that’s why I was the first supporter of your crush, I knew you would be the one he needed, even if you didn’t.”

“I thought you were mad or something back there, you kind of seemed annoyed or something like that” Phil found it in himself to laugh, now he knew that there was nothing malicious in Louise’s reaction.

“Oh, that? That’s just because I didn’t want Dan to see me cry. I wanted to make sure I spoke to you alone about this, hence why it looks like I’ve been sucking on a lemon wedge for ten hours. But anyway, he never lets me live it down when he catches me crying. I was practically breaking down on the spot when you both admitted to it, you could probably hear it in my voice, how excited I was.”

“Yeah, maybe a little. I thought you were going to hound him until he told you everything in crystal clear detail.”

“Oh believe me, I’m still planning to. He’s bold, sure, but he still gets embarrassed in front of groups of people” she shrugged, and began drumming her fingers on the table.

“I could try to fill in some of the blanks for you, if you want” Phil offered, and Louise laughed.

“Honey, did you honestly think I meant I would speak to Dan alone about this? Fuck no, come the morning I’m dragging you both outside and you’re both telling me everything.”

They shared another laugh and another hug, and Louise thanked him again, and she then shed a few happy tears on behalf of her friends.

“What’s happening here?” Zoe asked as she walked into the kitchen, seeing Louise crying onto Phil’s shoulder.

“I’m just really happy for them” Louise blubbed, and Zoe smiled.

She walked over to the two of them and joined their hug without another word being spoken.

“I knew it’d all work out,” she stated once they broke apart and Louise was dabbing at her eyes. “I have a great intuition about this kind of thing” she pressed her index finger to her temple.

“Because you’re a hopeless romantic too” Phil reasoned, and Zoe nodded.

“And proud” she nodded, and they high-fived.

“When I grill them about it tomorrow, I assume you want in?” Louise asked Zoe, and winked at Phil.

“Would you mind?” Zoe asked Phil, biting her lip, clearly not wanting to intrude where she wasn’t welcome.

“You two were the ones that gave me the confidence to do anything about it in the first place, I think you deserve to know all the details before anyone else”

Louise could only manage a squeak in response as she dabbed at her eyes again, and Zoe placed a comforting hand on her best friend’s knee.

“It truly does make me so happy that you’re going public with it now,” she smiled at Phil, “I know it might seem daunting, I know it felt like that with Alfie and I, but the payoff is phenomenal. You don’t have to hide anything, and I think that’s the most beautiful thing.”

Phil imagined it would be. He felt excitement building up inside of him, though he didn’t exactly know how to reply to Zoe, he felt that if he tried to, he’d end up in the same state as Louise.

Though it turned out that he didn’t need to, as a loud crash from the living room grasped everyone’s attention simultaneously. Even Jim and Tanya ran back inside after hearing it, and the group of them pushed open the door with the most curious of minds.

Joe was fast asleep, and had collapsed onto the coffee table, sending the glass vase that was sat atop it crashing onto the parquet, smashing into a million tiny pieces. Dan and Alfie took one of Joe’s arms each around their shoulders and lifted him onto the sofa, whilst Caspar giggled deliriously in the corner, eyes flicking between the scene in front of him and his phone in his lap.

“I’ll get the hoover” Zoe sighed before turning back and walking into the storage cupboard outside of the kitchen.

“Literally every single time we have a party” Jim commented in amusement.

“Always those two” Tanya added as they walked into the living room to assess the damage on Zoe’s behalf.

“I don’t care, I’m willing to sleep here still” Dan shuffled away from the smashed glass and curled up on his side at the other end of the room, resting his head on his hand.

“At least let me clean it up so there’s no more damage done tonight” nobody noticed Zoe’s return, and she dashed over to the glass and began hoovering it up, the noise in turn waking up Joe.

“For fuck’s sake Zo, can it not wait?” he protested, throwing a cushion at her.

“You say one more word and this is going straight on your head” Zoe pointed the hoover nozzle towards her brother, and raised it above his head, dangerously close to the top of his quiff.

Despite his attitude, Joe didn’t say another word. He instead flipped his sister off and turned over so he was facing the back of the sofa, and tried to get back to sleep.

“Speaking of sleep,” Dan threw his arms up in the air, “Good night world” he turned on his side and pressed his face into a cushion, announcing his intent to sleep once again.

“Subtle as ever, Dan” Louise replied, sitting down to settle for the night also.

“My head’s starting to pound, let me live” Dan’s voice was muffled as his face was still pressed into the cushion.

\--

Half an hour later, everyone was settled down for the night. Zoe had gone upstairs to sleep in her room, Caspar had taken Joe’s bed considering Joe was still passed out on the sofa, and everyone else was dotted around the living room.

Dan refused to sleep unless Phil was beside him, which gave Phil butterflies that took too long to die down. They laid facing each other, sharing a pillow.

Phil was just drifting off to sleep when he felt Dan’s breath against his face.

“Phil,” he whispered, and Phil knew that Dan was more asleep than he was awake.

“Dan” Phil whispered in response, curious as to what Dan wanted to say. It seemed as if he couldn’t get to sleep until he said it.

“I love you”

“I love you” Phil reciprocated, and pressed a soft kiss to Dan’s lips.

Not that Phil knew exactly what sleep tasted like, but he was sure it tasted like that kiss. And for some reason, it felt like one of the most meaningful kisses they’d shared. That alone set Phil up for drifting off to sleep with a content smile on his face.

\--

Nobody woke up until just before midday.

Jim was the first one awake, and in an attempt at humour, he gathered two pans from the kitchen and crashed them against one another repeatedly, until everyone bolted upright, most flipping him off and shouting unpleasantries in his direction.

Even Zoe made her way downstairs after a couple of minutes to see what was happening, though she and Tanya were the only ones that found it funny.

Caspar didn’t come downstairs from Joe’s room, and Joe didn’t wake up from his position on the sofa, they were clearly the deepest of sleepers.

“Give me those fucking pans right now, Chapman” Dan demanded as he stood up on shaky legs and sleepily stumbled over to Jim, making short grasping motions, but Jim just held the pans higher, where Dan’s sleepy muscles weren’t ready to reach just yet.

“Good morning, everyone!” Louise chirped, it was as if she woke up in the best mood possible. Phil envied her.

“Is it? Is it a good morning?” Dan muttered as he made his way back over to sit beside Phil.

“Yes, of course!” Louise answered, still as chirpy as before. “The sun is shining, birds are singing, we still have a few hours until we have to think about school-“

“People are in love” Zoe interjected, a knowing smile on her face.

“I’m in love with the idea of more sleep, so if we could kind of just… not do this?” Joe’s voice was groggy as he stretched out his arms, and immediately placed a hand to his head and winced. Phil could only imagine how he felt, given how much he’d drank over the past sixteen hours.

“Tough luck” Zoe snapped at her brother, and picked up a nearby glass of water that someone had gotten in the middle of the night, and poured the remaining contents over Joe, much to his disgust.

“What the fuck?” he shouted, shaking his clothes in an unsuccessful endeavour to dry them, sending water droplets flying onto Dan and Phil’s heads, who were sat just in front of the sofa.

“Get up, you’re soaking Dan and Phil” Zoe pulled on Joe’s arm to force him forward more.

Everyone ignored Joe’s grumbles under his breath.

“Is anyone else’s head feeling like it’s going to explode?” Tanya voiced the question to the group, and was met with a majority of nods and mumbles of agreement.

Phil personally didn’t feel bad at all, he guessed he had significantly less than everyone else.

“Mine’s fine,” Dan shrugged, “Guess I can just handle my liquor better than most of you sad-sacks”

“Bullshit” Joe protested, smacking Dan lightly on the back of his head. “It’s only because you’d barely done any of the never have I evers.”

“Not true, mi amigo” Dan reminded him, “I had done a fair few, if you recall.”

“Joe can’t recall anything from last night” Jim chimed in, a smirk on his face, and Joe flipped him off.

“It’s true, both Dan and Phil had done a lot of them” Louise couldn’t contain her smile, and Phil knew she was dying to talk to them about it. Deep down, he was too.

“Speaking of,” Zoe so subtly said, “Would you boys mind helping me with breakfast?” she set off in the direction of the kitchen, and both boys followed her in.

“Let’s just wait for three seconds. Ready? One, two-“

As Zoe opened her mouth to say three, Louise burst through the door with a huge grin on her face.

“I can’t believe you were going to have the conversation without me” she pouted, before the four made their way into the garden.

The girls sat opposite them, and momentarily glanced at each other, none speaking a word.

“What is even happening here?” Dan asked in confusion, and Phil realised that Dan wasn’t present in the conversation he had with Zoe and Louise the night before, so literally wouldn’t have any idea.

“They want to know all of the details” Phil told him, and Dan laughed.

“I should’ve guessed. Whenever anything happens with me, these two have to be in the know” he gestured to his friends.

“Actually, we don’t want to know everything” Louise admitted. “The way you look at each other when you think nobody sees you pretty much says it all.”

“Literal human heart-eye emoji” Zoe made the comparison, and Louise clapped.

“It really is!” she praised.

“But really, we only have one question” Zoe assured them, and Louise nodded.

“Is this serious?” they asked synchronously, both clasping their hands together as they awaited the answer.

Phil felt himself release a breath he didn’t realise he was holding. It was the easiest question in the world for him to answer.

“I want it to be,” he told them, then turned to face Dan. “I’m in love with you.”

He wasn’t saying that for the girls’ benefit either. Just a boy getting something off his chest. This time, in front of witnesses.

“And I can honestly say that I’m completely- fuck, Louise are you crying already?” Dan stopped himself mid-sentence to turn his attention to Louise, who already had tears slipping down her cheeks.

“Shut up” she waved her hand dismissively before dabbing at her eyes. “Please carry on.”

“I was pretty much in love with you from the first video game night” Dan admitted, his cheeks taking on a slight red blush.

“That was awfully quick, then” Phil chuckled. But he felt the same. It was just that he was determined to repress his feelings at the time. At the time he thought it was just a crush, but looking back it was hard to limit it to just that.

“I’ve heard love works fast when you find the right person” Dan smiled, and Phil heard Louise sob.

“It really does” Zoe contributed, her hopeless romantic heart must be throbbing. Phil’s always did whenever he noticed how in love Zoe and Alfie were with each other. “I feel like we’re intruding on something here, though, Lou” she stood up and pulled Louise up too.

“I’m so happy for you both” Zoe smiled as she ruffled both boys’ hair, and both girls made their way back inside to actually start on breakfast.

“You don’t know that I’m the right person, we’re only eighteen” Phil reminded Dan as they both laid on their backs, staring up at the early afternoon sky and the wisps of cloud that laced the atmosphere.

“I’m very much one for living in the moment,” Dan explained, “So I can confidently say that you’re the right person for me, and if I have it my way, you will be for the rest of time.”

“That’s incredibly optimistic” Phil was just teasing him by this point.

“My grandparents have been together since they were sixteen, my auntie and uncle have been together since they were eighteen. My cousin married his girlfriend a month after meeting her and they’re still happily together nearly twenty years on. It’s not exactly unheard of”

“I’d like to still be around when you’re old and grey,” Phil mused, “I wonder if you’ll have gotten any better at video games by then.”

“I’ll be old and grey by age twenty if you keep driving me up the wall about those bloody video games” Dan joked, “I let you win, to be a gentleman.”

“And that’s been the case every time we’ve played, has it?” Phil questioned, stifling back a laugh.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Dan fidget.

“I-“ Dan trailed off as he thought of what to say, “Yes.”

“You’re such a liar” Phil laughed, and Dan sighed.

“Fine, you win” he conceded defeat and held his hands up in surrender, before stretching one of his arms on the ground. “Come here”

Phil happily did. He cuddled into Dan, and Dan wrapped his arm around him, bringing them even closer.

“So do you want to go public?” Dan asked quietly.

They were finally having the conversation Phil had been craving. Though it wasn’t the most romantic of settings, the middle of the Suggs’ back garden with the smell of burnt bacon and pancakes floating out from the kitchen, Phil just wanted to be wherever Dan was.

“I just want you, whatever you want is fine with me” Phil replied, and Dan pressed his lips together and shook his head.

“Nope. As I’ve always said, the ball is in your court”

“I’m getting really tired of hearing you say that” Phil sighed, he still wasn’t good with decision making, especially not decisions involving another person. But it didn’t seem a hard decision when he looked up at Dan, and saw the way Dan was looking at him.

“I want people to know” he whispered, and Dan broke out into a grin.

“Me too” he agreed, pressing a gentle kiss to Phil’s lips.

“On one condition” Phil added, and Dan raised an eyebrow.

“Oh?”

“You don’t skip classes anymore.”

Dan chuckled. “I don’t have a reason to anymore. Turns out you were all that I needed.”

Another kiss.

“I have a condition too” Dan peaked Phil’s curiosity. Also his nerves.

He nodded as encouragement for Dan to continue.

“You stop believing that you don’t deserve any of this. I know you, and I know it’s still in the back of your mind. You’re so beautiful, inside and out, I just wish you could see yourself the way I see you.”

Phil felt his eyes well up with tears. “I’ll try” he croaked, and Dan hugged him tighter.

“That’s all I ask” he placed a soft kiss to Phil’s forehead.

They laid in comfortable silence for a few minutes, watching the clouds drift across the sky and listening to the sounds of a typical Sunday afternoon in the country.

“We can go from a romantic novel’s wet dream to a battle of sarcasm in a matter of minutes” Dan observed after they had shared a joke or two.

“I feel like that describes us perfectly” Phil agreed, and Dan nodded.

“Speaking of, if you could leave your blinds down whilst getting ready tomorrow morning, that’d be grand” Dan spoke so casually, as if it was the most normal of requests.

“I don’t know how I feel about you spying on me through my window all the time” Phil teased, knowing full well that he loved it, it was flattering.

“I have no intention of stopping. You’re stuck with me and my prying eyes” Dan laughed manically, and Phil rolled his eyes playfully.

“I really must be fucked up, because that sounds like heaven to me.”

He never thought he’d get to the point in his life when he’d be able to poke fun at his past, and how badly he’d been messed up by Theo and his mind games, and of course what happened afterwards. But here he was, a stronger and better-rounded person, getting better and happier by the day, with the boy that Phil could only have dreamed of, a best friend and lover rolled into one.

\--

They never had to label themselves as boyfriends, nor did they have to label themselves as in a relationship. It was obvious to everyone. People in the corridors smiled after them as they walked side by side, joking and pushing and shoving each other one second, then holding hands the next.

They never had to be that couple that feels the need to prove to everyone how in love they were, everyone just knew. It was obvious. The way that they sat a tad closer to one another at lunch than the rest of their table did, with the exception of the other two couples. The way that they would wait for each other after class, and the way their eyes would light up the second they saw each other, as if all they could see was the other. People noticed, they envied it, they respected it.

They never had to be that couple that kissed every time they saw each other (though they still did kiss in school occasionally, sometimes the temptation was too much), or had to proclaim their love to one another at every given opportunity. People could tell. The way they threw balls of paper at each other during History class, unfurling them to read the note hidden inside and blushing intensely. The way they stared at the other when the other wasn’t watching. It was impossible to miss or deny it. Even Melinda clicked on pretty quickly and accepted it (albeit begrudgingly).

Saccharine one day, sarcastic and jokey the next, it was just the way they were.

They never made an attempt to hide anything, they were just themselves.

And that suited them just fine.

It was best summed up on a random Friday morning, when Dan slipped a poem into Phil’s bag when he wasn’t looking.

_Dark pasts, blurry futures, uncertainty was my guide._

_Love was a myth, a lie, lived by others yet out of my grasp._

_Deceit was the norm, I was mistaken by lust, settling was a must._

_But life has a funny little way, don’t you think?_

_Breaks you, makes you, blesses you, completes you._

_A silver lining on a dark storm cloud,_

_It followed me around._

_Eyes like sapphire and heart full of gold,_

_My luck is still changing, every day, every minute,_

_Every second with you is a new beginning._

_We’re told that we’re too young and whilst that may be true,_

_There’s one thing I know for sure._

_Home isn’t a place, home is you._

**Author's Note:**

> I genuinely can’t believe this fic is over, wow. Two months of solid hard work and 43k words later, here we are. I’m so happy you read this far and went on this fluff-filled journey with me, it truly does mean the world to me.
> 
> I won’t go on a (huge) soppy vent in this author’s note, I just want to take this opportunity to thank you all again for being so supportive and so patient, this fic has taken a pretty long time and has helped me through multiple cases of writer’s block, and hopefully it makes up for the fact I haven’t posted a new fic in over two months…
> 
> But yeah thank you for your never-ending support, it’s all I could ask for as an author, and this community never ceases to amaze me.
> 
> Please leave a kudos and comment if you’re feeling particularly nice, it’d mean so much and I’d be forever thankful!
> 
> Also whilst I still have you here, follow me on twitter ( https://twitter.com/bloggerhowell ) and follow me on tumblr ( cafephan.tumblr.com ) for more of my dan and phil related posts every day :)
> 
> THANK YOU! I hope you enjoyed reading Lover Boy as much as I enjoyed writing it!!


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